There have numerous times in which I am amazed by what you, Dear Reader, finds funny about my normal life. My brain is a chaotic mess of constantly firing neurons, but I vividly recollect each story I have posted. I don't exactly put a great deal of time or effort into my stories. I simply let my fingers do the work. I find that I am more passionate about my military-related stories. There is a sentimental value that I hold very dear. By no means am I saying the other stories are not precious, but I am surprised when I read, "This is my favorite Sloppy story." Especially when I view the story as a "normal" day in the life of Sloppy.
I recently wrote "Sloppy: Learning to be Sloppy Circa 1998." There was an inquiry about the gumball machine in the comments. There were also a considerable amount of Direct Messages (DMs) demanding additional information related to the gumball machine. Again, I was very surprised because I viewed that story as nothing more than simple miscreant mischief. I suppose it was more of a "coming-of-age-story." I didn't understand the significance when I was younger. I didn't know these were the very first steps of my Fuckery career.
The scavenger hunts were everything but typical. They were truly epic events that were held on a weekly basis. The hunt lists were never the same, and the winning team was responsible for making the new list. We, of course, had our staple items such as: Garden Gnomes, Big Wheels, Wheel Chairs, and Road Kill. There was approximately twenty items that continually made the weekly list. Each item had an associated point value. Then there were the coupe de grace items. These items would typically change form week-to-week, were extremely difficult to acquire, but had an immense point value that almost certainly guaranteed victory. The gumball machine was one of them.
The Big Mama Giant Gumball Machine was one of the coupe de grace items. It was a mammoth prize that stood at six feet and seven inches tall (2 meters) and weighed 130 pounds (60 kg) empty. Midnight acquisitions was in order, and this particular Big Mama was definitely big, and anything but empty. I don't know gross weight of a fully stocked Big Mama, but I can tell you exactly how many Super Highly Intelligent Teenage Scoundrels (SHITS) it took to secure it. Six! It took every ounce of strength six SHITS had to load this monstrous prize.
Dear Reader, I know. I know what it's like to be let down, and I am about to let you down. "Borrowing" the Big Mama was actually quite easy. There is no real story regarding the acquisition. We simply backed a pickup truck to main entrance of Walmart, and loaded it up. We wobble-rolled the base of the machine out the main door, rested it on the bollards, and gently tipped it into the back of a truck. Then we drove off into the night with our spoils. Not a single soul questioned us, or looked twice.
We were SHITS Dear Reader, not fucking idiots. We had purchased cheap blue collared shirts, and khaki shorts from Walmart the day prior. The SHITS felt it was appropriate to give a little coinage to Walmart considering Walmart was about to be down exactly one gumball machine. It was also important of look uniformed. I know the suspense is killing you Dear Reader. Yes! We were the victors that particular week. People don't bother you if you a convincing in your duties. We were mentally there to remove a gumball machine, and our actions were clearly congruent. There was one minor problem though. How in the fuck do you return a gumball machine of that size without getting caught? Simply, you don't. It was one of the very few things we had acquired that was not returned.
Sunday Before Work (0430)
Sloppy Dad: Sloppy. SLOPPY!
OP: (Groggy) Yeah?
Sloppy Dad: WAKE UP. Get dressed, and then met me in the garage.
Sloppy puts shorts on and walks to garage.
Sloppy Dad: (Pointing) What the fuck, is THAT?
OP Brain: The old man is losing it!
OP: Looks like a gumball machine.
Sloppy Dad: (Not Happy) Well no fucking shit. I can see that. How did it get here?
OP: We put it here!
Sloppy Dad: (More Irritated) We?
OP: Yeah. The SHITS NAMES.
Sloppy Dad: Do you want to explain HOW you got it?
OP: I can but...
Sloppy Dad: I don't even want to know. You're grounded.
OP: (Sad Voice) Okay. I will take it somewhere else.
Sloppy Dad: No. No you wont. I am trying to quit smoking. I can use the gum.
There is still a Big Mama Giant Gumball Machine in my parents garage. It was out of gumballs around year five, and my father said it was the best piggy bank he has ever owned. I don't know what he did with the $1,500 in quarters though. I am happy the old man finally figured out how to refill it without breaking it too. We failed to ask Walmart for the keys when we acquired it, but I assume that would have been the demise of our endeavor.
"Wow. Sloppy, you finally did it. You finally wrote a story that absolutely bored me to death." I hear you dear reader, and I apologize. How about I rub some wasabi paste on your wrinkle-grommet and spice it up? I think we need to talk about Captain Jack. "Who the fuck is Captain Jack?" Dear Reader, I will explain. Captain Jack was the unattainable coupe de grace item. It was Mission Impossible and my team was on a three week skid, and we needed a "W" in the win column.
There was an old steamboat in the harbor of town, and Captain Jack was at the helm. My team of SHITS had hit brick wall-after-brick wall that night. The hunt clock was dwindling down, and we needed to throw an Hail Marry. It was our only chance, and we decided to attain the unattainable! We parked in the large parking lot. One SHITS remained on lookout, and three SHITS started our Mission Impossible.
Captain Jack was at the top, and getting to the top was one continuous circle walkway with exits at each deck of the ship. Captain Jack was on the third deck, and we had finally arrived with our bag of tools. Keep in mind, we were not sponsored by the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) or MI6, and our bag of tools lacked sophistication. We had a hacksaw, two screw drivers, and a baseball bat. It certainly lacked sophistication, but these tools had faithfully served us in the past.
We admired Captain Jack for a couple seconds before we started to work. He had one hand on the helm, and one hand extended skywards semi-grasping a chain that dangled from the ceiling. Captain Jack had a grin on his face and he was begging for a ride in something a bit faster than a steamship. I immediately began to saw his left leg, and it was tedious. Captain Jack was wooden, and the hacksaw blade was not made for wood. It was like trying to cut a ribeye steak with a dildo.
Jamie: Dude. We need to hurry up. We only have an two hours left, and this is taking forever.
OP: I am going as fast as I can.
Jamie: Can we unscrew the legs?
OP: No. They're fucking bolted in.
Jeremy: Dude, we really need to hurry.
Twenty Minutes Later
OP: Got it.
Jamie: Yes. (Talking to Jeremy) We're good to go man.
OP: NO. We still have one leg.
Jamie: Fuck that!
CRACK-CRACK-CRACK
Jamie lacked patience. The "CRACK" was thunderous. Jamie pulled out the multi-tool, and started to hit home runs with a fucking baseball bat. The hits were deafening loud, but surprisingly didn't draw any attention to our quest. Dear Reader, have you ever failed to fully think something out? Ever develop a plan, and fail to calculate a couple factors? Captain Jack was about was one swing away from tumbling, and we had a catastrophic miscalculation.
Jeremy: (Looking at Sweaty Jamie) Dude. One more swing and we got this fucker.
Swing
CRACK
Captain Jack falling in slow motion!
HOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKK!
The ship was built in the 1930s. How many of you actually expected the horn to work? We certainly didn't. The ship bellowed a thunderous HONK, and our covert mission immediately transitioned into overt chaos. I believe this is a perfect time to explain that this ship is immediately adjacent to a casino, and there is always a law enforcement presence. The gig was up, and we were more fucked than Chasey Lain.
Jeremy 2 (Lookout): (Hysterically Laughing) What the fuck was that?
Jeremy: The fucking horn. Jamie hit his legs, and he feel into the fucking horn. We still good?
Jeremy 2: (More Laughing) Good? (More Laughing) NO. You are not good. The cops are coming now.
Jeremy: (Looking at Sloppy and Jamie) We are fucked. The cops are coming.
OP Brain: FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
The cops were about to board the steamboat. The odd stairwell played to our benefit though. There was no immediate access to our location. We could visual see the bouncing flashlights making their way to our demise. It was a fucking gut punch. I knew my father would not handle this well, and I was absolutely petrified with the images I envisioned. Having a belt surgically removed from my ass cheeks was not an option. It was a perfect "What Would Sloppy Do" moment, and I knew I would get an irrationally rational response in a timely fashion.
Jamie: (Eyes Welling Up) We're fucked.
Cops: (Screaming from Second Level) YOU BOYS STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT.
OP: Fuck This. Give me Captain Jack
Jamie: For what?
OP: Just fucking give him too me.
Splash!
Captain Jack had just perform the best fucking belly-flop a wooden mannequin was capable of performing. It now looked like a dead body was floating in the harbor. The body didn't sink to the bottom, but I lacked the skills of Dexter. Then again, floating could be a good thing!?!
Jamie: What the fuck did you do that for?
OP: I am fucking jumping. They don't have jurisdiction across the river. JEREMY. JEREMY!
Jeremy: (Puzzled) What?
OP: Tell Jeremy to pick us up at LOCATION.
Jeremy: How the fuck are we going...
I assume he was going to finish with "get there" but I was too busy falling three stories into the river. It was time for them to either shit, or get off the pot. The cops were nearly approaching the entrance to the third floor. Jeremy and Jamie were already brothers and had bunk beds, but I doubted they had to desire to share bunks in jail.
SPLASH-SPLASH
They had decided to shit. The cops were puzzled. "Where do you think you're going?" was echoed from the third floor.
OP: Grab Captain Jack and doggy paddle.
Captain Jack was a perfect flotation device. We looked like three beavers with critically underdeveloped beaver brains just kicking our way outside of the harbor. It took no more than five minutes to evade the cops outside the harbor, and the fast moving current got us to our destination in approximately twenty minutes.
Jeremy 2: (Baffled. FUCKING BAFFLED) HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HOW IN THE FUCK?
OP: We jumped. Now get down here and help us with this fucker.
We were sopping wet and wreaked of river, and minus a right foot, we had all of Captain Jack. Our ride to the drop-off location was glorious, and the defeated look on the faces of our opponent SHITS was gratifying. It was an epic evening, and an epic prize.
Sloppy Dad: Sloppy. SLOPPY.
OP: (Groggy) Yeah?
Sloppy Dad: GARAGE. NOW
In Garage
Sloppy Dad: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?
OP: Captain Jack. Just something we borrowed last night!
Sloppy Dad: You better un-fucking-borrow it. TONIGHT.
OP: You don't want to keep it?
Sloppy Dad: If you plan on leaving the house this summer, this will be returned tonight. There is wood glue in the cabinet. We will be discussing this after you get off work, and you and the SHITS will un-fuck this TONIGHT.
My apologies for the lack of flair in the story. It's Monday, and it really feels like a Monday. We did return Captain Black. "It takes a village." I was just as scared of the other fathers as the SHITS were scared of mine. They knew his background, and Sloppy Dad was already a certified Fuck-Fuck master. There are just some animals you don't poke with a fucking stick, and Sloppy Dad is one of those animals. Captain Jack was returned, and we were all collectively punished. Our Travel Baseball team was good, and there were sizable crowds at each games. Has your dad ever showed up to your baseball game in a beautiful floral summer dress to cheer you and your friends on? My dad did, and so did the fathers of the other SHITS. Embarrassment was our punishment, and it fucking worked.
Sorry! I don't have pictures, and I don't think I would share them if I did. It would still be embarrassing for me, and I don't have time for that. I am just trying to hunt myself a laugh today. I think I will post another story today if I have time. I reminded myself of something during this story. It was a "Stand by Me" moment when we stumbled upon a dead humanoid, and the sheer Fuckery. I happen to think it is a pretty funny tale, but I will let you decide.
Cheers.

'Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked' a review

Making good on this post.
Disclaimer: I have never seen anything related to this Alvin and the Chipmunks series, and am coming into the third entry blind. Any misunderstanding due to this is entirely my fault for not keeping up with the deep interconnected mythology of the AatC universe.
SPOILERS: I have to prove I watched this damned thing, so you're getting all the details.
This movie is not awful. I was expecting far worse, honestly. If you've ever watched cartoons aimed at 3-5 year olds you can probably tolerate this(though I highly recommend actually having a 3-5 year old around since you can start playing with them to distract you from the movie). The shtick of this series, apparently, is that Alvin and his brothers Simon and Theodore are famous singers in a pop group(and get this: They're Chipmunks!); they get into wacky misadventures while high screeching covers of pop songs play in the background. I expect if you actually like any of the songs covered this will shift from annoying to insulting, but being largely ignorant of pop music circa 2010, it remained merely annoying for me. They are joined by 'The Chipettes' a gender-bent complement to AatC who have their own band, and all of them are stewarded by their ownemanagedad Dave.
The movie begins on a cruise ship bouncing from one micro set-piece to another. While it's filled with 'musical' numbers, they come rapid fire and never seem to stick with anything beyond a quick 'remember this?' reference. I would not be surprised if they kept the songs short because they were able to avoid paying licence fees for the songs by using less than thirty second samples. After getting into some trouble with the captain, the Chipmunks are admonished by Dave, but they convince him to give them another chance; while Dave has dinner with the captain to smooth things over, the Chipmunks get up to some wacky shenanigans.
The Chipmunks all exhibit their trade-mark personalities here as, astonishingly, they have to set up some character development later. Alvin here is the selfish(and annoying) one, Simon is the smart(and annoying) one, Theodore is the dumb(and fat, and annoying) one. The girl chipmunks get less attention individually but I get the impression their personalities directly mirror their male counterparts. Alvin charges off to party in the ship's casino, with Simon chasing after him to bring him back to their room, the Chipettes get into a... dance off(shudder)... with some twenty-somethings, and Dave eventually comes to round them up.
We are also introduced here to Ian, the chipmunks' former ownemanager(but not dad), now working as a pelican mascot on the cruise ship. We're led to understand that he was a dick and cruelly kept his sentient chipmunks in cages, therefore it's funny that he's fallen on hard times. Also fallen on hard times: David Cross, who plays Ian, is reduced from the highs of blueing himself on Arrested Development to playing a minor character in a movie about singing rodents.
The chipmunks are punished for their escapades by being restricted to shuffle-board as their only activity for the rest of their trip with Dave watching closely to keep them out of trouble. No sooner does Dave take a nap than the Chipmunks barter a kite from a fat kid to go parasailing, and shock and surprise they go flying off away from the ship, eventually landing on an island. Dave realizes they've gone missing and take a... hang glider?... off the ship to go after them; ~~David Cross~~ Ian tries to stop him, but the two end up crashing into the water.
The humans eventually wash up on the same Island, where they surely meet up with the chipmunks and everyone learns a valuable lesson. My that ninety minutes flew by...
OH GOOD LORD, WE'RE ONLY TWENTY MINUTES IN! The viewer is advised that panic attacks are normal, and to avoid hyperventilation by breathing through the nose, or into a paper bag.
Ahem. On the island the Chipmunks attempt to survive, creating a SOS sign in the sand, starting a fire, fighting over the only morsel of food, all while grappling with the fear that they may never be found and worse, the existential dread that they may have annoyed Dave so much that he won't even bother to come looking for them. And singing annoying songs, and exhibiting rote character traits and generally making you wish you were doing anything else with your time. Meanwhile Dave and ~~David Cross~~Ian wash up on some other part of the island, where they will meander through the second act of the film with G-rated sniping at each-other.
The chipmunks run into Zoe, another castaway, played by Jenny Slate(I had a Washed Up Actor joke cued up, but it turns out this came before anything else I'd seen her in). Some very boring jokes follow, but importantly we have a major plot point: Simon, the smart, responsible chipmunk, is bitten by a spider whose venom he knows, because he's the smart one, has the side effect of changing one's personality. The chipmunks go to sleep, and when they wake up Simon has turned into the outgoing, adventurous and french accented 'Simone'. This upsets the balance with Alvin who is confronted with his own inner demons realizing in watching 'Simone' that his own actions are often disruptive and counterproductive.
The chipmunks pair off with their gender-bent mirror-images(something Freudian here, but I never read Freud, people just describe this sort of thing as Freudian). Girl-Simon is impressed by the antics of the drugged up 'Simone' who romances her with a golden bracelet he found exploring a waterfall, while Alvin and Girl-Alvin each reckon with the fact that they've been selfish and useless their entire lives, so they decide to be responsible and build shelters. Theodore and Girl-Theodore were... present.
At this point the reader is encouraged to reflect on the fact that these Chipmunks all view Dave as their 'father', not simply their owner. This makes them all step-siblings, at least and their 'romantic' entanglements take on an entirely different slant. Combined with the fact that none of the male chipmunks wears pants, and the girls wear skirts hitched up above their waists gives the film a risque quality that I am shocked was allowed under a G-rating.
Eventually Dave and ~~David Cross~~Ian meet up with the Chipmunks, just before the island... which is a volcano, by the way... begins to erupt. Alvin demonstrates he's matured and can be responsible, while Simon who is reverted back to his normal self must demonstrate courage to save Girl-Simon from Zoe, who's actually crazy, why not. Dave learns to trust his pets/children/employers, and ~~David Cross~~Ian realizes he was a dick when he owned/managed the chipmunks. Everyone convinces everyone else to be cool and they all escape the island together on a raft built by the rodents.
One more musical number as the Chipmunks headline at the... International Music Awards? Is that a thing? Did they agree to be associated with this? Watching the chipmunks perform to a riotous crowd highlights how strange it is that a cover-band doing pop songs would rise to such heights of fame, ignoring the fact that their screeching high-pitched renditions of popular songs grates one to the soul, and that these sentient rodents are simply accepted as a part of society.
THE END(thank god)
Again, not a terrible kids movie; much better the farther they deviated from the musical shtick. Animation was good for the most part, even if what they chose to animate was questionable. Most of the humor was flat, the plot was predictable, but the ending was actually somewhat touching, having earned its emotional climax with fairly decent character arcs through the middle act.
Score: 2/5
TL;DR A risque, sensual, half-nude, romp through the forest has these triplets questioning their morays, learning that forbidden love, treasure, and personal growth can all be found on the path to survival.

