Rachel Schneider
ENG 477
Date 1/11/2021
Marsha Blackburn
A Writing Portfolio
I want to write my own fiction stories one day; I have had a book or two swimming around in my head so I will put the computer to good use and get that typed out one of these days. In this instance I chose my 5 stories and even though one is a marketing inquiry I had fun writing it, so here are my things and some background some of them.
Resume: It is a basic one because my photo ones were not particularly good, and this is an honest resume besides the ones I made for class and I did fudge on those.
Cover letter: I made up the cover letter though there is a penguin Books but it is always fun to use your imagination!
Hike with Drew: I got the concept from a Writer’s Digest and entered it into a contes I never got a response but good practice.
Short Story Vegas: Was one I did for another class but in here I changed it and the story was much better the second time.
Marketing Flyer: This was fun to do those are stock photos of the dogs and squeaky toys, but I like Pit Bulls and dog toys are fun as well.
Scott part 1-This is a story I am working on with another writer, warning its very sexy and some naughty words are in there as well.
Writing Samples: I made these three samples up one day because as I have looked for writing work, I have seen people want a sample of your work, so I came up with these.
Rachel
Schneider

3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501 📷
951-743-8911 📷
[email protected] 📷
Rachel Schneider 📷
Rachel7Tori-Twitter 📷
📷

Objective
To get a career going in the fiction/short story writing industry my imagination can run with any scenario and to write is to live.
📷

Education
Bachelor of Arts in English | Grand Canyon University
2017 – 2021
Took 15 different writing courses, creative writing and even two fun marketing classes all to polish up my craft. Carried a 3.0 GPA and did the courses all online as well.
No Degree Obtained | Riverside Community College
June 1994 – December 1996
Took these college courses but did not finish got 32 Units of Child Development Courses though which is what I was going for
📷

Experience
Cafeteria Worker 1
2008 Currently Employed.
Cook, Prep, serve food in a middle school setting, also clean, count inventory and do next day prep, cash handling and POS register experience.
Bell Ringer | Salvation Army
November 2007 – December 2007
Rang bell and collected donations for the salvation Army in front of various stores during the holiday season.
📷

Skills
Food handlers Card
CPR First Aid certified

Grammar Proficiency
Spelling Proficiency
Can work from home
📷

Activities
Have good use of social media and can help update or bring in new followers with my creative writing side. Have a Reddit account as well with 30 stories up on that site. Can speak a little Spanish and Hebrew as well.
951-743-8911
[email protected]
3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501

Rachel Schneider

Writer

Penguin Books

Dear JENNIFER MCGREGOR,

1/21/2021
Jennifer McGregor
Fiction Publisher
4587 Tropicana Rd.
Las Vegas NV 89102