I don't think Synthwave is a good idea

Now not to knock the 1980s synthesizer heavy sounds that a lot of people are clamoring for CP2077, but hear me out. The year is 2077, almost 100 years into the future from when Synthwave would become popular. It just doesn't make sense to me that people in 2K77 would be listening to music from almost a century ago. Of course it would still exist in the time period, but why would it be the defining sound of the era? It's like if we all only listened to 1920s Jazz today and that was the only popular form of music. This is the FUTURE. I want sounds that emulate that. If they strictly relied on Synthwave for the game, it would feel more like a parody of a Cyberpunk world and not a living, breathing environment with a society that actually listens and plays it's own musical style.

I'm now going to divide this post up into 4 sections going into detail of how I'd like the soundtrack to be like in concept, and some specific artists I would have liked to seen CDPR work with. These will be 1. POP 2. PUNK 3. AMBIENT 4. OTHER.

POP

To me, Pop of the future would be fast, bubbly, and high-strung. Bubblegum Hyperpop, with blissful synths, ethereal singing, and a blistering BPM, each song will sound like you're manic on chems but you just don't care.

Now Grimes was a great choice and 4AM is a perfect representation of what I'm talking about, but I would have loved to see some production or even an original song by Sophie herself. Just take a listen to her song Immaterial, It perfectly encapsulates the cyber-enhancement lifestyle.

"I could be anything I want,
Anyhow, anywhere, any place, anyone that I want."

She also is on the cutting edge of Pop production, being a leading figure on PC Music. If she just ups her tempo she'd fit in perfectly with the hyper-spastic sounds of Pop Music in 2077.

Kelela, with her spiritual voice and futuristic-leaning style would also make a great fit for Cyberpunk with the right backing instrumental. While a little slow for what I'm envisioning, Kelela would sound great on a faster track if produced right.

Presenting an interesting duality in their music, Dorian Electra would be an excellent Popstar in Night City. In the future, gender is totally fluid when cybernetics are involved, and Dorian would embody that with some fascinating songs. Dorian Electra could make a larger-than-life androgynous figure tearing up the charts circa 2K77.

As far as producers go, Iglooghost has to be the most futuristic I've ever heard. Mixing tons of genres into one tumbling, bouncing, whirlwind of a song after the other, Iglooghost is already living in 2077 as far as I'm concerned. He could turn any song into a top charting hit in Night City.

Learning that A.G. Cook is the founder of PC Music becomes evident when you hear his stylistic production rinse over you in every song he's put out so far. So sweet they could burst your heart, Cook's songs border some realm between fairies and androids.

Finally, we have Sinjin Hawke and Zora Jones, who's interesting uses of drums and synths could really bring some flavor to the world of Cyberpunk 2077. This production duo would bring the best sonic experiments to the dance floors of your local run-down warehouse rave. These two could turn a gunfight in a nightclub into a sweetly maddening experience easily.

some other examples of chrome Popstars in the making include: SHYGIRL, ROSALÍA, and Sarah Bonito.

PUNK

Punk in the futuristic world of Cyberpunk 2077 should be an amalgamation of everything before it. My controversial hot take is that Rap is the new Punk. More and more rappers these days are embracing the Punk look and ethos, so who better to represent the rockerboys of 2K77 than some of the most popular heavy rappers today? The punk jams of tomorrow need more than just guitars and drums though, maybe include harsh synths and churning bass to really contemporize the barberous sounds of the underground.

Coming in fast and heavy is Denzel Curry, with a furious cadence and a rage brewing underneath every song, Curry would be perfect for a local punk frontman. Already having covered two classics, both rock and punk, Denzel can certainly hold his own in the punk world.

While recording for Cyberpunk 2077 doesn't exactly seem like something Death Grips would be interested in, their sound would slot so flawlessly into the grimy world of Night City. Abrasive and unrelenting, their recent experimentation with gabber is cyberpunk incarnate. The game comes across as a little too commercial for them sadly, but if they did write some original songs for the game, it would be a headspin for sure.

Two figures in the underground punk rap scene today are the cruel boys in City Morgue. With songs featuring biting lyrics about violence in the streets, City Morgue's fierce voices mirror the rejection of society by the rockerboys in Cyberpunk. ZillaKami and SosMula are as close to cyberpsychosis as it gets when it comes to their music. I can only imagine large pits of writhing kids as City Morgue's characters take the stage to belt out the thrashing the crowd so desperately wants.

When it comes to creating the instrumentals of the future rock rebellion, look no further than Clams Casino. A veteran in the underground scene, Clams can add a gritty electronic edge to the guitar riffs of the fictional bands in Night City. Clams Casino would provide an ominous undertone to the already heavy-hitting songs of 2K77.

Having already tried his hand at layering guitars into his deep void-like melodies, Shlohmo is practically a given for production on songs from the rockerboys. I can already envision the dark textures he would weave through the songs he would work on. Shlohmo can even compliment the rocketing pace of Punk with his own take on drum and bass.

Machine Girl is a wild synthesis of sound and frenzy. Assaulting your ears with a high BPM, Machine Girl is an attack of mish-mashed rough ideas and broken harmonies. MG would certainly amp up the viciousness of a band in the production department.

And lastly, we have the one and only Arca. Too dark for Pop, but almost too bouncy for Punk, Arca would bring an interesting dynamic to the music scene in the city. Their own sounds are organic and evil, almost being a commentary on the "metal vs. meat" debate so prominent during this time period. Arca imposes their own brand of neo-futurism that resides wholly in the Cyberpunk time period.

As far as actual punk bands are concerned, there are a plethora of great acts to choose from active today. Ideally I would choose something similar to the chaos of S.H.I.T., School Jerks, or VOID.

AMBIENT

Here is where my contentious opinion comes into play. I do not want Synthwave to be the ambient music in the game. I've already stated my argument for this above, so here I'd like to show you what I would prefer instead. The sonic world of the Cyberpunk genre as a whole to me, is that of the drone of industry, the hum of machines, the steady marching of technology, so steady in fact, that it marches right over humanity. The world of cyberpunk is an unkind one. It is cold, alien, mechanical. The music of the game should reflect that.

I'm happy that Nina Kraviz has been brought on board to represent Techno, but I would have loved to see someone like Abdulla Rashim as well. AR is a master in the hypnotic sound of dimness. Rashim would make an excellent addition to the roster for his industrial trance-like feel.

Vatican Shadow's techno is laser-focused on the political shortcomings behind war and imperialism, so I doubt he'd want to get involved with something as trivial as a video game, but he would make a damn good soundtrack if he did.

Do androids dream of electric sheep? Acronym might have the answer. Their songs are dream-like, yet still feel like a huge machine on a factory floor.

There is a massive stable of DJs CDPR could pick for this project, with a few examples being Luigi Tozzi, SHXCXCHCXSH, or UVB.

I'm not too worried about actual ambient music in the game, I'm sure CD Projekt Red will whip something great up, but I'd love it if it could feel like these particular tracks: Diamondstein, Kuroi Ame, or Hvide Sejl

I would however have liked to see one artist in particular make it onto the composer list. Oneohtrix Point Never has been killing it the last few years with his own brand of strange instrumental ambience. OPN has even worked on composing before, having just scored the latest Safdie brothers' film and working on their previous work Good Time. I'd be excited to hear his audio fingerprints all over the ambient side of the OST.

OTHER

This section revolves around one small aspect of the soundtrack that I think would be an amusing detail. Say you enter a corpo office building and ever so faintly, you hear none other than an original Vaporwave song playing. I know I stated earlier that it would be nonsensical for people of the future to be listening to music from a century ago, but hear me out. Vaporwave is a caricature of corporate commodified music. The music it's re-structuring is designed to be the least offensive, most generic music man can design. Vaporwave actually demolishes said music, and remolds it into something new and interesting. This is what propels my logic to include it into the game. Capitalism is Capitalism. They wouldn't innovate their music if it costs them nothing to keep the same colorless music in the background, but with Vaporwave, it feels like something new at the same time. Some songs that echo that desired feeling are: 豊平区民Toyohirakumin, Cosmic Cycler, and luxury elite.

In closing, This took way longer than I thought it would, but I'm passionate about the genre and the music, so I hope whoever reads this maybe sees it from a different perspective. I made a playlist on Spotify featuring the artists I mentioned and much more that I'm still adding songs to. I also made this video featuring a small mix of said playlist along with some visuals, with a part 2 I'm working on currently. If you made it this far, thanks for coming to my TED Talk. Cheers.

Woke up late, need this coffee

14th January 2020
Good luck guys,
Of note for PC names (HPQ, DELL, MSFT), traditional PC volumes in Q4 grew 4.8%, according to IDC preliminary results. Global shipments beat expectations at 71.8mln units, IDC Vice President highlights “The market will still have its challenges ahead, but this year was a clear sign that PC demand is still there despite the continued insurgence of emerging form factors and the demand for mobile computing.”
Of note for Pharmaceuticals and Technology names, China Global Times note that as part of the Phase One deal, imports of other products like pharmaceuticals and advanced tech equipment could also expand.

DOW

Apple Inc. (AAPL) could reach USD 400/shr in 2020, says Wedbush analyst Daniel Ives, whose channel checks for the iPhone 11 units heading into the March quarter “look robust”, the analyst is also constructive on AirpPods, noting when strong iPhone 11 units are joined with “jaw dropping” momentum from AirPods, Apple should post clear upside in the upcoming quarter with strong guidance for the next quarter. Elsewhere, UBS increased its PT for the name to USD 355 from USD 280 in anticipation of a strong 5G upgrade cycle, highlighting UBS research that 22% of responders indicated that 5G will be a factor when deciding to upgrade.
Boeing Company (BA) is reportedly offering very large discounts, as well as bulk buy deals and maintenance packages to keep orders for the grounded 737 MAX jet, according to the Telegraph, who note the discounts are greater than 50%. Elsewhere, BA could provide Ryanair (RYA LN) its first deliveries of up to ten 737 MAX jets by April, although the timing is dependent upon the regulator, according to RYA LN’s CMO.
JPMorgan Chase & Co (JPM) Q4 19 (USD): EPS 2.57 (exp. 2.30), Adj. Revenue 29.21bln (exp. 27.96bln). Net Interest Income (NII) 14.3bln (exp. 14.06bln); NIM 2.38% (exp. 2.365%), FICC sales & Trading revenue 3.45bln (exp. 2.44bln), Investment Bank Revenue 1.82bln (exp. 1.84bln), Equity markets revenue USD 1.5bln, +15% YY due to higher revenue in prime and cash equities, Quarterly ROTCE 17% (prev. 18%). Quarterly markets businesses rebounded from a challenging previous year; resolution of some trade issues supported client activity towards year-end. Quarterly investment banking revenue growth driven by higher debt and equity underwriting fees which was partially offset by lower advisory fees. Guides Q1 2020 incremental NII ~USD 14bln (exp. 13.95bln), guides Q1 2020 adj. expense ~17.0bln (exp. 16.7bln).
McDonald's Corp. (MCD) is reportedly testing chicken sandwiches with monosodium glutamate which adds taste, although has come under scrutiny regarding health concerns from consumers.
Visa Inc. (V) is to acquire Plaid, a fin-tech start up, for USD 5.3bln. WSJ reported previously that in its 2018 funding round it was valued at USD 2.65bln.

NASDAQ 100

Amazon.com Inc. (AMZN) will reportedly ask a judge to temporarily block Microsoft Corp. (MSFT) from working on the USD 10bln JEDI cloud contract, according to a court filing.
Amgen Inc. (AMGN) and Qiagen (QGEN) announced a strategic collaboration for AMG 510, an investigational cancer treatment.
Tesla (TSLA) had its PT increased to USD 600 from USD 500 by Jefferies, who maintain a Buy rating on the shares noting it would be wrong to exit the automaker on valuation.
T-Mobile (TMUS) and Sprint (S) have asked a federal judge that their case to merge is provided with proper weight, stating the district AG’s who were suing over the merger did not consider the plans both companies had to preserve competition within the sector.

S & P 500

Boston Scientific (BSX) gave preliminary Q4 adj. EPS 0.42-0.45 (exp. 0.44), Q4 preliminary sales 2.9bln (exp. 2.93bln); believes it will exceed Q4 EPS guidance of 0.22-0.25/shr and FY19 EPS of 0.72-0.75. Estimates FY19 adj. EPS will be within USD 1.55-1.58, as per previously issued guidance.
Citigroup Inc (C) Q4 19 (USD): EPS 2.15 (tax adj. ~1.90) (exp. 1.87), Revenue 18.38bln (exp. 17.89bln), FICC revenue 2.90bln (exp. 2.37bln), investment banking revenue 1.35bln (exp. 1.26bln), equity market revenue 516mln (-23%). Q4 results including circa a USD 0.25/shr benefit from tax matters.
Delta Air Lines Inc (DAL) Q4 19 (USD): Adj. EPS 1.70 (exp. 1.38), Revenue 11.44bln (exp. 11.35bln). Q1 adj. TRASM view flat to +2%; total revenue growth view at 5-7%. Co says it is picking up new customers as rivals face Boeing (BA) 737 MAX woes (Note, DAL does not fly 737 MAX jets).
First Republic Bank (FRC) Q4 19 (USD): EPS 1.39 (exp. 1.27), Revenue 0.878 (exp. 0.86bln).
Hess Corporation (HES) – Elliott Associates exited its position in the company.
IHS Markit Ltd. (INFO) Q4 19 (USD): EPS 0.65 (exp. 0.60), Revenue 1.12bln (exp. 1.12bln). Backs FY20 Adj. EPS forecast of 2.82 to 2.88 (exp. 2.86) and revenue of 4.52-4.59bln (exp. 4.58bln). Sees FY20 Adj. EBITDA between 1.86-1.89bln.
Lilly (Eli) & Co. (LLY) announced it added two more options for those who use its insulin, which will have 50% lower list prices than the original. LLY noted that 10% of those using the original Humalog insulin injector transferred to the cheaper option.
McKesson Corp. (MCK) raises FY20 EPS view to between (USD) 14.60-14.80 (exp. 14.41, prev. 14.00-14.60)
MGM Resorts International (MGM) is nearing a deal to sell MGM Grand and Mandalay Bay resorts and casinos in Las Vegas to a JV which includes Blackstone (BX) , according to WSJ citing people familiar with the matter; Financial terms not disclosed but it could value MGM Grand a USD 2.5bln.
Ulta Beauty (ULTA) had its PT upgraded to USD 310 from USD 275 at Oppenheimer, highlighting the management team and their ability to perform well in a challenging environment.
Wells Fargo (WFC) Q4 19 (USD): EPS 0.60 (exp. 1.10); EPS includes impact of litigation accruals of loss of USD 0.33/shr, Revenue 19.9bln (exp. 20.1bln). NII 11.20bln (exp. 11.22bln), NIM 2.53% (exp. 2.54%), ROE 5.91% (prev. 12.89%)

OTHER

Aecom (ACM) has been approached by rival WSP, a Canadian engineering services company, regarding a potential deal, according to people familiar with the matter.
Cloudera (CLDR) has named its new CEO as Robert Bearden, an experienced enterprise software executive who was CEO of Hortwon works, which merged with CLDR last year.
Gamestop (GME) total global holiday sales -27.5% at USD 1.83bln and thus cut its FY19 comparable sales forecast to down 19-21% (prev. decline in high teens) and expects an adjusted net loss for the fiscal year.
IAC (IAC) wholly-owned subsidiary, Buzz Merger Sub, has started its tender offer to acquire all the outstanding shares of Care.com (CRCM) of USD 15/shr as previously announced.
Lyft (LYFT) is putting together a number of council experts to help advise it on safety initiatives for both customers and drivers.
STAG Industrial (STAG) 8.75mln spot secondary share offering (prev. 8mln) was priced at USD 31.40, within the USD 31.35-31.70 target range.
TreeHouse (THS) and Post Holdings (POST) announced the termination of its agreement to sell it’s ready to eat cereal business to POST after coming to a mutual agreement; THS announced it will continue to look for a buyer for the unit.
Wipro Ltd (WIT) Q4 19 (USD): EPS 0.06 (exp. 0.06), Revenue 2.2bln (exp. 2.2bln).

A cynical look at how bad the Casino DLC could conceivably be:

I was paid to watch people being killed... [Part 1]

“TO THE NIGHT SHIFTGUY, FROM THE DAY SHIFT GUY. I AM DRUNK ON THE J-O-B.
I CANNOTT PARCIPITATE IN THIS ANY LONGER. I THOUGHT I HAD NO CHOICE BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER SICK BUT THIS IS NOT OK, NO MATTER WHAT THOSE MEN DID. HOPEFULLY YOU FEL THE SAME WAY AND THINK OF HOW TO DO SOMETHIG ABOUT IT. I CANNOT HANDLE IT.I FEEL SO MUCH GUILT AND SHAME FOR WHAT I HAVE BEEN PART OF THAT I DO NOT DESERVE MILLION DOLLARS. I AM GOING TO THE JUNGLE NOW WHERE I DESERVE TO BE. FUCK THIS PLACE AND WHO LURED US HERE. FUCK MONEY. I AM A PIECE OF SHIT. I HOPE YOU DO BETTER.”

Along with an electronic key card for the east door, this is what had been placed on the control panel prior to my shift a few days ago. A very perplexing, guilt ridden and drunkenly assembled note from the day shift guy…the one who I believed to be the only person on this island other than myself.
I’ve never actually met him over these past three months. We each work an 11 hour, 59 minute shift, every day. He from 8:00am to 7:59pm and I from 8:00pm to 7:59am. We have one minute for the shift change. I wait outside the control room at the west door and as soon as he exits the through the east side, the lock on my door becomes ready to open with my key card. So, other than the scent of his cologne, the pot of coffee he leaves brewing for me and the empty bottle of cognac currently sitting on the control panel, I know nothing about him. I don’t know his name, age, or nationality. All he’s been to me is the source of the ass warmth on the cold leather desk chair when I sit down every evening at 8PM sharp.
In order to help you understand what the hell is happening on your chosen electronic device’s screen at the moment, let me take you back just a bit.
I’m in debt. A shitload of debt to be exact, and four months ago I was unemployed for a number of reasons I won’t get into. My rent was due, my truck was being moved every few hours to stay out of sight of the repo man, and I was showering with bottled water from the apartment building’s fountain due to a ‘misunderstanding’ with the utilities commission. I was in a bad way, for sure.
I’m an I.T. professional with a couple impressive degrees and 15 years of experience, so I know a lot of shit and finding a job had never been difficult for me…until this most recent tangle with irresponsibility, of course. So, I was scrambling to find work before the property management company threw me out on my ear. Plus, that fountain water and stolen hand soap from the lobby is doing a real number on my skin. Monster, Glassdoor, The Ladders…I had hit them all, willing to take just about anything. After far too long I began to grow despondent, until finally one day this email appeared in my inbox.

“Hello, Kyle. My name is David Danbury and I represent parties who are eager to have you in their employ. We’ve seen your profile and resume on several job sites and must say we’re quite impressed with your skill set--although one immediately does wonder why a man with your talents is looking for what appears to be his sixth job in the past five years?
Nevertheless, I am here to present to you an opportunity for a one time, three month contract overseas. The work will not be challenging for an advanced professional such as yourself (although you may find it difficult without the ponies to play), but you will be almost completely isolated for the duration of the contract. Although long periods of solitude can be maddening for some, I have no doubt a man with your ability to get out of sticky situations can handle some extended alone time.
If you should choose to take the assignment, I can guarantee your safety and security as long as you stay within the guidelines and boundaries presented to you. The work will be stale and boring, just as you found your life to be once you discovered the thrill of Vegas, and you will be paid as soon as the terms of your contract have been satisfied. You will find the compensation to be substantial, to say the least. We both know you could use the money at this point…
If you’re interested in this assignment please reply in kind and I’ll send you the paperwork and instructions for your travel.
Sincerely,
David Danbury, Esq.

I’ll skip the bullshit about ‘thinking it over.’ The truth is, I couldn’t accept fast enough. I’m in debt, remember? For three months I could handle anything, but I know what these contract jobs consist of; high hourly pay, fat per diems, and nice hotel rooms.
Now, I’ll spare you the details of my travel and arrival. Reddit doesn’t have the attention span for that kind of thing, and truthfully, I’m as guilty as anyone of scanning past the fluff in an nosleep tale to get right to the meat and bones of it. Yeah I know, someone worked hard on all that fluff. I did too, then deleted it when I knew no one would care. So, here’s that meat and bones…
I was picked up and delivered by plane, basically blindfolded, to a small island in the middle of somewhere and left standing inside the door of a concrete bunker with nothing but my suitcase and a stack of instructions on, of all things, dot matrix paper—and no…it wasn’t stripped or separated. Some asshole is out there having a grand old time handing this archaic shit to unsuspecting contractors.
While littering the hallways with side strips I explored my work and living situation while scanning through the instructions. The work was simple…diagnostics and debugs, software updates, calibration and testing of lines and connections, and other general maintenance for a bunch of communications and video equipment.
My living quarters was really pretty damned sweet. In addition to all the bottled water I could ever need for showering, I had a nice big bedroom with a sitting room off to the side, a large, fully stocked kitchen, a few TV’s, a VR headset, tons of video games and several hundred movies. And to top it all off, there was a large selection of alcohol and beer.
I walked the main hallway where I found a good sized fitness room with all sorts of workout stuff, another big kitchen with a small cafeteria, a few more vacant living quarters identical to mine, and a big pantry with an endless amount of supplies and necessities. There were several rooms full of the equipment I would be maintaining, all of which was brand new stuff from the top manufacturers. .
The hallway ended at the big steel door to the room where I would spend the majority of my 11 hour, 59 minute shifts. Attached to the door was an envelope with my name on it.
“Hello Kyle, and welcome to your home for the next three months. The room beyond this door will be the hub of your operations and you will be sharing it with another technician. Your shift will begin promptly at 8:00PM each night and will end at 7:59AM the next morning. DO NOT arrive late or leave late. When the daytime technician’s door closes at 7:59PM you will have one minute to open the lock with the included magnetic keycard. Once you’ve opened the door it will remain unlocked for the remainder of your shift so you can move freely about the west end of the facilities. Under no circumstances are you to interact with the day technician. This work is part of a controlled study and it is critical that your duties be conducted 100% independently. In addition to this, it is STRONGLY suggested that you DO NOT leave the bunker. For reasons of personal safety, you are not locked inside, but let us assure you, outside the bunker is somewhere you only want to be as an absolute last resort.
Good luck, and remember…safety first!”

Everything went down as described. The work was gravy. So gravy in-fact that it would have made a great Poutine for our Canadian friends. You nasty fuckers. Who ever dreamed up mixing brown gravy and curdled cheese anyway??
I ran through the scheduled checks, calibrations, reports each night. I arrived at the door a couple minutes early, heard the door on the other side slam shut, and shoved my card in the slot as soon as the lock’s activation indicator went green. Although it was probably against the rules, the day shift technician left a fresh pot of coffee brewing for me each evening and I began to do the same for him each morning. How did I know the other tech was a man? It was the cologne. Kenneth Cole, circa 2005. I bought a bottle back then at the suggestion of the new lady I was seeing. She was bat shit crazy and I barely managed to cling to my sanity for the four months we were together. That one is an nosleep all of its own. I will *never* forget that scent. Not ever…
Everything was going smoothly for a long ass time. I ran into very few problems in my work, and they were solved quickly and without disruption to the gear under my care. My life may be in a constant state of uncertainty and downright chaos, but when it comes to equipment? Those devices are my babies. I take great pride in my work and it’s ALWAYS first class.
I really didn’t know what all the shit was for, though. The functions I performed were strictly for operational stability. Were the video monitors connected? Was the video storage equipment running smoothly? Was it cold enough in the server room? Were the video test images (a loop of wild horses galloping on the beach) clear and sharp? I just kept everything functioning and ensured all the backup systems were good to go at any moment.
So who was running all this sweet ass gear? The day shift guy, I presume. All those damned video monitors in that control room were for something, and it was a big something. At the time I figured the island was probably under surveillance from coast to coast to coast to coast. Why? Who knows…I didn’t particularly care, but I did feel a bit cheated when I propped my feet up on the terminal and all I got to see was horses kicking up wet sand and tossing their manes back and forth like a shitty beer commercial. I had watched that scene so many times that after a couple months I knew every detail. I had the horses named, had picked out which ones were married, which were single, which were cheating, who the assholes were, and various other daytime soap opera kind of shit.
Why not fire up a movie? Because I HAD to watch that loop. I spent an hour every night with my eyes glued to those screens, making sure not a pixel was out of place. I was under clear instruction that everything should be perfect at all times.
So what the hell did the day shift guy do? I presume he ran the cameras, collected images, data, wrote up observations, reports, etc. I think he got to be James Bond and I was the inventor in the basement at MI6 who didn’t get any of the glory for keeping Bond’s ass alive. It figured. Life had been pinching my ball sack with a big pair of salad tongs for years, so why expect to get the glorious job? I bet that motherfucker was getting paid double my salary. Asshole. HOWEVER, he did brew a great cup of Joe.
My free time was spent doing a little of everything. I like to work out, although with no money for a gym membership I’ve not exerted much energy lately outside of running from bill collectors. So I hit the gym, watched movies, surfed the web, and ate a shit ton of good food. One thing I do miss is gambling. I’ve spent my fair share of time at tracks and in casinos, for sure. It’s a rush like nothing else, but when you crash you crash hard. I crash too often.
Truth be told, I’m a mess. I have an ex-wife, a kid I hardly ever see, and I’ve destroyed most of my other interpersonal relationships. Solitary work is probably what’s best for me and I think I’m probably just not a very good person. But don’t think I don’t dwell on that fact—I do. I’ve just yet to actually DO anything about it.
However, everything changed when the day shift guy went AWOL and I found the Island’s residents. And then the plane washed ashore.
…and then the bodies began piling up.

Ok really, now. I’m not gonna put you off until tomorrow just yet.
So back to the letter from the day shift guy. I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. I mean…it sounded like he was really torn up about something. Something so bad in-fact, it made him walk out into the jungle never (presumably) to be seen again. And what the hell was he saying about “no matter what they did?”
Seriously, dude. You couldn’t hang onto your guilt ridden conscience another few days for what…a million bucks? Was he serious? Part of me was scared for what I was about to find out, and the other part of me was wondering if I was getting anywhere near a million dollars for my own gig…unless whatever he was doing on day shift was so terrible it would require ridiculous money to keep someone participating.
DSG (as we’ll call him for now) had left the entire operation unlocked and active. The monitors were all running and the control computers were unlocked. Most of the screens had a solid gray color displaying, but some were kicking on and off. I quickly realized they were motion activated, so the camera would run for a while if something was happening in its field of vision and send a live stream to the monitors. The sun was nearly gone and there wasn’t much light remaining, so I figured the night vision on the cameras would be kicking in soon.
I watched the displays come and go for a bit. Nocturnal animal activity, giant bugs landing on the lenses…stuff like that. Then out of nowhere, I saw people. A whole lot of people, to be exact. I’m a shitty guess on crowd size but some very sloppy counting put the number close to 50, if not more. It was like an encampment of some kind. Several fires burned and makeshift torches were set up in a crude perimeter. Everyone I could see was male and most of them were sitting or lying down. Their clothing matched—extremely dirty white coveralls.
Some of the men appeared to be standing guard with homemade spears or clubs, or with no weapon at all. It was surreal to suddenly see other humans on this island that for three months I thought was only inhabited by DSG and myself. They obviously were some sort of group, which meant they had a common origin or source.
One other thing was common…every single one of them looked either scared, angry, or despondent.
As the last bit of evening sun faded off into the horizon, I watched them for a while and let the past couple hours’ events soak in. What were these people doing here? Who were they? What were they scared of? And was I working for whoever was responsible for them being here?
I was pondering all these questions when my screens starting switching on like crazy. Movement caught my eye but it was quick, and whatever I had seen was not alone. The men in the camp (who I’ll now refer to as the captives) went into panic mode, either scrambling to get into the jungle or taking up some kind of defensive position. Judging by mouth movements they looked to be screaming, but I had no audio feed and as best I could tell from searching through the computer, an audio feed didn’t exist. As the chaos unfolded I finally caught a look at what was getting the captives in such a fuss.
SNAKES

At first all I could see was a glimmer of what I now know was their eyes reflected in the night vision. It started with just one, down low, then another and another and even more, and suddenly I was looking at HUNDREDS of eyes seemingly floating along the ground. God they were FAST too, just shooting back and forth. One of the men began to flail around in an absolute panic. I couldn’t see the outline of a snake, but his neck was gone from the sight picture and I could see the glint of one of those snake eyes. It had wrapped the guy up like a scarf and was choking him to death.
Another man was spinning in circles as if he was surrounded by multiple attackers. The tiny lights of the snake eyes were shooting at him like bullets from at least 10 feet out. Striking his legs over and over, then working their way up. He turned away from the camera briefly and when he came back around the moonlight gave me a clear view of his face. He had a snake’s fangs clamped down directly on each eye. I watched his muted screams, pulling at them furiously as the others continued to strike with relentless enthusiasm. Finally the captive managed to pry both snakes free and flung them to the ground. The moonlight caught his face again, and to my horror, I could see the eye sockets were empty.
I shut off the monitors. I could take no more of the nightmare playing out on these screens. I was helpless in my position and watching this was going to do them no good.
I took a break for food, coffee and some deep breathing exercises to calm my nerves. This was fucked up. Those guys were captives for sure, and it didn’t appear to me that the snakes were just naturally hanging out. Plus, the sheer speed and ruthlessness of those things. Geez. That was NOT normal.
Getting back on the main computer, I poked around in DSG’s files with shaky hands. I opened one labeled “DAY SHIFT DUTIES.” I was a little jealous that DSG didn’t get the pleasure of dot matrix paper. The word document was fairly brief.
HELLO MR. IVANOV. PURSUANT TO OUR AGREEMENT, HERE ARE YOUR INSTRUCTIONS FOR HOW TO SPEND THE 11 HOURS, 59 MINUTES IN THIS CONTROL ROOM.
1. EACH DAY, LOCATE THE PARTICIPANTS, COUNT THEM, LOG THE SERIAL NUMBER ON THE BACK OF EACH MAN AND CROSS REFERENCE IT WITH THE LIST PROVIDED IN THE FILE TITLED “PARTICIPANT LIST.” NOTE THEIR BEHAVIOR AND MOOD, AND MAKE NOTE OF THEIR GENERAL ACTIVITIES BOTH AS INDIVIDUALS AND AS A GROUP.
2. LOCATE THE PAIR OF DICE IN THE THIRD DRAWER ON THE RIGHT. TOSS THEM AND MAKE NOTE OF THE RESULT. ON THE HOUR CORRESPONDING WITH THE RESULT OF THE DICE THROW, PLEASE INITIATE THE SEQUENCE DESCRIBED IN THE FILE TITLED “FEEDING TIME” IN THE “NON-HUMAN PARTICIPANTS” FOLDER. FOR EXAMPLE, IF THE DICE ROLL TOTALS NINE, YOU WILL INITIATE THE FEEDING SEQUENCE AT 9:00AM. IF NO SEQUENCE IS INITIATED MANUALLY, THE COMPUTER WILL CHOOSE A TIME AND YOU WILL BE PENALIZED FINANCIALLY. THIS WOULD NOT BODE WELL FOR SVETLANA.
IF THE DICE THROW RESULTS IN AN HOUR OUTSIDE OF YOUR SHIFT, THE SEQUENCE WILL INITIATE AUTOMATICALLY. REVIEW THE CAMERA FOOTAGE AT THE BEGINNING OF YOUR NEXT WORK DAY AND CARRY OUT THE REQUIRED DUTIES DESCRIBED IN PART 1. IF YOU PREFER TO DO SO YOU MAY ROLL THE DICE MULTIPLE TIMES AND PROGRAM THE FEEDING TIMES UP TO FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE.
-AFTER THE FEEDING PROCESS IS COMPLETE, PROVIDE A DESCRIPTION OF THE EVENT (THE MORE DETAIL, THE BETTER), THE CAMERAS THAT PRIMARLY CAPTURED THE EVENT, THE CIRCUMSTANCE THAT RESULTED IN THE LOSS OF ANY PARTICIPANT, AND AGAIN PERFORM THE SERIAL NUMBER CROSS-REFERENCE, THEN UPDATE THE PARTICIPANT FILE. AFTER PERFORMING YOUR DUTIES, SEND THE FILE TO [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
***EACH OF THE PARTICIPANTS HAVE AN ANKLE COLLAR FOR TRACKING PURPOSES. YOU MAY ACTIVATE THE TRACKERS VIA THE INCLUDED SOFTWARE IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO ACCOUNT FOR ALL OF THE MEN BY THE PREFERRED METHODS, BUT MANUAL ENTRY AND DETAILED DESCRIPTIONS IS THE PREFERRED METHOD.
AGAIN, THESE DUTIES MUST BE CARRIED OUT EACH DAY**. WE AGAIN THANK YOU FOR BEING IN OUR EMPLOY AND WISH YOU WELL. WE ARE SURE YOU WON’T LET SVETLANA DOWN.**