I have included my resume for the short story writer for young adult novels. It has been a few years, but I currently work in a middle school, so I do see all the angst and sass that goes with being a young teen. I do hope my writing samples can help me move to the top of the list. I look forward to working with Penguin Books and letting kids know being a teen is hard at first, but it does not last forever.
Sincerely,
Rachel Schneider
Rachel Schneider
3867 Houghton Ave
Riverside CA 92501
It had been a long cold winter Drew and I could not get out for a morning hike till today. Being 75 degrees, we did not have to wear many layers. He is an extremely sweet inquisitive boy who always asks a lot of questions. Why does moss grow on the north side of trees” he asks? Its times like this when it would be nice to have my husband here, but he is overseas where the work is. “well, it’s not just the north side it’s on the shadier side because that is where the moisture is.”
On we went looking at snails on the ground watching the deer pass by along a ridge. Being quiet as to not startle them. “Mom he whispered it’s a bunny den they are coming out for food, he leaves a few carrot and lettuce scraps from last night’s dinner. I walked down the path and spotted some glorious Blue Jays and a Downey Woodpecker. “Listen Drew the woodpecker is getting the bugs out of the trees.” My sweet Drew was staring at the Bunnies, they are cute and fluffy after all. We followed our path down further after the bunnies went back to the den.
The skies were getting cloudy, so I hoped the rain was not going to come back. Though the weather report said there was a chance. My little explorer with his school uniform on was undeterred, I wish I could wear shorts on a 75 day and not be cold, it is always nice to be young. Walking along our path we spot some squirrels running in circles around the tree. “Why do the chase each other like that” Drew asks. “Maybe it’s a game for them like ring around the Rosie.”
On we trek to our favorite stream where the deer family are taking their drinks. I tell Drew we cannot skip stones right now we do not want to scare them. We look through the grass for more of his favorite bugs, saw some worms just below the dirt by a tree. Looking up we see a big spider web being made between two branches. The crows were making their calls in the distance. We are finally able to skip our stones in the stream. He gets some great skips going, and we collect some new rocks for our little garden back home.
Walking past the stream we climb up the embankment and up along the ridge where we see a Fox off in the distance. He or she walks the opposite direction we are going so it is a relief we can continue to the clearing. Where there are more bugs, rocks, and Bunnies. We pass the Deer family as they run up the hill to were, they mostly frolic or maybe they live up there. We stop for a snack of Apples, Almonds, and some cheese sticks. When we were finished Drew put a couple of slices in his pocket to feed the Bunnies, I am sure.
“Mommy we’re getting to the clearing now we can see the Bunnies and the last time Daddy, and I were here I got some neat rocks too.” Drew told ne enthusiastically, I did love his passion for nature, though again my husband is much better at the nature stuff. I am a pastry Chef ask me about desserts and I am your woman, about why moss grows on trees and hello Google. Since Dad is unavailable, I step in and let him explore and see the world outside of the house and off the screen.
It is just another half mile and it is on to the clearing. He starts to pull me hand a little harder I know he is excited. We pass under the tree I glance up and see the Fox again. Then we stop and see “Daddy home……
Name: Rachel Schneider
Course: ENG 361
Date: 4/14/2020
Instructor: Debbie Graves
One Week In Las Vegas
The countdown started Friday at 2pm I got the week off from this thing I call a job (just over broke). The car was packed, it was time to hit the road. The traffic was average and climbing the Cajon Pass was not that bad. I stopped in Baker to have my favorite meal at Bob’s Big Boy, the chili spaghetti, no onions. After making my way back on the highway the traffic picked up going out of Baker, through to Primm and Stateline. I had to stop for gas at Whiskey Pete’s, so I also went in and got some snack goodies. My favorite trail mix and some cheese potato chips because vending machines are too expensive. The road was beckoning so off I went, traveling through Jean is always nice, not much to see. A prison, a few remaining casinos, some outbuildings, and a truck stop. There slogan was always fun 40 smiles closer than Vegas. You can get bored so be sure to pack some music you can have your own car concert. “I’ll face it with a grin I’m never giving in, on with the show” (Show Must Go on by Queen)
Finally, the Vegas skyline is in sight, the lights are not on yet, but they will be needing to navigate around the strip. I do say a few words the terrible drivers. This vacation was so needed my job is crazy, my kids are older now and do not need mom around anymore. Off they went to grandma’s house and I booked the week at the Delano, it is attached to the Mandalay bay so perfect access to all the fun of the strip, and just enough luxury to not look cheap. Getting the valet to take the car I check into my genuinely nice room I have a great view of the Luxor light (that comes off the top of the hotel) and the Excalibur. Now off to indulge in that genuinely nice bathtub and get some overdue reading done. My bathroom with a view has the Luxor light and that is the brightest light on the Vegas strip it comes right out of the top of the Pyramid shaped hotel. A brightness of 42.3 billion candela, you could read a paper from 10 miles straight up if you wanted to.
Once I was well soaked and finished with my chapters it was time to find something to eat besides my snack foods. After cruising the room service options, I settled on some Mexican food of chorizo and eggs with nice corn tortillas. That hit the spot so with the extra energy it was time to get out for a stroll of the property. The indoor pool is nice but small and I want to soak up the sunshine and get some exercise so I shall hit the outdoor pool tomorrow. Back in the lobby I grab those ads for things to do in the city so I can plan out the rest of my trip. There are thousands of things to do in Vegas. Do not be disappointed if you do not get everything done, that is what the next trip is for. I have a beautiful week and I want to have a good time and not have to wait for anybody, I can do what I want. I got those and cruised up through the lobby and toward the casino on my way there I saw a sign for a food and wine festival. With that guy Zac from the travel channel. Thinking hmm I did not know he was interested in food or wine. I went down and found my favorite penny slot game Lucky cat. After 15 minutes I came out putting 20 in and winning 500, so I called it a night and went to the bar to catch a hockey game and grab a fun fruity drink (I like tequila sunrise, (Tequila, grenadine, and cranberry juice). As I am rooting for the Golden Knights (local Vegas hockey team) I looked over to my left and there was Zac from the travel channel, and he likes hockey too this is awesome, and I am trying not to be a fan girl.
The game was in intermission and the Knights were winning so it was time for a new fruity drink so this time I turned around to get back to the bar and bumped right into Zac, boy was my face red. After some apologies and an offer to buy my next fruity drink (a Strawberry Daiquiri) it was a yes and I spilled that I was a fan. He told me he does have an interest in food and wine not just chasing ghosts with his crew. We had some great conversation and when the game came back on, we both sat in the booth cheering the golden knights to their victory. Now I am buzzed and standing up was going to be fun, but Zac was a true gentleman and helped me to my feet. He offered to buy me dinner. The Taco Hut was a good place the tortillas were fresh, and the company was so cool. The conversation turned to food, wine, travel, and some stuff about me. The midnight hour rolled around, and Zac had an early morning, so we said goodnight, but he was staying one floor above me, so we agreed to go to the diner in the lobby for breakfast or brunch. At 10am I was enjoying my company and this great stick to your ribs breakfast (scrambled eggs, sausage, hash browns and some great watermelon) The food offerings in Vegas are so varied you can get everything from a hot dog and beer for 1.99 at the Orleans, to a 5-star meal at Caesar’s Palace the buffets are great too. Although sometimes you want a nice sit-down dinner.
The conversation was effortless the attraction was deep. We made plans to see each other again after the food contest he was judging was over. Saying goodbye was a bit hard but the hand holding was sweet and made me feel like a schoolgirl again. After saying goodbye and I did watch him walk into the convention hall I went back to my room to plan out the rest of my day. I chose a tour of the Mob Museum, they say that Vegas was built with Mob money, but it was a Mormon founded town that later Hollywood discovered. Then many people in Hollywood who were well connected (such as East Coast mobsters) financed Bugsy Segal to build the Flamingo Hotel. As I was putting my shoes on, I got a knock on the room door and as I opened it, I got some flowers (pink roses) and an all-access pass to the food and wine festival courtesy of Zac. Let us just say the Mob Museum can wait for later I got to go to a food and wine festival and spend the rest of the week with Zac. “hi Zac thanks for the flowers it was sweet of you to remember.” He said, “It’s always right to remember a ladies flower preference because that’s the right thing to do.” Smiling the rest of the day I meet other travel channel celebrities and got to taste some great foods and many different wines. The food and wine offerings at the hotels and restaurants are varied, the Las Vegas area have become very international, so the varieties are endless.
The week went by in a blur of food, wine, conversation, and some sweet dates. I never thought I would get over the break-up that happened the week before. Getting a private Vegas tour was something completely special. I did get to see the Mob Museum, Mandalay Bay Fine Art Museum, seven magic mountains, Pinball Hall of fame and a private dinner at the food and wine festival. My days in Vegas were down to one. We had reservations at Rivera right here at the Delano the view is amazing, the food is impressive with Italian and French offers. “I have had a wonderful time this week Zac thank you for mending my broken heart.” He looked at me for a minute and said, “it’s been a pleasure to get to know you and I would not mind visiting your hometown, you always have a reason to come back to Las Vegas. The next food and wine festival is around Christmas, this one will include chocolate.” Hitting the 15 early the next morning I have visions of Christmas, a pass to the food and wine festival, also a brand-new relationship to take back home with me.
The End
When writing a short story, you want to keep it from rambling and have enough details to keep it fresh. When your reader gets into the story you want them to feel like they are there with you, going to the food and wine festival, on that hike through the seven-mountains or touring the mob museum. The details are the thing to see and make sure to watch out for punctuation and common language. An average short story is within 6,00 words or 24 pages. If you wanted too you could go short-short story and that is between 500 and 2,00 words. That comes out to be 6 pages (Minot, Steven Ch. 7 pg. 41), talk about short stories. The story is all your length and style matter as much as how you want it to come into focus.
Minot, Steven and Theil Daniel Three genres the writing of literary pose, poems and plays Ninth edition Pearson Publications 2012
Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium
August 18,2019📷📷
24755 Holly Grove Way
Brookings OR, 97415
Dear Dogs, Rule the World
I am Rachel Schneider from the Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium we make extra bouncy dog toys for our furry friends. We investigated different marketing companies and choose you to do our direct to customer marketing. The way the website is set up the customers can get the product’s directly from you is easier than a multi-level marketing plan. The distribution of Bouncy Dog Toy will be a one level channel, we will provide the toys you market, and we sell them. I would like to get some videos of our company dogs Mac and Stella playing with the toys so you can post on the website. A link for the company can also be included so the consumers know where the toys came from, what they are made of and any other facts about Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium.
Sincerely, Rachel V Schneider
Mac and Stella company dogs and testers 📷
📷 📷📷 📷A sample of our products, our bounciest toys.
Scott’s Story Part 1
I am Scott Thorn, and I am going back to WDU for the first time in 15 years, I went here for a year but after I came out as gay there really were no gay dudes. I am all men but yeah lesbians were all around some BI guys but no real gay dudes. I went back to the mainland and attended Preston University I majored in administration and minored in Literature. I did at one point in my life have a girlfriend and wanted to marry her, but I could not quash the gay lifestyle. That part of my life is over and now the old school offered me a counseling job, have not done this in a while. I get to help students toward there after college career.
I sit here on this boat and keeping an eye on my 75 Triumph I have some nerves, but it is mostly about seeing this place again, so as the boat pulls up, I get my bike going and make a stop at my new on campus apartment. Its west facing because I like sunsets more than sunrise, so I did not know it needed so much work. I have some handy skills but a little at a time. The kitchen is decent and so is the bathroom. The floors will need some polish and the deck needs to be stained, this is a duplex, so I hope the neighbors are quiet. It is furnished and done nicely so I cannot complain too much, but back on the bike to see the Dean.
I get my bike set with the kill switch and walk up the way to the Admin building, I am pretty much the only one dressed. I am wearing my good black jeans and my dress shirt, in my favorite color Maroon. I do remember this place was obsessed with sex so I will stick out wearing clothes, as I enter the building at least more admin people are dressed. Miss Grant the secretary shows me to my new office, its spacious much bigger that my last one at Preston where I shared a cubicle with another person. I have files from past students and current ones, so I started filing them when Dean Kane walks in, booty shorts and a tank top. “Welcome back to WDU Scott, we look forward to seeing you succeed you come very recommended.” I could hardly concentrate because this Dean was hung but I persevered and said, “Thank you sir I look forward to helping young students find there after WDU careers.”
After he left, I had to get my rise to settle then I continued filing and looking through some files. Clarissa Love that was a name that got around even all the way to Preston. I think she does the Jax in the bedroom or something like that. I started looking around and thought I need some life in this office so I asked Miss Grant about decorating and she said I could do what I wanted but no painting, so I went to town and checked out a flea market. I found some pictures of the beaches of Canada, some old homes in the area and a few movie posters from Rocky horror Picture Show (it is my favorite). The flea market said they will deliver to the school tomorrow so I told them I will be there at 9am.
Now with my day done I get to the store to buy some groceries and realize this place uses sextons and I was down to my last few, so now I will need to exchange but thankfully a bank is nearby so I can get some of my mainland money exchanged. I pull up to my new pad off load my few groceries and notice some other tenant left beer in the fridge, talk about luck. I got the beer went to the deck and watched the sunset over the sky. It was going to be new here, but I needed a fresh start after getting dumped and losing the job because my ex was in upper management, never will I do that again. I will find someone who does not work in the school system. After I ate a roast beef and cheddar sandwich for dinner, watched some cooking shows it was time for bed. As I was brushing my teeth, I heard the neighbors having sex. Oh, goody they are not quiet. hope they do not have super energy either. Tomorrow is my first full day and I have decorating to do, fantastic they stopped, that is the thing with us older people we do not fuck like bunnies anymore. As far as I know the neighbors are lesbians so who knows.
Sample 1- If I try my hardest, I could muster up enough courage to ask the prettiest girl in school to prom. I had a suit; bolo tie and I will shine my old boots up. The thing is my courage is not as strong as my best friend Nick, now there is one brave dude who just asked the girl I wanted to go to prom with and of course she said yes. I gather myself close my locker and put on my best smile for them both. Nick and I high five and I hug her, trying to be genuine but it is hard. I head to my Social studies class and sit down next to Megan she looks at me with some concern I tell her what happened, she then asks me to Prom…...
Sample 2-Wishing I did not have to be here I sit at the back of the funeral and think about my old high school principal. I grew up in a small town and everyone knew everyone, we only had one school and you went there for kindergarten through senior year. After my graduation I packed up my old car and headed out to what I thought was the real world. Living in a bigger city only helped spur my loneliness so who says you cannot come home again, well Mom for starters because I abandoned my family, I am not welcome at home ever again (so tired of her drama), so I am staying at Principal Mason’s house yes, the same principal that I am at a funeral for I held her hand as she lay there succumbing to cancer……
Sample 3-If you really want to get over a breakup getting back on the horse will help things along. I thought that too seven lousy dates ago so here I am on date number 8 and I am not seeing any birds singing or rainbows in the sky. He steps away to take a call he is a particularly important lawyer after all (I need to fix my picker) after he comes back, he says it go time the jury has come back so off he goes. I finish my drink and head back to my brownstone close by, I pass the new chocolate shop that just opened, and I get inside and see chocolate heaven. Looking around I do not see him at first but there he is my old college lab partner Sam I just saw a rainbow…….