So…what the fuck?
“Participants?” “Events?” “Non-human Participants?”
It wasn’t hard to surmise the man’s job was to watch sadistic, brutally violent shit happen to the captives, log the serial numbers of the survivors, and provide post game analysis. I came to the eye-opening realization that I had been going about this mundane existence completely oblivious to the fact that terrible things may be going on all around me. And I was sitting there every night, pounding oreo cookies and making sure the controls of this nightmare were in tip top shape.
I mean…I may as well have been Freddy Krueger’s knife sharpener.

I was blown away and trying to figure out what the hell to do when I realized something…DSG, aka Mr. Ivanov, was gone. And in order to keep the powers-that-be in the dark about his departure, those daily duties still had to be carried out...carried out by ME.

I had just watched “feeding time” happen live. Furthermore, at some point after 8:00AM when his shift would normally start I would have to review the footage, describe the incident, fill out the required logs…

...and roll those fucking dice again.

Francisco Tárrega - the Sarasate of guitar/ Franz Liszt of guitar

[5 min read] 1st time trying to write a comprehensive bio from all I've read! Enjoy!
One of the most renowned and well known composers of classical guitar is Francisco Tárrega, a Spanish composer and classical guitarist in the romantic period. He is considered as one of the fathers of classical guitar.
Tárrega was born on 21st November 1852 in Villarreal, Castellon, Spain.
His father, Francisco Tárrega Tirado, was a classical guitarist. He played various styles including flamenco. He worked as a watchman at a convent. His mother, Antonia Eixea Broch. Some sources state that both his parents worked as housekeepers.
During childhood, Tárrega liked to run around a lot, and later on he would run away from home many times. When his father was away working, Tárrega would take his father’s guitar and attempt to make beautiful sounds he heard. Francisco’s nickname as a child was “Quiquet”. As a child, he ran away from home (possibly running away from the nanny) and accidentally fell into an irrigation canal, injuring his eyes. This was very unfortunate as he partially lost his eyesight due to infection. Fearing that Francisco will lose his sight completely, his father moved his family to Castellón de la Plana to attend music lessons under the guidance of Manuel González and Eugeni Ruiz who were both blind. His father must have thought: If he ever lost his eyesight, he would still be able to play guitar and earn a living because he will learn from these two teachers that are blind.
Tárrega not only learnt to play the guitar, he was also very accomplished in piano at an early age (read on for explanation). In 1862, concert guitarist Julian Arcas, on tour in Castellón, heard young Francisco play and was very enamoured by him. Julian advised Tárrega’s father to allow Francisco to come to Barcelona to study with him for higher musical education. Tárrega’s father agreed, but insisted that he take piano lessons as well. His father was well aware that the guitar, as a solo instrument, was in decline, coming increasingly to be viewed as an instrument to accompany singers, while the piano was all the rage throughout Europe.
10-year-old Tárrega went with Julian Arcas to study in Barcelona. However, lessons stopped shortly after beginning, as Arcas left for another concert tour abroad. Tárrega stayed at a relative’s place before running away. He tried to start a music career on his own by playing in coffee houses and restaurants in Barcelona. At only 10 years old! He also joined a group of young musicians, and played at pubs and cafeterias to earn some money instead of attending a music school. His father was furious and went to Barcelona to bring him home.
In 1865, 3 years later, Tárrega ran away again! He ran away to Valencia, where he joined a group of gypsies. His father sought him and brought him back, but once again he ran back to Valencia. Though he kept running away, Tárrega was proficient at playing both guitar and piano by his teenage years.
His family was in a bad financial state, thus for a time, he played with other musicians at local engagements to earn money. He eventually returned home to help his family. He performed at a number of concerts at different villages before being accepted as a pianist at Burriana’s Casino. He alternated between guitar and piano during those years.
In 1874, at 22 years old, Tárrega was sponsored by Antonio Canesa, a wealthy merchant, to enrol at the Spanish Music Conservatory, Madrid. Before enrolling at the conservatory, Tárrega acquired an extraordinary loud and resonate guitar, made by the Seville luthier Antonio de Torres. The guitar’s sonic output was so brilliant that it strongly inspired Tárrega in his music. The Torres design of guitar, became a universal standard in the years to come, and established the spring-board for its subsequent acceptance by the listening public and academia alike, as an instrument competitive with the major instruments of the era.
Tárrega’s student years were tough, as the guitar had lost its former glory when compared to the piano. Since Tárrega was primarily a guitar specialist, he was not allowed to play at concerts. At the conservatory, He received a thorough instruction in theory of music, harmony, the piano, and composition. Tárrega studied composition under Emilio Arrieta.
When Arrieta heard Tárrega’s great quality perform in a guitar concert, Arrieta convinced Tárrega to pursue a career in the guitar rather than the piano. By the late 1870’s, Tárrega worked as a music and guitar teacher, where he taught Daniel Fortea, Emilio Pujol and Miguel Llobet, amongst other students, while also performing at concerts regularly.
In 1876, Tárrega began teaching and giving regular guitar concerts. He typically received much acclaim for his playing and began traveling to other areas of Spain to perform. By this time, he was composing his first works for guitar, which he played in addition to works of other composers.
In 1880, Luis de Soria, a guitarist who could not play at a concert due to illness, requested for his friend Tárrega to stand in for him at his concert in Novelda, Alicante, Spain. After the concert, an important townsman asked Tárrega to come listen to his daughter, Maria José Rizo (who was also a guitarist). Romance bloomed between the two musicians.
Concert tours in 1880 to Paris and London followed, where he was hailed as the "Sarasate (Pablo de Sarasate (1844-1908) a famous Spanish violinist) of the guitar".
In 1881, Tárrega performed at Lyon’s Opera Theatre followed by the Paris Odeon, in dedication to Pedro Calderón de la. He also played in London – full of successful performances, but he completely disliked the weather and the language. After his concert, some people noticed that Tárrega was in low spirits. There is a legend that after one of his performances, he was asked by admirers what made him sad and if he missed his family. This prompted him to pen Lágrima (circa 1889), one of his most memorable works, as a way to demonstrate his sadness at the time.
After playing in London he came back to Novelda for his wedding. On Christmas 1882, Tárrega married María José Rizo. Tárrega was 30.
To enlarge his repertory, Tárrega used his extensive knowledge of piano music, to transcribe piano works by Beethoven, Chopin, Louis Moreau Gottshcalk (an American pianist), Sigismond Thalberg (A Swiss pianist), Mendelssohn and others.
Tárrega and his wife moved to Madrid, earning a living by teaching privately and playing concerts. But after the death of their infant daughter in winter, Maria Josefa, they settled permanently in Barcelona in 1885. Among his friends in Barcelona were Isaac Albéniz, Enrique Granados, Joaquín Turina and Pablo Casals.
Francisco Tárrega and María José Rizo had three more children: Paquito (Francisco), Marieta and Concepción.
On a concert tour in Valencia, Tárrega met a wealthy widow, Conxa Martinez, who became a valuable patron to him. She allowed him and his family the use of a house in Barcelona, where he would write the bulk of his most popular works. A visit to Granada with Martinez, spawned Francisco Tárrega's famous Recuerdos de la Alhambra solo guitar composition, which he wrote after experiencing the 14th century Moor-built palace in Andalucia: Alhambra.
From the late 1880s to 1903, Tárrega continued composing, but limited his concerts to Spain. In 1900, Tárrega visited Algiers, where he heard a repetitive rhythm played on an Arabian drum. The following morning he composed Danza Mora based on that rhythm, a famous solo guitar piece.
Breaking with his past technique, Tárrega cut his fingernails in 1902, the resulting effect being a more mellow tone which was associated with guitarists of the Tárrega school of guitar playing. His concert playing career continued with much success, including a tour of Italy where he played in Rome, Naples and Milan.
In 1902, he also composed Gran Vals, which is used now used as a popular Nokia ringtone, albeit a small part only.
In January 1906, Age 54, Tárrega was at the height of his fame. However he became afflicted with paralysis on his right side (stroke), and though he would eventually return to the concert stage, he never completely recovered. He finished his last work, Oremus, on December 2, 1909. He died in Barcelona 13 days later, at the age of 57.
Francisco Tárrega was undoubtedly a conservative musician, in both style and performance, with strong similarities to the latter half of the 19th century. An absolute authority on the guitar, he is widely accepted as the one who built the foundation of classical guitar today. His moniker of “father of classical guitar” is, therefore, rightful in every way as Tárrega devoted his life to his art and to the uplifting of the guitar as a venerable musical instrument in the 20th century. There have been many piano and violin masters who had followed trends of the 19th century but Tárrega himself was one who went against the tide, despite odds stacked against him, and persevered with the guitar.
Tárrega is regarded as having laid the foundations for the 20th century's wide-spread acceptance of the guitar as a concert-recital instrument. The Maestro himself preferred small intimate performances, which particularly suited the lower-volume generated by his lack of fingernails. He composed in a variety of styles and forms including Valses, mazurkas, preludes, tangos.
However, with 78 original works, and 120 transcriptions he clearly appreciated the work of other composers, and used their works to further the reputations and esteem of his chosen instrument, as well as his own as a performer. Through his pupil Miguel Llobet, Tárrega passed on the traditions of the instrument to that other notable Maestro of the guitar, a pupil of Llobet, Andres Segovia. Tárrega's list of works include Sherzo's, preludes, estudios, danzas, fantasias, minuets, mazurkas, tangos and more.

A post mortem of Britney Jean, 5 years later

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“I can't believe this is my eighth studio album and I know I keep telling you that it is my most personal record yet, but its true and I'm really proud of that”

This quote from The Legendary Miss Britney Spears would most likely haunt her for the rest of the career, especially because it came in the eve of the release of her infamous 2013 album Britney Jean, whose title anticipated a rare introspective look into a star with over a decade on the spotlight (most of the times for the wrong reasons)… also, it came right after her previous album, 2011’s Femme Fatale, became her first full-length effort without any songwriting input from the Princess of Pop, although a Japanese bonus track features a co-writing credit from her.
Of course Britney Jean deserves most of the criticism it receives and yet, it also deserves way more than just being outright ignored even by most of Britney’s diehard fans: Britney Jean is more than just Work Bitch and 13 b-sides, is more than Brit’s most dated-on-arrival release… Britney Jean is a case study of what was pop in its time, what changed and why it stopped being as popular as it once was….

POP BEFORE BRITNEY JEAN

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Early 00s pop music was being left aside by the general public during the heydays of gangsta rap, Timbaland/Pharrell-infused R&B and rock/nu-metal… at least until around the period between 2007 and 2009, the start of the Golden Era for popheads: The anthemic choruses, the prominent synths, the light and care-free nature of the lyrics, everything was there to pump you up and make you dance… however everything would change in 2013, when streaming was finally introduced to the Billboard formula. After the satirical K-pop track Gangnam Style by Psy took the world by storm, it was noticed how in the United States the song was blocked from the top spot by the inconsequential One More Night by Maroon 5, even if Style had the lead in sales for most of the 12 weeks it stayed at the Top 10 (as you might have guessed, radio had something to do with that), pushing Billboard to update their methodology and add streaming to the mix.
The first song that benefited from the change in the tracking methodology would prophetize what would come next for the charts in general: Harlem Shake, a nearly-instrumental meme song debuted at the top spot and stayed there for 6 weeks total. Another novelty song, Ylvis’ The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?) would visit the Top 10 later in the year based on virality alone.
Although rap, indie music and more traditional pop music found their way during this year, the presence of outliers like Lorde’s Royals, genre-defying tracks like Avicii’s Wake Me Up! (a country/folk tinted EDM anthem) and Florida Georgia Lane’s Cruise (considered the grandfather of the bro-country genre, made popular on pop radio thanks to a tackled-on rap feature by Nelly), and the aforementioned viral hits not only showed that general audiences were craving something new, but their success would pave the way for a big change in pop music.

BRITNEY BEFORE BRITNEY JEAN

"Sometimes you don't need to use words to go through what you need to go through, sometimes it's an emotion you need to feel when you dance, that you need to touch. And the only thing that can touch it is when you move a certain way."
Britney Spears on the For The Record documentary, one of the rare glimpses she gave us on her life before Britney Jean

Britney, of course, was partially a pioneer and a tail-rider of the maximalistic electro sound of the era, as proven by the influence and cult following of what most people consider her magnum opus, or at least her more direct and honest album, 2007’s Blackout, which is ironic considering that Britney only has two writing credits in the whole project and how even The Unstoppable Danja called it ‘impersonal’.
After Blackout, Britney would continue to ride the same sonic palette with her follow-up, 2008’s Circus and then move onto Femme Fatale, which, in spite of its “forward-thinking” nature (as described by the label-appointed producer and current persona non grata Dr. Luke) and slick production, it was heavily criticized for its anonymity and lack of input of the singer in the record, which led to Britney to defend herself stating, rightfully, that she had nothing to prove.

THE MAKING OF A PERSONAL ALBUM

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The mastermind behind Britney Jean was none other than hitmaker will.i.am, whose involvement on the record came as a surprise to no one given how they have collaborated twice at that point and get along really well (you can read more about it in this post I made a couple of months ago), however, the Black Eyed Peas frontman doesn’t deserves all of the credit for the record as Britney herself decided that she would be more involved and had a pivotal role into the making of this record.
Although the early stages of the album pointed towards a more hip-hop release, will.i.am’s involvement and her chemistry with Britney put her forward into the recording and making of the album.
Realizing that she wanted a more straightforward release that wasn’t as bouncy and genre-hopping as her predecessors, Britney searched with will.i.am a series of collaborators that could help her bring her ideas to life, as she didn’t wanted to sing impersonal songs that her team just happened to receive; this, unfortunately, ruled out the involvement of the Saint Patron of pop production Max Martin, although it relegated Dr. Luke to a sole bonus track so that’s a win in my book. Britney Jean is her only release in which she’s credited as a co-writer in each track, including bonus tracks… her closest before that was In The Zone in which 9 of the 14 (including bonus) tracks sported a Britney co-write.