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure OC Tournament #5: Round 1 Match 12 Alexis and Cybil Vs Admiral Pineapples and Rudolph

“届けて, 切なさには名前をつけようか ‘Snow halation!’”
The harpoon lodged itself into the Ocean Soul’s chest following a powerful toss from Pork Soda, the beast desperately trying to hit the tether to destroy it and release the harpoon, to no avail. The Ocean Soul had underestimated its opponents, who were currently singing some sort of song, perhaps a sort of war cry, meant to display their superior strength.
“想いが重なるまで待てずに, 悔しいけど好きって純情”
It had to do something! It released the Calamus Root in store within its mouth, ready to spit it out, before Sayonara Kodoku picked the Ocean Soul up, shut its mouth tight, and tossed it over to Pork Soda. With a thrust of its fingers, the porcine stand pierced the Ocean Soul’s eyes, blinding it.
Then, the two stands rushed at it, sending forwards a barrage of blows, breaking bones, claws, and disorientating it, before getting ready for a finisher. Pork Soda picked the Ocean Soul up by its tail and began spinning around, the rapid movement disorientating the fish and sending it closer and closer to its doom.
No, no! It couldn’t let this be! The Ocean Soul was a hunter, and even if its prey had gotten a leg up on it this time, it wasn’t going to give up! It could barely remain conscious under the pressure as the porcine stand spun it around, its already severe wounds getting exacerbated, but it had to do something!
Just one shot! Just one precise shot and it could use the opportunity to escape, to recover! The porcine stand was spinning it around by its tail, so the Ocean Soul could calculate the stand’s position! It just needed to regain its bearings, focus on getting a shot aimed, and it could use its spit to-
SLAM!
With a brutal impact, the Ocean Soul was slammed into a nearby rock. It felt itself sinking in the water as the two stands approached it, its imminent doom coming closer and closer with every movement they made.
It needed to escape, but it couldn’t bring itself to move. The two stands made their way towards it, floating above the ground as they loomed over the barely conscious beast.
Was this going to be it for the Ocean Soul?
“微熱の中ためらってもダメだね, 飛び込む勇気に賛成まもなく start!”
Like hell it was.
Gathering the little remaining energy it had, the Ocean Soul spat out the Calamus Root stored within its mouth, mixed with its saliva. Hitting the ground underneath the two stands, two long spikes quickly sprouted out of it and towards their bodies.
Though Sayonara Kodoku’s tough skin didn’t get pierced, the force of the growing spike sent it flying into the air, incapacitating it, if only for a moment. Meanwhile, Pork Soda wasn’t as lucky as it, the spike piercing through the left side of its body, tearing through its left leg and shoulder. The Ocean Soul couldn’t hear anything from underwater, but it was sure that its user was reeling in pain right about now.
Using the remainder of its energy, the Ocean Soul bolted away, desperately trying to remain conscious as it swam away from what it once considered its prey. It didn’t even look backwards, fearing that doing so would give its opponents the time they needed to finish it off for good. It didn’t even keep track of how far it swam, or for how long its opponents had chased it, or if they had done so at all. Its body was searing in pain, broken bones and wounds all over it.
Eventually, it couldn’t bring itself to swim any further, losing consciousness and sinking down into the ocean, not even the searing pain keeping it awake as it began to rest.
The Ocean Soul had lost, but this wasn’t the end of the beast. Though barely, it had managed to escape this encounter with its life.
The results are in for Match 10. The winner is…
‘Agnes’ Bayley and Prince Cosmo, with a score of 80 to the Ocean Soul’s 60!

Category	Winner	Point Totals	Comments
Popularity	Players	25-5	The word of the voterbase was clear: the vast majority felt that the Ocean Soul was handily defeated by the players.
Quality	Players	23-22	Reasoning
JoJolity	Ocean Soul	22-23	Reasoning
Conduct	Tie	10-10

“AAAAGH! GODDAMIT, STUPID FUCKING FISH!!” Agnes screamed in pain while clutching his leg, body strewn onto the nearest island, carried by Sayonara Kodoku. “IT STABBED THROUGH MY GODDAMN LEG!! FROM THE FOOT, TO MY WAIST, TO MY FUCKING SHOULDER! AAARGH, DAMMIT, WHERE’S JENNY WHEN YOU NEED HER!!”
“You should be happy we got away with our lives. The Ocean Soul isn’t going to come finish us off any time soon after what we did to it.”
“OH, REAL RICH COMING FROM THE ONE WHO DIDN’T GET STABBED IN THE FUCKING LEG BY THAT MONSTER. DO YOU WANT ME TO STAB YOU AS WELL SO YOU CAN SEE HOW IT FEELS?!” Agnes started rummaging around his surroundings with his right hand, searching for a sharp object to use for his “demonstration”.
“Frankly, you deserve it. Don’t forget that you are the cause for this all. Were it not for your foolishness, Webb would still be alive, and this would not have happened to you.” Cosmo chided.
“PFFF- WHATEVER!” In between his heavy breathing and pained cries, Agnes let out an audible sigh. “Fffffuck this, I’m gonna check my phone to see if there’s any connection here so that we can get the hell out of this place ASAP!” Agnes picked up his phone and pulled it up, taking a look at it.
“That will not be necessary. There is no connection here anyways, and I am certain that a helicopter has been sent out to retrieve us, or at the very least ascertain what might have happened to-” “Shut up, I’m getting a message from Cairo. ‘Don’t worry, Agnes, we have sent your location over to Vitus, and help should arrive in about fifteen minutes.’” Agnes looked at his phone in confusion. “Vitus? Who’s that asshole?”
“Vitus is the man who sent the helicopters out. The one which you indirectly crashed. Nonetheless, let me see that - I have a hard time believing that your phone is capable of picking up a signal when we’re so far away from any cellular towers.”
“And why should I care about what you believe, huh? Here, take a look for yourself!” Agnes shoved the phone in front of Cosmo's face, the dog looking intently at it and seeing… nothing beyond a simple homescreen. “What is this supposed to be. This is your phone’s home screen, and though that horrendous chimera at its center is an affront to anything and everything I believe in, there is no notification here. Could it be that you are perhaps hallucinating from the pain?”
“Wh- you can’t see it?! Don’t fuck with me!” Looking at the dog’s deadpan expression, Agnes could tell that that wasn’t the case. He looked over at the phone, spotting it right there, as clear as day - a notification for an sms from Cairo themselves, containing what he read out loud! “Fuck you, I’m not hallucinating! If anything, you are!”
Cosmo was about to retort, when he spotted something over the distance - a sailboat. It was old and decrepit, seemingly having gone through significant damage and yet still remaining intact, somehow. It clearly didn’t belong to Vitus, and likely wasn’t Cairo’s either. On the boat, he saw a silhouette of a haggard man, but the distance meant that he couldn’t exactly tell exactly what he looked like.
“Someone is coming.”
It wouldn’t be much longer before Agnes and Cosmo were able to get back onland, learn what terrible things they’d missed, even if they still had a wait and a talk ahead of them. Left to nurse grievous wounds, this seaborne menace has seen this chapter of aggression momentarily closed, but further inland, the waters of a laundromat are being braved by a time traveler and a woman in chains.
Scenario:
Sound’s Garden Eastern Strip - A Golden Limousine
The evening was beginning to set in, the lights of the islands of the area beginning to flash on and dot the sky as two women rode through the city, looking out through the windows as they relaxed in luxury. Cybil Antoine was one to travel in style, and now, with a companion in tow, was no exception.
“A strip that absolutely comes alive at night… Makes me feel almost nostalgic for Vegas,” her redheaded travel companion mused as she looked out, “speakin’ of which… you ever play anything like that, Cyby? Cards, slots, so on. We could try Heartache Casino, maybe, if we have time sometime… I bet you’d just have to throw your name around to get up on its higher floors.”
“It’s Cybil,” the wealthy woman emphasized, with an exhaustion begotten by this having been far from the first time, “or Miss Antoine… Either way, I am not a ‘Cyby.’ Get it right next time, alright?”
“Right, yeah, I know you’ve told me… I’m just a nicknamer by heart. Cross my heart, though! It won’t happen again!” Alexis Williams seemed… As serious as she could get about something like that, as curiously carefree, even devil-may-care, as the performer could get.
“Commit it to memory, then. Despite how much a fool you can act, I’m sure you know how much I had to pull to get you onto this stage.”
“Believe me, I do appreciate it!” Alexis answered, focus now turned away from the topic of gambling and onto that. “Putting on a show at one of the biggest stages in Los Fortuna, bigger than anything I’ve done before… I know our group has had some bad luck lately, with Bucket causing that trouble down at the fish market, and how down on herself Leo has been since that dumb show she said she got roped into, but we’re still the freakin’ Judecca Highrollers, right? I want to show the world that, and from their box, I want to show the rest of our team that we’ve got no better option than to face it all with a grin.”
“How very like you,” Cybil answered, neutral in her tone, careful not to betray the affection in such a statement as she pondered their current status, where they would be playing.
Alexis wouldn’t be headlining, unfortunately, though admittedly, her act wasn’t the sort of thing that did that anyway. Rather, a certain piece of immensely beloved local talent, a rocking performer who went by TD/MD, would be having her play immediately before her at the Alexander Dickinson Amphitheater, just a drive over a rapidly approaching bridge away. Cybil had been a little annoyed that one of her statues had been overshadowed by a plane crashing near it, not to mention had a desire to spread further the local influence of their team, and so she had arranged with the heads of the entertainment industry of Los Fortuna to see to it that her personal favorite performer among the allies and associates she’d made was onstage at the best possible place for a person wanting to be noticed.
She curled her lips at a cell phone which found its way to its hand, then, narrowing her eyes at its screen. “No word back from your backing band… Where are they? How inconsiderate not to send word on this, especially at how that Mr. Sins recommended them so glowingly.”
“I’m sure they’ll show,” Alexis answered, “and if not… We can make do, can’t we?”
“Of course,” Cybil answered, only to have her eye finally drawn back out the window by the sight of a vehicle which had pulled into the lane directly next to theirs as their limousine crossed the bridge.
Another golden limousine was directly next to them now, this one almost pointedly bigger, longer, more decked out in jewelry, and it seemed to be headed exactly the same way. Cybil, rather than confused or alarmed at the coincidence, simply thought aloud, “that would probably be Mr. Sins… Speak of the devil.”
“Amazing how quickly his casino recovered from nearly burning down…” Alexis mused aloud. “I heard that one of the people who trashed it sent him to the hospital, too.”
“An overreaction I’m certain, from what I know about the man. Absolutely terrified of a little pain, a little elbow grease… I’m not one to gossip, but I can’t help but wonder how a man like him even managed to become so prominent, so consistently successful.”
“Right,” Alexis answered, smirking and putting her finger up to her lips, “I won’t spread that around, then. I know how to schmooze with that type if the need arises.”
Los Fortuna Canals - The SS Sledge Sister
Admiral Pineapples was more comfortable on his own boat, but as far as the fleet of the Masters of Funky Action went, there was no real reason to send out more than one boat for this right now.
“Man, I can’t believe nobody else is ridin’ with me,” his companion, Rudolf Pavlova, said after downing an entire bottle of water in a single gulp, on the tail end of an hourlong keytar solo. “The rest of the Masters better at least make it to the Alexander! It’d really bum me out harder than when Wrenn shot me down if none a’them made it!”
Sorry, but I’m really more the headlining type! Playing second-fiddle to a man in a speedo opening for some local star sounds fun and all, but, I’d totally just overshadow them, I bet! So I should really probably stay out of it! That sentence, clear in its passive-aggressive scathingness, had put Wrenn Aflight’s declining of this gig pretty succinctly. As the man more or less everybody on the team could tolerate, listen to, and generally have a good time with, Admiral had been tasked with asking the other star performer of the team to join Rudolf on the gig he’d accepted opening up for locally beloved rock star and all-around idol TD/MD.