THE PERKS OF BEING A PERSONAL ALBUM

I have been through a lot in the past few years and it has really inspired me to dig deeper and write songs that I think everyone can relate to […] I want to show you the different sides of Britney Spears.
I am a performer.
I am a Mom.
I am funny.
I am your friend!
I am Britney Jean.
Britney Jean Spears

Britney has never been the kind of performer that would pour her soul into her lyrics, and even have occasionally distanced her private life from her lyrics (she famously rejected the Timberlake-bashing Sweet Dreams My LA Ex, later given to ex-S Club 7 member Rachel Stevens as her debut single), although in the few glimpses we have gotten from her real persona (the stunning Everytime and the dubious My Baby for example) have always leaved her fans with the idea of her getting more involved with the subject matter of the tracks… I mean, the exploration of fame in tracks like Circus and Piece of Me are great, but what about explorations of who is Britney?
Britney Jean is her first album released in her 30s, and after finally deciding to get this involved in the songwriting department 15 years into her singing career was no fluke: chalk it up to coincidence, to the fact that it was long due given her background (Britney had lived A LOT of unwanted stuff during her career, married twice, had two kids, survived the most public mental breakdown unimaginable and more while being one of the most successful female performers currently working… also, that year she had ended her engagement with her manager Jason Trawick) or to misogyny (if you wanna go there) but female singers seems to go personal and/or mature in their 30s, with some popular examples including Madonna’s Like A Prayer (described by her as being "about my mother, my father, and bonds with my family"), Mariah Carey’s post-divorce genre-bender Butterfly (if her birth year is believed to be 1969), Beyoncé’s whole post-Matthew Knowles era (4 was released three months before she turned 30), Nicki Minaj’s back-to-my-roots release The Pinkprint and Katy Perry’s purposeful woke pop release Witness (Katy, I love you but 💀) among others.
Another thing to consider is that doing “personal” songs have always being interpreted as tracks with stripped-away or piano-driven arrangement, something that Britney, who had sung about being on the club or having sex (or even both on the same track) so many times it kinda become her trademark, is not something she’s might get allowed to do, especially when the current-at-the-time pop scene and Britney’s then-current sound were a far cry from the kind of sound these “confessional” tell-all songs normally have.

#BritneyPleaseSavePopMusic

(this was a real hashtag that was worldwide trending topic on Twitter in September 2013)
With the anticipation of what a Britney-fied personal record would sound like, anticipation was in an all-time high among fans… so it was natural that her most introspective record would be anchored with an EDM song called Work Bitch. In Britney’s defense, will.i.am pointed out almost immediately how the braggadocio track didn’t represented the album but it was rather about Britney Spears herself.
Promoted with what was heavily rumored to be a 6.5-million-dollars budgeted video which was supposedly heavily sanitized from its originally sexed-up original version (more on that later), the video itself represented most of the promotion the whole album received, as the album’s second and final single (Perfume) was left to rot in negligence after the album’s release.
Outside of a couple of TV appearances (not performances, just interviews), including one to promote her then-upcoming “2-year” Las Vegas residency Britney Spears: Piece of Me, and an E! documentary about the making-of the album and said residency, no actual promotion took place for Britney Jean, which led to the inevitable.

BRITNEY UNLEASHES HER MOST “PERSONAL” ALBUM

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Britney Jean was unleashed to the world on December 3rd of 2013, one day after the Princess’ birthday, and was a big commercial disappointment, debuting at number 4 on Billboard with sales of 107,000 copies (a little bit more than a third of the sales of Femme Fatale), even lower than those of her debut album …Baby One More Time; 3 years after its release, BJ had sold less in the United States than FF in its opening week, although it was eventually certified Gold by the RIAA… this February. Internationally, the release didn’t fare any better and debuted at record-low positions for her releases in most international markets, including missing the Top 30 in the UK.
As most of you already know, reviews we’re nasty all around, the worst of Britney’s career. Because of the somewhat mean content of some of those reviews, I would instead resume what are the biggest perks critics had with the release:

The album’s production (carried mostly by will.i.am protégé Anthony Preston, who hasn’t done anything ever since) was considered monotone, repetitive, dated, backward-thinking, overproduced and by-the-numbers. The album, full, on EDM beats and synthesizers, doesn’t really have that much of a breathing spot as there’s not that much of musical variety.
Lyrically, the album was considered a disappointment considered its nature as a “personal album”, with the lyricism being considered somewhat superficial given the self-titled naming and Britney’s hype surrounding the content itself.
Vocally, Britney Jean was ripped apart by critics and even some listeners. When the opening track’s autotune-less “warm up” vocal sessions leaked in 2014, critics complained about Britney’s (lack of) vocal talent and added fuel to the debate about wherever she’s actually talented at all, accusations that the song producer William Orbit dismissed.

SING A SONG OF SIXPENCE, MISS BRITNEY SPEARS

After one of the songs leaked ahead of the album’s release, there were accusations that backing vocalist Myah Marie (who had appeared on Brit’s previous two albums) was the lead singer not only on said leaked track but also in a large portion of the album (this is what she sounds like), accusations that Marie herself denied as well as Britney’s reps.
Her representatives claimed that Marie wasn’t involved in neither Perfume nor Passenger, the tracks that were the source of most of the controversy, and ultimately she wasn’t credited in none of those songs, although she’s credited as a (not background) vocalist in several of the other tracks of the album (mostly the Preston-produced songs as Work Bitch, Tik Tik Boom, Til It's Gone, Chillin' With You and Now That I Found You), including Alien (in which she’s not credited), who had a vocal steam leak in 2014 which showcases how uncanny is Myah’s impression of Britney is. A credited background singer is Sia in her co-composed single Perfume, which was the source of a weird misstep when Britney was caught lip-syncing to a version of the song with Sia’s vocals forefront in the mix.
A lot has been said about how Britney’s signature singing ‘baby’ voice is not her real one, how do they compare and how much damage has done to Brit’s current vocal chops, and even though she can still sing wherever she wants to, it’s quite obvious that she’s not that comfortable with it and, as such, she prefers to enhance her voice with the use of technology and some studio trickery… also, she might have gotten used to it considering how effortless and vivid were her earlier performances… here’s I’m A Slave 4 U at the 2001 VMAs just because how iconic it is.

BRITNEY JEAN… BY BRITNEY JEAN SPEARS

"People can take everything away from you, but they can never take away your truth.
The question is: Can you handle mine?"
Britney Spears in a song that’s not from this album and not originally from her

Described by critics as “a concept album about the loneliness of pop life”, Britney Jean actually open with quite a promise with Alien, a mid-tempo, melancholic, airy, ethereal dance pop opener that works as a more teenage-sounding version of Ray of Light, which is not surprising considering the involvement of said album’s mastermind (the aforementioned William Orbit) and that sonically picks-up where FF closer Criminal left off, but lyrically is quite different, as it portrays Britney having an intimate and personal realization that she, after years of tumultuous and erratic events, has lost grip of who she was and how she felt like an extraterrestrial in her own world; however she realizes that she’s not longer alone as she looks at the glow in the stars as a light to guide her home away from her insecurities of the past, and to feel safe and finally finding comfort in her true skin, as the chorus repeats the catchphrase ‘not alone’ “until it is pitchshifted up like a departing space ship”
Originally intended to include Gaga in the song (and also supposed to be released as a single, which unfortunately didn’t happened), Alien was considered the conceptual and musical highlight of the project by critics, and is easily the most personal, vulnerable and my personal highlight of the project… which made everything that came afterward a hard pill to swallow. Before that, I can’t help to mention THE GLITCH (2:14 in the song), which was apparently, as everything wrong with music of the period, will.i.am’s fault.
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Work Bitch (alternatively known in censored form as Work Work, or in the explicit version as Bitch Bitch) is a hard hitting EDM smasher and heavy mood-whiplash, which was definitely not co-written by Sebastian Ingrosso, in which Britney gently asks us (over a basic club beat which grows more overloaded as the song moves forward) is we want a hot body, an European luxury car (either a Bugatti, a Maserati or a Lambo ^{skirrt skirrt skirrt}) or to sip martinis while partying in a big mansion in France, only to disappoint us by calling us bitches and telling us to better work as if we were supermodels and she was RuPaul.
WB is, if you wanna practice some mental gymnastics, more ‘personal’ than its given credit for, as Britney details how much benefits she gets from hustling all these years, and inviting us to dance with that smashing wall-of-sound-laden beat that drowns most of the track. Way more forward-thinking and exciting that everything that comes after it, WB has become somewhat of a new classic for the Princess of Pop, and is pretty much deserved of said designation.
Perfume, co-written by Sia, is another album highlight (actually Britney’s favorite from the album) and one of the finest ballads of Brit’s late-catalogue. Written about her ex-fiancé Jason Trawick, the song deals with Britney’s insecurity about a current relationship, with Britney singing with some of her strongest vocals in years about how she believes that her partner is cheating on her and how she puts on her perfume in order to mark her territory. Released with a tie-in with her perfume Fantasy, the song kinda flopped worldwide and halted all of the promotion of the album, however it still remains (alongside the rawer Dreaming Mix, included as a bonus track) as one of the most interesting songs in 2010s Britney catalogue.
The music video, directed by known troll and middling talented videomaker Joseph Khan, has an unreleased director’s cut in which the straightforward concept of a cheating partner is changed to that of Britney playing the Angelina Jolie role in a gone-wrong version of Mr. and Mrs. Smith sans the boyfriend who is also an assassin.
It Should Be Easy finds Britney’s voice drown in both the auto-tune setting used by Kanye for the Runaway coda and the vocals of guest-star will.i.am in the chorus, all while produceco-writer David Guetta rehashes Swedish House Mafia (which originally broke up the same year in which BJ was released). The song, about Britney imagining a bright-normal-future with a man who had stolen her heart, stating that love “shouldn't be complicated”. Although I like this song, and her team obviously likes it to as it commissioned remixes to be serviced to clubs, it signals when things start to go somewhat downhill.
Tik Tik Boom, the T.I.-assisted fifth track, was always dubbed as a potential third single (remixes were commissioned but nothing official ever came up), and it’s not hard to see why: as one of her rare collaborations with a rapper, the static-y, dance-floor ready production presents Britney teasing a male partner with a night of… well… tik tik boom… that means sex, doing so while serving some circa-2001 sexy vocals as T.I. raps about treating her like an animal up to the point that PETA (which hates Britney) should be called in response. It’s fast, it’s straightforward and yet, it’s kinda forgettable and also very disappointing coming from or Princess Urbanney.
Guetta comes back with Body Ache, another outdated EDM bop in which Brit (accompanied by vocoder and several dozens of vocal distortion treatments) sings about the kind of ‘I wanna dance so hard it gonna turn you on’ anthem which Miss Spears can do on her sleep, with a backtrack that sounds straight out of the EDM will.i.am was doing with the Peas during the Beginning/E.N.D. era. Also it ends in a somewhat anticlimactic way.
Personal Britney makes a return with this track that wouldn’t be too out of place in FF: The Guetta co-written Til It’s Gone, in which Brit realizes that, after losing the love of her life (Trawick), her life would never be the same, or how “you never know what you got 'til it's gone”. Coming some two years to late sonically, in terms of lyrics the track it’s another story, as some interesting imagery pops here and there and it’s nice to leave the dance floor behind, especially when talking about a woman who (at least in the previous albums) rarely shut up about them.
Katy Perry arrives on the record but not as a feature, but as a writer, in the Diplo-produced, Sia-co-written and Prism outtake Passenger, in which some interesting EDM beats moves out of the way after the opening (they come back, don’t worry) to reveal a refreshing and very welcome electropop rock song with some great Britney vocals about letting someone to guide her after she’s willing to let herself be his ‘passenger’. Great lyrics, daring production, good vocal performance… it’s not hard to see why critics loved this track so much, and it’s a shame it gets buried among so much underwhelming stuff.
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Chillin’ with You, the album’s most infamous moment, finds Britney dueting with her sister, ex-Nickelodeon star and attempted country singer Zoey Meredith Brooks, about hanging out together and drinking wine (Brit likes red, Chase Matthews' ex likes white wine) while, as the southern white suburban moms they are, they feel they have nothing else to worry about. Although the lyrics are… well… cute, and the subject matter is decidedly novel by Britney’s standards, the mixture of country and EDM doesn’t mash as well as the producers might had expected… also, the fact that their vocals were so obviously recorded in different sessions (as showed by the kind of chemistry you only see in cheesy 70s movies starring John Travolta and Lily Tomlin) makes the whole ordeal so surreal.
The album closer in the standard edition is Don’t Cry, a FUCK YOU MR. TRAWICK song in which Britney reassures his man that it’s not worthy to cry as their relationship was always directed to end no matter what they do, and how she’s gonna go to not see him all tear eyed. The bouncy but subdued dubstep back track by pop goblin and producer will.i.am enhances what is arguably Britney’s best vocals in the whole album and some really nice lyrics which still doesn’t work as an album closer.
Sia comes back in the first bonus track of the deluxe edition, Brightest Morning Star, and she brings with her current pop Pariah (that would be Dr. Luke, but he’s only in this track) to the mix, on a track about God (or maybe about her kids, according to Dr. Puke), or at least one that implies to be one; in Sia’s words: ‘Britney was extremely sweet. She came in with the title ‘Brightest Morning Star’ and told me that’s how Jesus found his way. She wanted to write a kind of gospel song that wasn’t ramming it down your throat’. Despite the good intentions, BGS is no Jesus Walks and it gets short in the musical department, with a surprisingly weak instrumental which doesn’t do any good service to the song.
Britney continues her religious quest with Hold on Tight, a mid-tempo ballad that in which Miss Spears details how God comes into her dreams (or it might be an Incubus?) showing her the path to righteousness, even when the road is not as friendly with her, and… to be honest, this is my least favorite song on the album, it’s just so forgettable even if it’s quite refreshing in the context of BJ.
To end the evening, Britney continues her unintentional audition to become a gospel singer with Now That I Found You, a shameless EDM track (with early-10s euphoric drop and everything) about how incomplete she was until she found Him (to be honest, this could also be another love song, but after two bonus tracks about God it’s easy to see where she was pointing towards with the vague lyrics) and how everything is better now. Unlike the forgettable predecessors, NTIFY is fun (dated? Sure… but also fun), it’s bright, it’s colorful, it’s happy, and one of my favorite songs on the record… even if co-writer Guetta basically ripped off his own hit Without You from 3 years before.

u/radiofan15’s UNWANTED OPINION ABOUT BRITNEY JEAN

Britney Jean is not an autobiography, it’s not a tell-all gossip-venting machine, it’s a clean, overproduced product of misdirection and lack of focus… and yet it’s actually fascinating in several ways: it’s arguably the greatest resume you would find of how pop music sounded in between 2008 and 2013, it’s a great bridge between the impersonal heavily-polished Femme Fatale and the serviceable and engaging Glory, which saw Britney leading the way on how everything would sound from the start.
It’s quite ironic how the album’s naming (taking a cue from Janet Jackson’s Damita Jo, her actual middle name) plays against it, as self-titled releases (unless they are debut albums) are associated with being in control of your output or reinventions (pop examples includes Paramore as their first release as a trio, Beyoncé to fit the minimalistic sounds and Janet Jackson’s janet. to showcase independence from the Jackson family) and unless you’re Led Zeppelin, Peter Gabriel or Weezer, the idea of having a second eponymous release usually means that audiences should expect to experience the performer in a never-seen before way. 2001’s Britney was the album that give a meaning to the phrase “I’m not that innocent” spurred in her previous effort, with lyrics talking about womanhood and sexuality being complemented with R&B vibes and rock/hip-hop elements. Britney Jean, when compared to Femme Fatale, is way behind the difference between Britney and Oops!... I Did It Again, which in retrospective is even worse as the relative freshness and reinvention of Glory leaves the ‘openness’ and ‘variety’ of BJ in shambles.
One of the album’s biggest mistakes is in its sequencing: the first three tracks are the obvious highlights, the next three are basically DOA EDM songs, the next four are the most “adventurous” musically speaking and the bonus tracks are all about God. Taking out some of the ‘pure club’ anthems could theoretically create an album more deserving of its ‘personal’ label, going full Spinal Tap and amp up the production values to do something crazier might have given us something that was at least digestible in a single listening.
The album, as it is, is not perfect, but it’s far from the dumpster fire more people called it, including some of the most interesting Britney songwriting in years (or even her career) and some tracks that are already started to show signs of cult classic. The only positive thing most people seems to agree with is how short it is: with the alternative mix of Perfume included, BJ is ‘only’ 50 minutes long (the standard edition is just 36 minutes long), which is something most performers (even today) seems to struggle with.
Also, she didn’t came to play games with the art cover and aesthetics this era, the album cover and the booklet is her most gorgeous to date, with the former having her most flattering front picture of any of her albums and the neon typography creating a very pleasing contrast with her elegant black-and-white imagery (in the deluxe edition) or the elegantly, milky pastel coloring of the standard edition.