Not wanting to break Rudolf’s heart, he more or less told him the short version, ‘he couldn’t make it,’ and then volunteered his own services for the younger man. “You won’t be out there with none of your allies, though, Nureyev! For I, Admiral Pineapples, will aid you in coordinating every moment of your work! This will be one of the worthiest usages of my tactical mind in a long time, I’m sure!”
“I hope you’ve gotten those hour-long solos out of your system now, Nureyev,” Pineapples warned with an amused, lax tone, “you’re only going to have thirty minutes onstage before the headliner has to get ready, and there’ll be trouble if you bleed into that.”
“I know, I know,” Rudolf answered, casually, as he slipped into an open-chested bathrobe mainly meant to function as the legal requirement of public decency until it was time to perform, “I’m not one to step on anyone’s toes, let alone the star of the show. Live and let live, yeah?”
“I’m curious, though, and you never told me…” The Admiral asked, cracking open a beverage of his own and taking a sip, “how did you manage to get such a part as this in the first place?”
“Oh, that’s simple!” Rudolf said, the thought to answer having simply not occurred to him.
A few weeks ago - A beach in the Waterfront District.
“Alright! Thank you, Los Fortuna! I’m here all day, and all night, and all tomorrow too, baby! Party never stops!” Rudolf had just finished the latest of his performances to a small crowd of beachgoers, shredding through the end of his one-man keytar rendition of 2112 and transitioning into a truly epic medley of the extended Family Guy, American Dad, and Cleveland Show OPs.
As the crowd dispersed, a corporate suit-looking type of guy, bronze-skinned with neatly-groomed hair, remained, eyeing his keytar curiously and smiling artificially. “That was an excellent show, Mr… Pavlova, I think it was? You have such an undeniable energy about you that I can see when I lay eyes upon you… You’ve star material.”
“Am I being poached?” Rudolf asked, tilting his head, “‘cuz I assure you, I am a free agent! Not about to be scooped up by some label and forced to chill out the party churnin’ out music I don’t feel in my soul.”
“Nothing so abrupt, no… I’m a Manager, representing TD/MD. You can call me Thutmose. Anyway, she has a concert approaching rapidly, and we’re struggling and scrambling to find local, new talent and performers to open for her. We’ve managed to secure a lot of artists already, but the most important spot… Playing right before her… That, still, we have a particular need for, and I think you would serve it perfectly.”
“So I accepted!” In the present day, Rudolf finished, “why not, yeah? I can spread the party to tens of thousands at one of the biggest venues in town!”
“Scouted on the street, hm… That’s awfully lucky.” Something about this struck Admiral as odd, but he supposed it was all the more reason it was good he was backing his friend and ally up. He had a strong hunch there was more to it than appeared.
Rudolf’s party yacht would disembark soon, ported on the central-most island of the places which made up Sound’s Garden, and the party would make their way forward from there.
Sound’s Garden West Side - Outside the Alexander Dickinson Amphitheater
At the same time, a self-important first step was taken out of a pair of golden limousines, one a heel clacking first out of it and a short, stocky woman in pinstripe emerging, the other dress shoes leading up to a tall, lean man in a gold and yellow tux, grinning and running a hand through his slicked-back hair.
Cybil Antoine hadn’t had the “pleasure” of a personal conversation with Tigran Sins before, but had happened to overhear some of him during her meeting with that Thutmose man, and then and there, she had known everything about him, and knew that she had already had the displeasure of knowing dozens of men like him.
Still, though, one needed to be cordial in times like this, so as Alexis came out behind her, and a very strongly built-looking, mean-looking man with brown hair and a nice vest, attached to the lapel of which was a Heartache Casino brooch (a bouncer? A bodyguard?) stood by Tigran waiting to see what he wanted or what he did, she approached the man who dared to try and be more golden than her Stand. “Mr. Sins, I believe… I believe we’ve crossed paths, briefly, but we didn’t really have a chance to speak.”
The man tensed a bit, only to relax slightly again when he saw that Cybil intended only to speak. “Cybil Antoine, right? I’ve heard you’ve been making a hell of a lot of waves around town lately, so I must say I’m excited to meet you too.” He looked back past her, towards Alexis standing and stretching outside of her team’s limo. “Would that be your star you’ve got going on? Certainly she’s got charm.”
“Hi, right in front of you,” Alexis answered, teasingly passive-aggressively waving, “yeah, I’m going up before TD/MD.”
“She’s a very important star around here, you know… So you’d better put on a show that leaves them wanting for more of the best.” Tigran’s attendant spoke, then, sounding dead serious as he looked them over. “A lot of people have come here just for this, just for her sake… It is completely imperative you keep that in mind.”
Tigran simply nodded, concurring, “couldn’t have said it better myself, Fox.”
Shortly after that, the pairs went their separate ways, shifting through VIP areas of the area of the main structure of the amphitheater, series of comfortably shielded stadium halls that it was.
“Still no sign of the band… Still no word from them either. I’m cross now.”
Alexis, then, stopped in her trail, looking at a schedule which had been printed out and emblazoned upon a green room wall. “Uh, Cybil, you’re gonna wanna take a look at this.”
“Hm?” Cybil raised an eyebrow, turning to face what her partner was pointing at, and then glared again. “Who the hell is Nureyev, and why are they listed at the same time as you?”
“There’s gotta be some kinda mixup or somethin’, man… I know about this ‘Alexis Williams’ it talks about, and hear she’s a Vegas Performer, damn fine one at that who can really strut her stuff. But we ain’t in Vegas at all, so what gives?” Rudolf himself was gesturing at a printout version of much the same piece of programming, he and Admiral Pineapples having wandered much the same series of halls.
“Hrm…” Admiral, now, took a look at the sheet himself, combing over the names before Rudolf on the list and speaking names aloud. “‘Arancini,’ ‘Tenacious-er E,’ ‘Guy and the Fieris’ Heavy Metal Barbershop Quarter,’ all as scheduled… What the hell? Yeah. We’re the only acts double-booked like this, and you say you don’t know this woman personally?”
“Not in the slightest,” Rudolf said, “never laid personal eyes upon her! So maybe there’s a typo, yeah… I know! We could track down Thutmose! But, uh… Where the hell’s Thutmose right now?”
A distorted voice shout-whispered, “I heard that he was visiting TD/MD’s green room.”
“Huh? Oh, thanks!” Rudolf accepted that advice uncritically, beginning to make his way, but Pineapples looked, at least, in the direction it came from, seeing then flashes of a short-looking person in a maroon turban, face bandaged but mouth section bulging with something hidden underneath, and a pair of aviator goggles, as well as a tunic, trousers, and many bulky scarves adorned in the forms of climbing stick figures.
Looking at the man, Pineapples couldn’t help but feel suspicious, but hell, there was a lot shady going on here. “Yes, thank you, Mister… Who am I thanking?”
“No,” the figure answered dismissively, “think little of it… I’m just another interested party watching the show. If there’s confusion, then, I want to see it resolved fast! If you’ll excuse me, though, I need to make my way to my box…”
“Strange man…” Pineapples shook his head, not wanting to leave Rudolf alone to deal with this strange situation. He knew from hearsay and rumor that there were some truly dangerous things lurking in the bowels of Sound’s Garden, and Rudolf, more heart than head, was bound to be barreling into it.
Sound’s Garden - The largest and nicest green room in the halls of the Alexander Dickinson Amphitheater.
Metra Doria sat before a makeup chair as assistants fussed and fussed with her hair, her face, her clothes, occasionally being met with polite thanks, compliments, or idle chit-chat, representing a sort of familiarity the team had had with the pale, short-dark-haired girl with a single blue streak through her front left locks. She stared at her own dressed-up eyes in the mirror, one silver, one blue and at once black-striped through the iris. As she sat here, initially clad pretty casually and low-key, she was Metra, but as the outfit she had selected was put together, she would become TD/MD.
She was being cordial before now, but all of the small talk had ended as soon as her manager came into the scene, knocking, being invited to come in, and then doing so.
“How’s the show going, Thutmose? I wish I could see Guy and the Fieris do their thing, but… Makeup, I swear.”
“There’s… People insisting upon speaking, Metra. They’re performers, the ones before you, and they seem annoyed. I tried to shoo them away and tell them to work it out, but that only incensed the old-timers with them, and now they want to speak to you. I tried telling them it was a waste of your time, but-”
“This close to going on?” Metra narrowed her eyes at the reflected form of her manager. Always, it was one thing after another with this guy. Though most of the time, one might assume there was something not worth it going on here, she knew Thutmose well enough to know there might be problems. She sighed, shutting her eyes now. “It had better be important… Let ‘em in.”
And like that, a quartet of two twenty-somethings, a middle-aged woman, and an old man barreled in through the door at once, all talking over one another and expressing confusion with the other’s very existence and presence. It was making the half-prepared girl more uncomfortable than sitting in a chair for awhile just to get ready for a show often did, so she raised her voice, calmly but authoritatively, literally seeming to drown out their babbling in the process. “Quiet down, alright?! One at a time.”
There was a little more whispering among the four, then, and it was the pinstripe-suited woman who stepped forward among them to speak the crowd’s mind. “TD/MD, I presume… This ‘Thutmose’ man, he has made a grave mistake in the scheduling. My associate Alexis here, and this half-nude man carrying a keytar around, they have not met before today, and they certainly did not intend to collaborate before you. Your manager has refused to listen to reason about this, so we are taking the matter straight past him to you… Resolve it at once, and we can be on our way.”
“What?” Metra, facing them all, blinked, shaking her head and glaring at Thutmose. “Again? How does this keep happening? You overbook acts right before me, and it’s such a disaster I’ve started to need to allot extra time to cleanup guys after those sets… It was bad enough before, but it’s seriously getting out of hand, man. I can’t keep dealing with you if you treat everyone else you deal with like this. You’re done working with me. We’re through.”
“B-but… But Metra..!” Thutmose was flabbergasted, looking almost terrified at the prospect. “Please, be reasonable..! I need this job, understand? I’ve got gambling debts, and-”
“Whoa whoa whoa,” the keytarist (Rudolf, or Nureyev, according to the program) interjected then, “let’s not ruin a man’s life over me and Lexy here, yeah? I looked into the history of this place, the Alexander Dickinson… Named after a big dead deal Philanthropist, so basically a dude from the 90's who gave his all to culture in this city, funded all kinds’a stuff! Would a man like that want a man to be fired in his own memorial stadium?”
The logic seemed to confuse nearly everyone there, not least of all Metra, whose response, after a moment, was, “Huh? You… Are you saying it doesn’t bother you?”
“He’s saying that!” Thutmose pleaded. “I am certain he’s saying that!”
“I don’t mind, either…” The redheaded Alexis said next, nodding and looking around at nothing in particular. “Yeah, I think we can work with that… The band he set us up with bailed on us anyway, right? So… Music might help, and it’s not like the things we do step on each other’s toes, yeah? So whatever, I’m sure we’ll still leave a bigger impression.”
Cybil, then, pursed her lips. “If it doesn’t make a difference to you, then, and we’re all on the same page… But still, this is so very inconvenient.”
“Agreed…” Pineapples looked to Thutmose. “Be more responsible in the future, aye? I think even if you keep your job right now, you’re gonna be on thin ice for now. And give up on gambling, if it’s sunken you this far.”
Metra nodded. “Agreed. I can’t guarantee I won’t start looking for a new manager, but… You’ve been good to me, at least. Clean up your act.” Then, she looked over the quartet. “I’m seriously sorry about this… You say you had backup, but they’re not showing up now? I, uh… I don’t know what happened to whoever those were, or why they fell through, but I have something I can do to help both of your shows exist at once: six of the best stagehands I've got.”
At that, the star snapped her fingers, and from the shadowy corners of the room emerged two trios, three men in a pose one well-versed on incidents in the early 20th century Roman Colosseum might compare to Awakening One’s Masters appearing before the Masters of Funky Action, three women in turn also sliding in before the Judecca Highrollers in perfect sync, stepping in with the coordination one might associate with, as a weird example, teenage mobsters jazzed about a dude being sent to the ninth circle of hell.
All six were muscular, clad in black sleeveless shirts, leather gloves, pants, boots, and bandannas over their heads, and all around, they gave off auras of immense reliability.
“Harry, Mark, and John, and Thorn, Dusk, and Luna… I kid you not, these guys can basically do anything and everything you ask of them. If they didn’t much prefer supporting other people to being in the limelight themselves, they would be as big as I am. Treat them well, they’ll learn fast, and they’ll be invaluable to making your bits work. But, uh… I’d hurry it up. Guy and the Fieris probably only have a couple more encores in them, and then you’ll have fifteen to set up. I wish you all luck..!”
Metra Doria had been a bit of a miracle for the grateful performers and put-off older supporters, who had in turn both begun to explain their intended strategies and how those might change to their crew members, who understood alarmingly fast.
“Man…” Rudolf whistled in relief, chuckling. “What a scare that was… But you, Lexy? You’re alright, actually.”
“Thanks,” Alexis answered in turn, still trying to figure this guy out, “you don’t seem bad yourself… I almost kinda feel bad that we’re gonna totally eclipse you out there.”
“Y’think so, huh?” Rudolf answered with a grin, pointing forward with a friendly competitiveness. “Well, the party don’t get drowned out by a damn thing! I’m gonna get all these good people pumped as hell, and they’ll be cheerin’ for me even when that Metra chick goes on!”
“Ooh, I’m starting to feel a bit competitive…” Alexis answered, good-naturedly chuckling and folding her arms. “Wanna see who gets the crowd more pumped? Loser, uh… Buys the winner overpriced concert t-shirts. These things need stakes, right? Heh…”
At the somewhat tongue-in-cheek suggestion, Rudolf nodded. “Sure, yeah! That, and the pride of bein’ one of the best in the city! May the best team win!”
OPEN THE GAME!
Location: The Alexander Dickinson Amphitheater, one of the biggest outdoor venues in the entirety of the Metropolitan area, in the buildup to TD/MD’s headlining act, wherein both of your teams have had a performer set to open for her. The place is packed at a capacity of tens of thousands of people.
The stage is a competently designed semicircle which is roughly 30 meters across for length and maximum width, with plenty of room all over and the various necessary fixtures upheld off the ground. It is raised up about 2 meters off the ground. Its back half is partially covered by the overhanging roof of the backstage area a dozen meters above.
The backstage area spreads out about 10 meters from both sides and the back of the stage, being somewhat indoorsy and absolutely full of things one could expect an excellent stage production to have, including, of course, sturdy rafters which lead up to the ceiling area overtop the stage. Both sides have had time to arrange for some extra things to be brought in.
Goal: With a leadup of fifteen minutes before acts, and a half an hour where both of your performers are onstage at once, you have a show to put on, and that is not getting ruined by this overbooking. So, with Rudolf and Alexis up on stage, and Pineapples and Cybil each operating their abilities and managing a three-person stage crew, outperform your opponents!
Given the vastly different skill-sets of the competitors, the goal is to execute on your vision better than your opponent executes on theirs. You will be judged and voted on the following criteria, in decreasing priority:

Feasibility - Whether your performance is actually within the bounds of what your Stand and Stats would imply.
Skill Use - A close second in relevance; how well you integrate your User Skills and Stats into your performance. While your Skills will help in completing this objective, they do not provide an automatic advantage by merely existing and must be woven into your strats, as per usual. Even the best of artists can have abysmal live performances.
Stand Use - Similar to the above, and similarly important. How cool, creative, and well-integrated is your Stand use. Put another way, wow the judges, voters, and viewers at home! This is more or less just the same as before.
Environment Use - How well you use and integrate the auditorium - its features, its backstage, its stage, and the hearts and passions of its occupants - into your performance.
Efficiency - How much quality footage you obtain and how well you use your time. This does not mean that setup for more complex performances is automatically penalized, but do try to minimize ‘deadtime’ and maximize the amount you perform.

Additional Information: There is a huge simp for TD/MD in the audience of the match, and he is connected enough that he will have both of you successfully and canonically killed if you ruin the show before the headliner can go on; therefore, murdering your opponents or audience members (“the ol’ Abraham Lincoln Tech” as they say in the biz) on an audience member is a loss condition. Not at all a moral thing for the record.
Stage Crew members for the respective teams (Harry, Mark, and John on the MFAs, Thorn, Dusk, and Luna on the Highrollers, if you care about their names) have 4s in strength, agility, endurance, Stagehand, and Backup; pretty much, anything their associated team asks them to do, they’ll be able to do, at minimum, competently. Though they won’t, like, murder for you. Generally you can use them for moving props on/off stage, extra bodies or on-stage back up performers, speaker and soundboard control, and/or on-stage camera crew as well as managing any other stage controls. Pretty much everything save for pyronetics and lighting is in their purview.
There are also dedicated lighting guys, totally neutral in your squabbles, who are going to do an entirely too good job adjusting their focus and making things work exactly as is needed so attention is on the stars of the show. They will also be coordinated with a third party camera crew that will be streaming the live feed onto screens for the audience. These feeds can be replaced or split screened with your own crew’s footage, but otherwise they will generally be in control of what is shown on-screen.
Players can be assumed to already have well-rehearsed their plans of action, the in-universe basis for the modified plans of the match, and have knowledge about every aspect of the stage, even if parts of their initial plan obviously need to be modified to account for new challengers also occupying stage space. If something performance related isn’t insanely, “years of training to do competently required” level hard, but would still require some practice ahead of time, they have had it to, at absolute max, somewhere between a 2 and a 3. Players, don’t overly-game this, though; the ‘stars’ of your performances should be the sheeted unique abilities of you, your skills, and your Stands.
All stands can be seen on camera and on the live feed for the audience's viewing pleasure.