THERE CAN BE 100 LISTENERS IN THE ROOM AND 99 LEAVE BUT ONE... - BRITNEY JEAN THE DAY IT DEBUTED

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Britney and her team gave up quite easily on Britney Jean and, honestly, they shouldn’t be blamed: the offer to have a Vegas Residency with a salary of $15 million dollars per year seems like the kind of offer a pop star and mother of two with enough money already for several timelines would accept, with the album itself being more of an afterthought.
Britney was originally slated to remain on the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino for two years but ultimately extended her run for another two years, before finally touring overseas (without an album attached to the performances) during 2017 and 2018.
Because of the lack of promotion, Britney Jean underperformed when compared to Miss Spears’ previous releases, with estimated worldwide sales (as of April 2018) being close to 1.3 million copies, less than a third of Femme Fatale’s sales.
Truth be told, BJ flopped hard… HOWEVER, not everything would have turned out that terrible (not even in a million years it would have sold as much a FF but at least the downfall could have been smaller) with some actual promotion and interest from Brit herself.

SOME REACHING… I MEAN… THE SIGNIFICANCE OF BRITNEY JEAN

BJ is, in my opinion, a compilation of the era, the resume of “in the previous episode of” that you get on serialized TV shows, a farewell to the bombastic era of synth-heavy EDM club anthems with gratuitous drops and interchangeable lyrics. During the genre’s opus, some performers tried to bend this sound (and their equivalents) to their benefit, either mixing it with their style or playing with the boundaries of the sound: it could be a Taylor Swift doing a We Are Never Getting Back Together to get a broad crossover hit, a Lady Gaga mixing multiple genres to create a sonically complex pastiche called Born This Way, or even straight-up jumping almost seamlessly from rap/R&B to club bangers like Nicki Minaj did in Roman Reloaded. Britney in Britney Jean did almost the opposite of that.
Britney Jean is, in some ways, a time capsule of the era in its rawest and purest form (some might differ and replace those buzzwords with generic and bland), with the average user being able to trace mostly any track to a style, influence, sub-genre or even performer. Listening to BJ is like watching a 70s movie in VHS in an old, square TV, basically an unintentional period piece that reflects the volatile, bombastic and extravagant style of those golden years of 2008-2013, which, within the mindset of Britney Jean sounds kinda tired and bland, surprising no one when that branch of pop went back into obscurity and irrelevance almost as fast as grunge music did when Kurt Cobain died.
Britney Jean came up in a time of transition of popular music, with streaming showing the kind of power it had on the charts and more subdued, minimalistic music taking the world by storm. Popular music, as you might already noticed, evolved into a slower, more melodic, calculated, numb, almost anticlimatic entity which was more fitting with our current social and political climate. To paraphrase Todd in the Shadows: 2013 had a hit literally called Happy and 2018 had both a hit called SAD! and another called Happier with a video about a dog that dies.
In terms of Britneyology (both the study of Britney Spears and the religion dedicated to her persona), BJ is also a glimpse into Britney the full-fledged artist. Britney has never been the kind of performer that gets heavily involved into her music, with Britney’s role being generally limited to the choice of songs, sequencing, development of sounds and themes with her assigned team of writers and producers, and performing of course; sometimes Britney gets involved into the heavier portions of her music (the classic Everytime is a great example of it) but most of the time she remains quite anonymous, with her voice and choice being overwritten by the men on charge, something that became quite apparent during and after the Dark Ages (2004-2008) with the cancelling of the legendary Original Doll, her lack of songwriting credits in both Blackout and Circus, and her much-criticized anonymity in Femme Fatale.
BJ was Britney deciding who does want to work with, what does she wants to sing and even how to equilibrate her musical and visual persona. Britney has always being in control of how is she portrayed on official media, most famously rejecting an animated concept for the video of …Baby One More Time in favor of a Lolita-inspired take on catholic school girls, and then the slow process from jailbait to grownup woman. During the post-production of the Work Bitch video, she clashed with director Ben Mor over the kind of content the video should show, as she was a mother in her 30s now instead of an unreachable male gaze fantasy.
With BJ, the Legendary Miss Britney Spears showed us how much she has changed since that controversial 2003/2004 period (the last time she was that involved with an album) in which she received the Kiss of Death from Madonna, suffered her infamous accident and, of course, married twice in a calendar year. This new Britney was a much-different person, and her voice deserved to be heard, and even if the results weren’t the greatest, it was a step into the right director for Britney to get what she always wanted: being a full-fledged artist capable of taking her own decisions and learning from her mistakes.

POP AFTER BRITNEY JEAN

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Coincidentally in 2014 most of the ambassadors of the dominant pop sound of the early 10s were either taking a musical break, flopping or changing lanes, so that year paved the way for the transition of what do we define as popular music, with the winners of the evolution race being trap (Fetty Wap’s Trap Queen), meme music from awful people (Bobby Shmurda’s Hot Nathans) or untalented losers (T-Wayne’s Nasty Freestyle, Silentó’s Watch Me), trop pop (OMI’s Cheerleader, Justin Bieber’s entire Purpose era) or whatever outlier track dared to pass through those filters.
What happened afterwards is a horror story most of popheads tells in fire camps a la Are You Afraid of the Dark?

BRITNEY AFTER BRITNEY JEAN

Glory , the follow-up Britney Jean, received very positives reviews and was considered a strong return-to-form for Britney, and even if it wasn’t as successful as her label might have wanted, the truth is that, at the end of the day, whatever Britney decides to do next (and considering the direction she seems to be taking) it can be as underwhelming as Britney Jean.

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I listened to over 400 albums, LP’s and EP’s in 2017. I wanted to share my list and experience with you.

Hi reddit,
Initially this started out as a typical 365 Albums in 365 Days challenge. We’ve seen them before haven’t we? You’ve probably even tried one yourself I imagine. I enjoy keeping lists, and tracking what I do over a particular. I already keep a list of what films I watch throughout a year, what books I’ve read, and so on. It only made sense for me to track the albums I listen to, and that’s how I ended up doing the challenge. However, I found myself also listening to a wide range of shorter EP’s and LP’s.
When listening to EP’s it felt a bit like cheating. How could I justify listening to a 15 minute EP one day, and listen to a 3-hour triple-LP the next? I couldn’t, so to make it a bit fairer I increased the target to 400, and then to 430 which I was able to hit just after Christmas.
Please note that this is just a silly little project that I would like to share with you all, I don't take music all that seriously, nor do I judge other's for their music tastes, I used to do this privately as a teenager but realised how much of a dense motherfucker I was, so doing this list has allowed me to come full circle in that regard.
Below is a list of everything I listened to, but before that I should get into some context about my musical taste and some general notes on the list. I would advise reading these before jumping straight into the list, just so you have an idea of what to expect.

Notes on the list
So I listen to a wide variety of music, I don’t generally stick to one genre, although like anyone, I do have my favourites and preferences and this will become obvious as the list goes on. For context, my favourite genres (I’m going to deliberately cast a very wide net here) range from electronic, jazz, hard rock, metal, electro-swing, blues/roots rock and punk. Again, I would like to stress this is deliberately vague and a wide net just to give you a general idea of what I like and what to expect to find in the list. I know reddit is home to some the world's greatest pedants but I'm not going to debate if deadmau5 is progressive house, tech house or two-step-inspired-80s-funk-disco-big-beat. It doesn't matter to me.
I will be the first to admit that there is a lack of some genres in this list, most notably hip-hop, especially compared to other genres. I’m a 26-year old white male from the UK countryside, I’m not exactly the first person you’d expect to listen to rap and grime and stuff Although I will admit, as the list goes on that number does start to grow - I will come back to this shortly.
I should also provide a greater context for the start of the list, and why it starts out the way it does. Throughout 2016 I spent a large portion of the year listening to the back catalogue of Miles Davis. He has dozens of albums and I spent a huge chunk of the previous year going through them. You can actually see this in action at the very start with the three albums, Sorcerer, Nerfititi and Filles de Kilimanjaro all being played in a row right at the start. These were the last three of his major label albums I needed to listen to, so it kinda spilled over into 2017 I guess. The first album, Nearness, was nominated for best Jazz Instrumental Album in the Grammy’s back in January so I just saw that as a simple place to start I guess.
How was I able to do this? Well I started the year working a part-time job in a small office, virtually by myself, I was essentially the only person in the office 80% of the time, and it allowed me to build up a huge collection of music to listen to. From dear favourites, to albums I probably should have already heard. (I will explain how I complied this shortly) I would work 6-hours a day, which if you include 40-minute-there-and-back commute allowed me to listen to as many as 7 albums/EP’s in a day, although this didn’t always happen.
I also figured I could listen to a lot of albums in the gym, which I ended up doing. I would handpick more suitable, faster, more aggressive albums which didn’t always work- Snuff by Slipknot coming on in the middle of a great workout is an immediate hype-killer, albeit a lovely song. From August I switched jobs, and so the list slowed down considerably, but by that point I had already amassed 250 listens. The rest would be listened to in the gym, at home, or via my new 50-minute commute. I also listened to a lot of audiobooks in this time, I probably could have got close to 500 if I was even more dedicated.
My methods of finding, storing and listening to albums simply came down to using spotify, specifically the Discover Weekly, Release Radar and Related Artists sections. I know this sounds like a bit of a shill, but I couldn’t believe how useful these tools are. My advice to anyone who is looking to find new bands/artists to listen to go to your favourite band’s spotify/deezetidal/apple music page and go through their related artists till you find one you like. Then go through their related artists pages, and so on. It starts slowly at first but as your tastes develop you begin to find more things you like, you understand them better, and learn to know what you like - classic example, I don’t like post-hardcore music. I just don’t like ‘shouty metal’ as I call it (there are a few odd exceptions, like anything but I generally don’t go in for it). However, as it turned out, I kinda like it when it’s a female vocalist doing it. I really enjoyed the sounds of Blood Command and Sumo Cyco for instance. Yes, I understand that these bands aren't 'post-hardcore' for you genre-pedants out there.
So, what did I learn/find out? Going chronologically is that I’ve learned to love Metal again. For years I dismissed it as shouty, over-indulgent noise but finding bands that blur the line between rock and metal, as well as the weird and wonderful. In March I stumbled across Ghost and absolutely fell in love with them. The Satanic thing is of course a fun gimmick but I love the pop-filtered metal sound. It was exactly what I wanted. I really, really love the album Meliora. I’d also second this to the various symphonic-metal bands, particularly Nightwish and Within Temptation. Dark Passion Play and Hydra have quickly become all-time favourites. I could go on but I’m sure you metalheads will be able to find what you’re looking for in the list.
Secondly, I learned to appreciate Kanye. So what you want about him as a person, his musical creations are phenomenal. I greatly adore his later work (MBDTF, Yeezus and TLOP) Yeezus in particular is another all-time favourite. I’m indifferent on the first three albums which I know is going to shock some people, they’re fine albums but I just prefer the later stuff.
Third, I learned to like Grime. I always held off on it but after sampling the likes of Skepta, Stormzy and a few others I learned that when they bang, there is nothing else like it. This can be seen towards the final third/back end of the list. I know grime might not agree as a whole but Gangs Signs and Prayer was one of the best albums I heard from 2017, and if I were to do this list in 2018, there’d likely be more Grime present.
Fourth, King Gizz are just amazing. End of. Just wanted to get that one out there. I’ll likely be starting 2018 with Gumboot Soup.
Lastly, I wanted to do this to prove to myself that I really can learn to enjoy all kinds of different music, from a huge spectrum, and so can you. If you go in with an open mind you can appreciate all sorts of bands and artists, I looked forward to listening to even the most weird and experimental and I guess ‘challenging’ of music.
Speaking of which, I would just like to point out that I only failed to finish two albums off this list:
Toxicity by System of a Down and Sold Out by DJ Paypal. I just found SOAD to be annoying and frankly they just don’t click with me, although I have heard some of Serj’s other work which is great, I think I turned it off with about 4 songs left. Sorry SOAD fans, I see the appeal but it just simply didn’t click for me, it happens sometimes. The latter (Sold Out) just wasn’t very good in my opinion so I turned it off after about 10 or 15 minutes. It felt like it was put together by someone who didn’t understand how to compose music, like at all. There were maybe 3 or 4 other albums I turned off before finishing but I didn’t write these down.
That’s enough from me, if you would like to know more about the list, or have any more specific questions or what I thought of a particular band/artist/song/album, ask away! Here is the list:

Nearness - Joshua Redman & Brad Mehldau
Vikings - New Politics
New Politics - New Politics
Sorcerer - Miles Davis
Nerfititi - Miles Davis
Filles de Kilimanjaro - Miles Davis
The Complete Bitches Brew Sessions - Miles Davis
The Storm - Tech N9ne
Nonagon Infinity - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
10 Ways To Steal Home Plate - Wolfgang Gartner
American IV: The Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash
Trans Europe Express - Kraftwerk
Elvis Presley - Elvis
The College Dropout - Kanye West
Late Registration - Kanye West
Head Hunters - Herbie Hancock
A Love Supreme - John Coltrane
La La Land - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
Naught - Stolen Babies
It Flew By - Electric Swing Circus
My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy - Kanye West
Sunday at the Village Vanguard - Bill Evans Trio
Reset - Flying Lotus
Chulahoma- The Black Keys
Graduation - Kanye West
Sketches of Spain - Miles Davis
Disc-Overy - Tinie Tempah
For Lack of a Better Name - deadmau5
BLVCK MVGIC - Kill the Noise
To Pimp A Butterfly - Kendrick Lamar
Yeezus - Kanye West
Giant Steps - John Coltrane
Be Here Now - Oasis
Portrait in Jazz - Bill Evans Trio
Thrust - Herbie Hancock
Escape from Electric Mountain - Feed Me
Watch the Throne - Jay-Z/Kanye West
Animals - Pink Floyd
Time Out - The Dave Brubeck Quartet
Slipknot - Slipknot
The Good, The Bad and The Queen - The Good, The Bad and The Queen
High Visceral, Pt 1 - Psychedelic Porn Crumpets
Roosevelt - Roosevelt
Collide - Colleen D'agostino
Human - Rag n Bone Man
Float Along-Fill Your Lungs - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
Heathen Chemistry - Oasis
The Fall - Gorillaz
Lucid Dreams - Antiloops
Random Album Title - deadmau5
Iowa - Slipknot
Under Stars - Amy MacDonald
Live Life Living - Example
Dumb Blood - VANT
A Bad Girl in Harlem - New Politics
Human After All - Daft Punk
Once - Nightwish
Drunk - Thundercat
Idle Moments - Grant Green
Flying Microtonal Banana - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
Pure Heroine - Lorde
Country for Old Men - John Schofield
Divide - Ed Sheeran
Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses - Slipknot
Rage Against The Machine - Rage Against the Machine
Opus Eponymous - Ghost
I See You - The xx
Different Creatures - Circa Waves
The Evolution of Man - Example
Stuff I used to do - deadmau5
The New Vice - Otherkin
Channel The Spirits - The Comet is Coming
All Hope is Gone - Slipknot
Dark Passion Play - Nightwish
Infestissumam - Ghost
Everything's Beautiful - Robert GlaspeMiles Davis
Pattern + Grid World - Flying Lotus
Ascension: Edition I - John Coltrane
Jazz Samba - Stan Getz and Charlie Byrd
Midnight Menu - TOKiMONSTA
Study Guide - Question and Freddie Joachim
Don't You Wanna - The Amazons
Imaginaerum - Nightwish
Born To Die - Lana Del Rey
A/B - Kaleo
Young Blindness - The Murlocs
Rough Cuts - Parov Stelar
Don't Believe The Truth - Oasis
The 201 - Otherkin
Led Zeppelin- Led Zeppelin
Zawadi - Kimyan Law
Settle - Disclosure
Perceptions of Pacha - Goldfish
To The Stars - Feed Me
Playing in the Shadows - Example
Introducing Christian Scott - Christian Scott
The Balcony - Catfish and the Bottlemen
808s and Heartbreak - Kanye West
The Velvet Underground & Nico - The Velvet Underground and Nico
Weather Report - Weather Report
2112 - Rush
The Day is My Enemy - The Prodigy
Meliora - Ghost
Venice - Anderson Paak
Until The Quiet Comes - Flying Lotus
Monk's Dream - Thelonious Monk
Cosmic Intoxication - TOKiMONSTA
xx - The xx
Skin - Flume
DAMN. - Kendrick Lamar
Angels Fall First - Nightwish
Roots and Herbs - Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers
This is the Life - Amy MacDonald
Everyday Robots - Damon Albarn
Melt Yourself Down - Melt Yourself Down
Sub Focus - Sub Focus
Los Angeles - Flying Lotus
Oceanborn- Nightwish
The Burning Spider - Parov Stelar
1039/Smoothed Out Slappy Hours - Green Day
Last Evenings on Earth - Melt Yourself Down
Split the Atom - Nosia
Cult Drugs - Blood Command
Led Zeppelin II - Led Zeppelin
Humanz - Gorillaz
ROCKISDEAD - Dorothy
Bishop Briggs - Bishop Briggs
Sophisticated Ignorance - Kronic
Out of the Pit - Kobra and the Lotus
Lazers Not Included - Wilkinson
Prophecy - The Comet is Coming
Century Child - Nightwish
Black Focus - Yussef Kamaal
Dig Out Your Soul - Oasis
Time Machine - The Tazers
Wish I Had An Angel - Nightwish
Memories...Do Not Open - The Chainsmokers
Money Sucks, Friends Rule - Dillon Francis
Five Inches of a Car Accident - Blood Command
Desiderium - TOKiMONSTA
Mister Asylum - Highly Suspect
Get Busy Living - Goldfish
House of Gold & Bones Pt 1 - Stone Sour
Barbara Barbara, we face a shining future - Underworld
Blue and Lonesome - The Rolling Stones
III - Moderat
Smokin' At The Half Note - Wynton Kelly Trio and Wes Montgomery
Blue Train - John Coltrane Sextet
Willoughby's Beach - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
Modern Life is Rubbish - Blur
channel ORANGE - Frank Ocean
The Life of Pablo - Kanye West
FOREVE - TOKiMONSTA
The Unforgiving - Within Temptation
Currents - Lux Pacific
Amaranthe - Amaranthe
Evil Empire - Rage Against the Machine
Kobra and the Lotus - Kobra and the Lotus
Ascension: Edition II - John Coltrane
Polygon - Battle Tapes
12 Bar Bruise - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
Red Light Fix - The Dirty Youth
The Invisible Girl - Parov Stelar
You’re Invited - Gavin Turek & TOKiMONSTA
Paradise - Lana Del Rey
Canvas - Robert Glasper
Ghostclocks - Blood Command
Hypnotic - Wilkinson
Spectrum - Billy Cobham
The Amazons - The Amazons
Lonerism- Tame Impala
Exchange - The JuJu
Ah Um - Charles Mingus
Fanfares - GoGo Penguin
House of Gold & Bones Pt 2 - Stone Sour
Torus - Sub Focus
Love in the 4th Dimension - The Big Moon
Everybody Digs Bill Evans - Bill Evans Trio
Arcade Fire (EP) - Arcade Fire
Radio Moscow - Radio Moscow
The Ride - Catfish and the Bottlemen
Chapter 7 - Ezra Collective
End of an Era - Nightwish
All Killer, No Filler - Sum 41
Exit Planet Dust - The Chemical Brothers
Sound of Silver - LCD Soundsystem
We're All Mad Here - Tut Tut Child
Feed Me's Family Reunion- Feed Me
The Black Halo - Kamelot
Chuck - Chuck Berry
Songs for the Deaf - Queens of the Stone Age
I LOVE JAN LUNDGREN TRIO - Jan Lundgren Trio
Enema of the State - blink-182
Hard Normal Daddy - Squarepusher
Are You Satisfied? - Slaves
If You Have Ghost - Ghost
High Priestess - Kobra and the Lotus
How Did We Get So Dark? - Royal Blood
Melodrama - Lorde
Slowdive - Slowdive
Young Chasers - Circa Waves
Different Gear, Still Speeding - Beady Eye
If You Wait - London Grammar
The English Riviera - Metronomy
Malibu - Anderson Paak
In Utero - Nirvana
Starfucker - STRFKR
Nubya's 5ive - Nubya Garcia
Gravity X - Truckfighters
Oddments - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
On The Corner - Miles Davis
Moanin' - Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers
Animalia- Mammal Hands
Space is the Place - Sun Ra
Coexist - The xx
Rumours - Fleetwood Mac
Death to the Planet - The Comet is Coming
Does This Look Infected? - Sum 41
In Search Of... - N.E.R.D
Somewhere in Between - Braxton Cook
Welcome Reality - Nero
Design Your Universe - Epica
Mars Red Sky - Mars Red Sky
Box of Secrets - Blood Red Shoes
Spiritual Unity - Albert Ayler
An Awesome Wave - alt-J
The Boy Who Died Wolf - Highly Suspect
Maybes - Mount Kimbie
Sketch on Glass - Mount Kimbie
New Eyes - Clean Bandit
Every Valley - Public Service Broadcasting
Theatre of Dimensions- Xandria
Music For An Accelerated Culture - Hadouken!
Diaspora - Christian Scott
Feed Me’s Psychedelic Journey - Feed Me
Extended Play - Baby Strange
The Shadow Self - Tarja
Keep Moving On - Friends In Tokyo
Wisdom of Elders - Shabaka and the Ancestors
I Sing The Body Electric - Weather Report
Sold Out - DJ Paypal
The Nothing - The Last Dinosaur
XIII - Mushroomhead
Dig Your Own Hole - The Chemical Brothers
Saint Cecilia - Foo Fighters
Prohibition Swing - Lyre Le Temps
Random Access Memories - Daft Punk
White Noise - The Living End
Eye To The Telescope - KT Tunstall
The Shape of Jazz To Come - Ornette Coleman
The Bones Of What You Believe - CHVRCHES
Loopholes - The Murlocs
Toys - Crewdson
Form - Battle Tapes
Paper Mâché Dream Balloon - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
Led Zeppelin III - Led Zeppelin
Coeur Calme- Kimyan Law
Cosmogramma - Flying Lotus
Know No Better - Major Lazer
Superunknown - Soundgarden
Prevail I - Kobra and the Lotus
Miles Davis and Milt Jackson Quintet/Sextet - Miles Davis & Milt Jackson
Dim Lit - Polar Bear
SBTRKT - SBTRKT
Miles Davis And Horns - Miles Davis
Pip Paine (Pay The £5000 You Owe) - Metronomy
Born For This - 7kingz
Dedication: The Start - 7kingz
Dedication: The Finish - 7kingz
After Laughter - Paramore
Endless Forms Most Beautiful - Nightwish
Overly Dedicated- Kendrick Lamar
The Silent Force - Within Temptation
Go Plastic - Squarepusher
Royal Deluxe - Royal Deluxe
Straight Outta Burbank - Stone Sour
Cult of the New Beat - Blood Command
Make Rock Great Again - Kaiser Franz Josef
Midnight Cometh - Wo Fat
Phi - Truckfighters
Hacktivist - Hacktivist
Enter - Within Temptation
The Beyond/Where The Giants Roam - Thundercat
Devil Electric - Devil Electric
Sketches of Brunswick East - King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard/Mild High Club
… For The Whole World To See - Death
The New Sounds - Miles Davis
Demonstration - Tinie Tempah
The Way of the Fist - Five Finger Death Punch
Together, As One - Dinosaur
God Save the Teen - Strange Bones
The Quantum Enigma - Epica
Stone Sour - Stone Sour
We The Rats - Strange Bones
In A Silent Way - Miles Davis
One Day As A Lion EP - One Day As A Lion
Mother Earth - Within Temptation
Sun Giant - Fleet Foxes
She’s Here Now - Estrons
Experience - The Prodigy
Maiden Voyage - Herbie Hancock
Headspin - Black Honey
Music is Rotted One Note - Squarepusher
color & monochrome - bohemianvoodoo/Fox Capture Plan
Ouroboros - Ruby the Hatchet
Call Him A Doctor - GFOTY
Section 80 - Kendrick Lamar
Falling Into Pieces - Black Casino and the Ghost
Born For This - Royal Deluxe
Whip It On - The Ravonettes
How to be a Human Being - Glass Animals
Concrete and Gold - Foo Fighters
Mania - Truckfighters
Please Please Me - The Beatles
Night Lights - Gerry Mulligan Sextet
Nuclear Blast (Bonus) - Nightwish
Hand Us The Alpha Male - Blood Command
Legendary EP - Welshly Arms
War is the Answer - Five Finger Death Punch
Save Yourself - SBTRKT
Gold Dust - The Dirty Youth
AVĪCI (01) - Avicii
The Holographic Principle - Epica
Richard D. James Album - Aphex Twin
Budakhan Mindphone - Squarepusher
Come What(ever) May - Stone Sour
color & monochrome 2 - bohemianvoodoo/Fox Capture Plan
The Heart of Everything- Within Temptation
What Am I Going To Do With Everything I Know? - The Weather Station
Gang Signs and Prayer - Stormzy
Wild Honey - The Beach Boys
XX - Dawnbringer
Prophets of Rage - Prophets of Rage
Time and Space - Moses Boyd
Companion - Braids
Hailey Tuck - Hailey Tuck
Halestorm - Halestorm
Voodoo Swing - The Vaude Villainz
Boiling Point - Tech N9ne
Join the Q - The Qemists
As You Were - Liam Gallagher
Heliocentrics x GLK - Heliocentrics/Gaslamp Killer
Harmony of Difference - Kamasi Washington
Cardinal - Pinegrove
EP - BARTEK
Konnichiwa - Skepta
The Decline of British Sea Power - British Sea Power
Swagger - Flogging Molly
The Decline - NOFX
Hydra - Within Temptation
In A Beautiful Place Out in the Country - Boards of Canada
Popestar - Ghost
A Giant Warrior Descends on Tokyo - Feed Me
Snake EP - P Money
Foo Fighters - Foo Fighters
Lost in Translation - New Politics
The Social Network - Trent ReznoAtticus Ross
Frost/Nixon (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) - Hans Zimmer
Party All the Way to the Hospital - Blood Command
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (Original Score) - Tyler Bates
No Roots - Alice Merton
Audio Secrecy - Stone Sour
Dunkirk (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) - Hans Zimmer
USS (Ubiquitous Synergy Seeker) - New World Alphabet
Kind of Blue - Miles Davis
Back to the Future - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
Danger Twins - Danger Twins
For The Masses - Hadouken!
S/T - Gost
Toys - Broken & Remixed - Crewdson
Muscle Museum - Muse
Covers EP - Welshy Arms
Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds - Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds
The Storm - ZZ Ward
Til The Casket Drops - ZZ Ward
Lun - Destiny Potato
Dual - Sampha
Snake EP 2 - P Money
Toxicity - System of a Down
13 Voices - Sum 41
Uh Huh - Danger Twins
Idiom - Joe Armon-Jones/Maxwell Owin
Valley of the Snake - Ruby The Hatchet
Petals - Darlia
No Bullshit - Avelino
So In Love - Hailey Tuck
OK - Otherkin
Lazy Afternoon - Zara McFarlane
Go Away EP - Milk Teeth
Encore - DJ Snake
Quiet Things - Colleen D’Agostino
I’m In Your Mind Fuzz - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard
No Sleep EP - K2 World/Sir Spyro
Pandora’s Piñata - Diablo Swing Orchestra
Villains - Queens of the Stone Age
Health - Alpha Male Tea Party
Elephant - The White Stripes
No Talk EP - Capo Lee
Fly 4 Life - Route 94
Have Yourself A Very KT Christmas - KT Tunstall
Hydrograd - Stone Sour
Talk Like Thunder - VANT
Sad Sack - Milk Teeth
Everyday is Christmas - Sia
BARTEK - BARTEK
Twelve Tales of Christmas - Tom Chaplin
A Very Decent Christmas - Mad Decent
Pacifisticuffs - Diablo Swing Orchestra
Christmas at the Piano - Kevin Duncan
Dead Sara - Dead Sara
Winter Fantasy - David Arkenstone/Charlee Brooks
Carols from Kings - The Choir of Kings College, Cambridge
Christmas in Blue - Sam Sparro
Misunderstood - Route 94
Delancey Street - Hailey Tuck
Feed Me’s Existential Crisis - Feed Me
Ceremony and Devotion - Ghost
The Classic Christmas Album - Andy Williams
The Weird and Wonderful Marmozets - Marmozets
A Very Very Decent Christmas - Mad Decent
Wrapped in Red - Kelly Clarkson
Merry Christmas - Mariah Carey
Merry Christmas Everyone - Shakin’ Stevens
Christmas - Michael Bublé
Funeral Beach - Blood Command
Every Weekend - Hadouken!
Dookie - Green Day
Opus Mar - Sumo Cyco
Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned - The Prodigy
No Grave But The Sea - Alestorm

Review Of Hawaii And NCL's Pride Of America

I just got back and a friend who is taking the exact same cruise and is also cost conscious asked me to give him all my lessons learned. I figured you all might benefit even if some of this information isn't strictly about cruising. I'm going to ask my travel companions to review it (first time in Hawaii and first time cruising) to see if they have anything to add.

Getting There And Getting Around

Air Fare
With Southwest now offering tickets to Hawaii, I expect the competitive market to drop prices across the board but unless you are fortunate enough to live on the west coast in a city with flights that fly direct, air fare can be pricey. I had to get 4 people there round-trip (2 from rural Maine, 1 from Louisville Kentucky and 1 from the Baltimore/D.C. area). I ended up signing up for the Chase Sapphire credit card (annual fee waived for the first year) and the Alaska Airlines credit card that gave me a buy one/take one sign up offer. My total air fare cost was $2400. Besides the credit card, there was no secret other than monitoring the prices as far in advance as possible to see what typical prices are and then striking when there was a decent sale. I would also mention following Scott's Cheap Flights on the off chance a deal becomes available for when you were already planning on traveling.
Ground Transportation
We flew into Waikiki on Tuesday (cruise started on Saturday) so I got a rental car through Autoslash. The total cost for a mid-size for 4 days was $176 and ended up being from Alamo. While I feel this was a good deal as I had four people, if you're not 100% sure you will need it - you can probably get by with an Uber, taxi or even a hop on/off bus (see excursions later). Many excursions had an option for hotel pickup/drop-off.
Probably the best deal I found was Star Taxi which only charged $25 for up to 4 people one-way to/from the cruise terminal and not much more for other locations. Call 1 hour before you need the service.
Parking
Parking is EXPENSIVE so be sure to do a lot of research if you plan on renting a vehicle.

Oahu

General In your mind, you have this idea of what Hawaii is going to be like. Oahu (specifically Honolulu/Waikiki) is not it. It is very over developed and crowded. Many places are run-down because investors have purchased the property but have chosen to wait until conditions are more favorable to develop. There is a very large homeless population in Hawaii overall but I was shocked by the number of shanty towns and abandoned vehicles doubling as homes I saw on Oahu.
Excursions

Snorkel-Cruise-Swim-Dolphins-Turtles - highly recommended (hint: This excursion may be cheaper directly with the vendor Dolphins And You - if you buy the photos, you will have to go to their Waikiki office later to pick them up and they will offer you a 10% discount on merchandise at that time).
Shark Dive - Unfortunately, this tour got canceled due to weather so I can't comment on it. Since it is on the north shore, the plan was to do an early morning adventure (when the water is calmest) and then spend the rest of the time exploring the beaches and surfers. (hints: You may be able to get this cheaper directly with the vendor North Shore Shark Adventures and if you drive, take one way to get there and another way to get back so you can experience more of the island).
Sunset Cruise & Show - The people I was going with had never cruised before so this was to get their feet wet so to speak. It was nice but not spectacular. You may be able to get it cheaper directly through the vendor Star Of Honolulu. On Fridays, they offer an extra hour for a nominal fee upgrade which includes fireworks. I didn't see the fireworks myself but several people I talked to said they are put on by a hotel and aren't anything special. (hint: If you drive, they will validate your parking ticket and parking will only be $4 instead of $18).
Waikiki Trolley Hop-On Hop-Off You can trade time for money and if you have time, this would be a much more cost effective solution to getting around and is very configurable (how many days of use, how many different lines, etc.)
Polynesian Culture Center - I had the Ambassador Luau Package With Circle Island Tour of Oahu. Pickup was at 8:30 in the morning and drop off wasn't until after 10 PM so it is a long day. If you do this one I have several recommendations. First, take it early in the trip because it includes a multi-day pass so you can go back at no charge for 3 more days and the Circle Island tour allows you to see some areas you may want to explore on your own. Second, you don't get food until 6 PM so be sure to eat breakfast first and plan the rest of the time accordingly (bring snacks for instance). The only thing I was disappointed in was the Diamond Head didn't actually drive up to the crater. Update After the initial post, I was reminded by mashel2811 of a few things. The PCC is Mormon owned/operated which has pros/cons. On the downside, there is no alcohol on-site and things overall tend on the conservative side. Not that I have an issue with that but if you're looking for authenticity then this would represent Polynesia post Christian missionaries. On the upside, it is a huge facility that truly will allow you to experience many of the cultures besides just Hawaii. Also, regardless of how you feel about religion, the money taken in from PCC helps to sponsor many students education from all over Polynesia. I had nothing to compare the luau to but I have heard from several other people that there are much better options (the luau at PCC is optional). The Breath Of Life was awesome.
Pearl Harbor (see the end of the cruise excursions)

Recommendations/Notes

You probably want a beach other than Waikiki due to the number of people - Hanauma Bay looked awesome. If you do decide to stay in Waikiki, walking the coastline towards Diamond Head is a better choice for the beach instead of around all the hotels. This is because in Hawaii, beach access and water is considered a public service (free)
What is and isn't expensive didn't make any sense. Eggs imported from the mainland were cheaper than eggs from Hawaii despite chickens EVERYWHERE but I was able to get a large jar of peanut butter for $1.89. The best place I found for groceries was Don Quijote and it had a free parking garage.
Souvenirs were much cheaper on other islands
It rains - almost daily - but not for long - don't let it fool you - WEAR sunscreen of at least SP50
Hydrate more than usual - especially if you're drinking beer like me
Updates From original post below
You can get insanely discounted Pearl Harbor tickets from recreation.gov but they sell out in 5 minutes. Exactly 7am Hawaii time they sell tickets for the next day or for 2 months out. Nothing in between. I recommend having 2-3 people trying it simultaneous for different time slots. The early tickets sell faster. Then the bus ride anywhere is $2.50 each. When you board the bus ask for a transfer ticket. The transfer ticket is good for two more rides for the next 2.5 hours. If you get out of PH within the time slot you can ride back for free.
There's a stand near Breakout Waikiki that is a hard sell timeshare sales pitch (couples only). If you're willing to sit through it, they give you $150 towards an excursion or a free meal and a $120 Visa gift card (as of March 2019). If you want the exact location, message me.
You may think being a Costco member will help you out on expenses and you're probably right but know that the busiest Costco in the world is on Oahu and they claim 1 in 4 people have membership so plan accordingly (think shopping for the latest toy on Christmas Eve)

Pride Of America

I have to be honest, this was hands down the most expensive cruise I have taken and it was the worst cruise ship. I had a great time but there was a lot left to be desired.

Entertainment was very underwhelming - I believe unlike other mass-market cruise lines, NCL's entertainers are on multi-month contracts just like other staff. This tends to be bad for entertainers like comedians (how many different sets can they have prepared) but should be better for magicians (you shouldn't have to rely on the suitcase you get through security at the airport). I have seen a Vegas quality magic show on NCL before (Norwegian Spirit last November) but this act was honestly no better than a birthday party. I could go on but I will summarize it as this: On Carnival, I struggle deciding what I am going to do because of so many good things where as on this ship, I struggled to find anything I actually wanted to do.
Beer prices were outrageous and included a mandatory 20% gratuity and since you spend a LOT of time in port, taxes too. In each port, I found a better selection of beer right off the ship for at least 20 - 30% cheaper than on the ship. If you do drink on the ship however, I highly recommend the Gold Rush Saloon as it has a couple of beers on tap you can't get anywhere else. It has a self-serve popcorn machine and is adjacent to the buffet so you can get self-serve ice cream too.
The food was mediocre (main dining quality was about the same as the buffet which was good but not great). I didn't spend the money to try any of the specialty dining.

Update: One thing that really stood out as being a good thing is that the room had 3 US standard outlets!!!
Why Does It Cost So Much

There is no casino to subsidize the fare cost
It is a US Flag cruise ship which means it has to abide by US labor laws (this is an indirect result of the Jones Act as it doesn't travel to any foreign ports)
Hawaii not only has a sales tax but a tourist imposed General Excise Tax which of course NCL passes on to you
Exclusivity - unless you want an extremely sea day intense cruise from California, around Hawaii, to Mexico and then back to California (or similar) cruise - they're the only show in town

Hint: You should get the NCL Mobile App. It includes dinner reservations, account charges, dinner reservations, deck plans, passenger to passenger chat for an additional fee ($10 vs Carnival's $5) and other nifty features.
Observations
I was astounded by the number of first time cruisers I saw (based on their ship card color). Because so many of the employees were American, I was also surprised by how many told me that they were on their first contract and wouldn't be back. The people (both employees and passengers) were incredibly friendly and most everyone seemed to be having a good time. I didn't see long lines at guest services. I mentioned earlier how this was the worst ship I had been on - and, while true, shouldn't give you the impression that I didn't have a great time. For my traveling companions, they had nothing to compare it to and other than the entertainment - they had no complaints at all and loved it.

Day 1 & 2 Maui (overnight)

If you have ever been on a Caribbean cruise and you didn't feel like paying for an expensive excursion you could always just walk off the ship and go to a beach or a shopping district or a friendly bar - something. This is not the case in Maui. Where the Pride Of America docks there is absolutely nothing (it took 10 minutes to walk out of the port with chained link fence on both sides only to end up about another 10 minutes away from a strip mall). I do want to point out that the strip mall did have a few artisans selling things out on the sidewalk but this was far from what you will be used to at other locations.
So what to do instead?

Rent a car if you want to go on your own - day rentals are common and you will be in port overnight. You will have to do your own research as to what to do as I booked excursions for both days
Go up to Haleakala Crater for sunset or sunrise. I went for sunset as sunrise required leaving the ship at 3 AM. I can't stress how amazing this sunset was at nearly 2 miles above sea level. If you go, take plenty of warm (think Maine winter) cold. It was 44 degrees without the windchill when we arrived at around 5 PM (still sunny) and the temperature dropped significantly by the end of the sunset (around 6:40 for us but varies based on time of year).
Road To Hana - I didn't take this excursion but it is extremely popular. Most guests I spoke with said they absolutely loved it though a few called it the road to hell (it's an all day excursion)
Maui Northshore & Waterfall Walk - This is the one I took because it was rated as "easy" and one of my traveling companions has mobility issues. There is an alternative called Waterfall Hike that you may want to consider. This was a great excursion which took you into a historical town for lunch (delicious) and gave you some free time to explore the artisans (glass blowing, jewelry making, etc.) before taking you to the private access Wailele Farm. The waterfalls you can walk to (as opposed to hike to) were not breathtaking but overall the plants and flowers here were amazing. You will get an opportunity to eat many of the things you encounter so if you're feeling adventures, give it a try.
Choose another of NCL's Excursions
Choose something from Viator

Day 3 Hilo Hawaii

This is the first of two days on the island of Hawaii and it is on the eastern (very wet) side of the island. Normally doing two excursions in one day is a not recommended. I would make an exception here because the Botanical Gardens are not to be missed. It is a short excursion (2.5 hours), is relatively inexpensive (you can even do it on your own) and is offered at multiple times allowing you to get another excursion in.
Recommendations

The Botanical Gardens - either through NCL or directly with Hawaii Tropical Botanical Garden - they have social media as well if you have questions. Tip: One of my traveling companions said walk through twice - once looking down and once looking up because there is just so much to see.
Go zip-lining. I happened to choose Zipline Through Paradise as it had a tandem/parallel course (you got to zip at the same time as someone else). You can even hold hands on one line for a very special photo. You may even want to book directly with Kapohokine
Choose one of NCL's excusions
Choose one of Viator's options

Day 4 Kona Hawaii

The other side of the island is a stark contrast to Hilo as it is dry/desert climate. It is the only tender port on the cruise. Unfortunately, we didn't fare very well here on excursions but shopping and beer was good.
It has been on my bucket list to be in a real submarine and go over 100 feet to below the surface to the ocean floor. That's what 3 of us did here in Kona and while I am glad that I can now say I have done it (105'), the experience itself was underwhelming. To not interfere with the wildlife, the sub doesn't use any artificial lights nor does anything to attract the fish to your windows. This means almost everything is a monochrome blue (the color red doesn't exist at this depth for instance). It's also nearly impossible to get nice photos out the windows even though they are clear enough - just not the right conditions. Now, I met a guest back on the ship that said he had a phenomenal time on a sub that wasn't sponsored through NCL but I'm not sure what it was.
The other guest in my party decided to go on the Gold Coast & Cloud Forest excursion and was also not impressed. The gold supposedly comes from the Hawaii state fish (yellow trigger fish also known as humuhumunukunukuāpuaʻa) but apparently they haven't been plentiful enough to turn the coast gold for years. She also said if she was a coffee drinker, she probably would have enjoyed it more (they are famous for their coffee).
Recommendations

If you would like to buy coffee at a discount, a tour guide let me in on a little secret. To be called Kona Coffee it has to indicate what percentage is from Kona (i.e. 100%). Well, geography being what it is, the line between Kona and the region to south is arbitrary (created by humans) so buying coffee labeled just across the boarder (I forget the name of the place - I don't drink coffee) is 25% cheaper
If you want to see the pretty coral and reefs, consider a glass bottom boat ride. The bartender I chatted with told me that she used to work on the sub and a much more beautiful experience was the glass bottom boats.
Normally, the closer to port you are the more expensive things are - like souvenirs. That may in fact be the case in Kona but I found the prices at Whalers General Store to be very competitively priced. Many of the same items I saw at stops before here were at least 20% cheaper.
Have a drink or 6 at Paradise Brewing Company. I was fed up with the prices on the ship so I checked this place out (there was another one further up the street with a fairly large beer menu as well but they weren't very friendly so I moved on. I sat in here for hours (was one of the last tender boats back to the ship). It was extremely friendly - the beer was good, the food was good - I would definitely recommend.
Take an NCL excursion
Take a Viator option

Day 5 & 6 Kauai (Overnight)

Remember how I said you have this ideal image in your head of what Hawaii is and Oahu doesn't meet it. Kauai exceeds it - I fell in love and if I ever go back, I will just fly directly here and stay on this island - it is that good.
I am not going to suggest you do anything other than exactly what I did because I couldn't possibly imagine having a better time.
Recommendations

Day 1 - Best Of Kauai. I have no idea if a similar excursion can be booked elsewhere because it included 5 stops (Waimea canyon, Spouting Horn Park, Keoki's Paradise for lunch, Opaekaa Falls and Wailua River Fern Grotto). If you want to "build your own", just go to Waimea canyon and dine at Keoki's Paradise as they were the highlights of the day. If you are into photography and have gotten tired of lugging all of your lenses around, today is the day to have it all at the ready.
Day 2 - Mokihana Helicopter - There are no words to describe how amazing this was. I did discover that can get it substantially cheaper directly with Blue Hawaiian Helicopter Tours.

Now, there's more to the story than just these two excursions. First, since you're overnight you can stay out as late as you want. I asked our tour guide where an affordable place to get good beer close to the ship was. She recommended The Nawiliwili Tavern (or just the Tavern). It happens to be a 2 minute walk from one of the free shuttle stops and they have great pizza, beer and pool. Secret I learned this is also where a lot of the crew from the ship hang out after they get off at 9PM so if you want to have a real conversation and ask real questions - this is the place to do it. Once the bartender realized I was into craft beer and trying all they had, she told me about a brew pub not too far up the road that I really wanted to try but ran out of time.

Napali Coast (still day 6)

The cruise ship leaves port early (circa 2PM) and instead of heading to Honolulu backtracks around Kauai. There is a portion of the island that's only reachable by air (helicopter) or by sea (cruise ship) and I was fortunate enough to do both. Actually, our pilot said that a few of the beaches can be reached by a hiking 11+ miles but it isn't an easy hike. In any event, this is where the opening scenes of Jurassic Park were filmed if I remember correctly - utterly gorgeous. My pilot also let me in on a little secret - that the captain times the cruise ship to sunset when the coast is all lit up in spectacular colors so be out on deck with camera ready.

Day 7 - Honolulu (Pearl Harbor & City Tour)

I made a big mistake here. I booked a late flight so I could go to Pearl Harbor and then get dropped off at the airport. We had already done the Circle Island Tour and none of the other offerings were of interest. This was a mistake for two reasons.
Reason 1: Exhaustion
After having spent 5ish days in Waikiki and then taking a 7 day cruise, we were wiped out and really didn't have the stamina to really take it all in.
Recommendations

Eat a big breakfast as this tour didn't include food
Bring food for the tour and possibly the airport (see airport notes below)
The cheapest place to get hot dogs at the time was at the Missouri ($6 as of March 2019)
If you are using your phone as a camera, practice taking photos against the bus window as the city tour took you to some neat places but they didn't stop to let you off
The tour includes the Missouri and the Arizona - everything else is additional
At the time of this writing, the Arizona was still under repair so you only took a boat close. You will be watching a very emotionally moving video before the boat ride so sit as close to the exit doors (front left) as you can so that when it's over you can pick one of the corners of the boat to get unobstructed photos from - they don't allow you to stand up and they don't play. Oh, and if you are sensitive to loud noises - when the bomb actually drops on the Arizona it is about 10 times louder than the rest of the film so be prepared
Our guide got tickets for the Arizona at 2:15 PM, helped us navigate the shuttle over to the Missouri and told us he would see us at the bus 3:30 PM. If you're not comfortable navigating on your own then this is probably not the tour for you
It's only 5 minutes from the airport so if you want to stay longer because of a late flight it would be fast/cheap to go on your own - just ask to get your luggage off the bus

Reason 2: Airport
If you have a late flight home, I'm sorry. All of your checked bags have to be screened by agriculture (certain plants are not allowed to leave the state) which is airline specific and unless that airline is running flights all day (looking at you Alaska), then you will have to wait for them to open before you can even check in. While you wait, there is essentially no place to eat (Starbucks and a bar that serves hot dogs for $12.50 - yes, $12.50). I recommend you keep some food with you for this reason. They do offer a baggage hold service but the prices were ridiculous (4 checked bags for 24 hours was $100). Sorry if it seems like I am whining - it was the end of a long trip and I was returning to reality.

Update: Viator

In this post, I have provided a number of links to NCL's excursions, directly to the vendor and also to Viator. Viator is part of Tripadvisor and generally speaking, you can trust the reviews. On most of the bookings, you can cancel for a full refund up to 24 hours in advance. They are competitively priced and you can usually get a discount. For instance, new customers will get offered a 10% discount off their first purchase. Companies like Ebates and TopCashBack will offer an additional 3 to 6% cash back as well. Use a credit card that gives back 2-4% on travel and it can really reduce the price. I haven't had too much trouble figuring out what vendor was being used through Viator so you could just book with them direct too and just use them as a way to find fun things to do and use the reviews to distinguish between what's good and what's not.

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Sloppy: Big Mama Gumball Machine and Captain Jack