Team	Combatant	JoJolity
Judecca Highrollers	Alexis Williams	“This one is for the guy who keeps yelling from the Balcony, and it’s called ‘We Hate You, Please Die.’” Gymnastics is a sport of rhythm and pace, this performance should be no different for keeping your momentum. Make as seamless transitions as you can between the acts of your performance!
Judecca Highrollers	Cybil Antoine	“Prepare to have your minds obliterated by… The boys! And Crash!” You have a whole crew of people working for you here, no need to do any heavy lifting by yourself. This is their job after all, better put them to work since that’s what they are here for. Make the most use out of your stage hands in your performance!
Masters of Funky Action	Rudolf "Nureyev" Pavlova	“What is with this band? They’ve… changed. Have you noticed they don’t have instruments? Where’s all this amazing noise coming from?” Keeping the audience’s attention for a full 30 minutes should be a piece of cake for the world’s greatest dancer, you can keep the party rocking even between your different acts. Make as seamless transitions as you can between the acts of your performance!
Masters of Funky Action	Admiral Pineapples	“You and your fireballs and your demon hipster chicks / you’re talking the talk and it’s pretty slick / You think you’re so great, but you’re missing the point / You gotta have friendship and courage and whatever!” You’re all in this show together, you and your crew of stage hand. Everybody should be contributing here, no man left behind. Make the most use out of your stage hands in your performance!

Link to the Official Player Spreadsheet
Link to Match Schedule
As always, if you would like to interact with the tournament community and be among the first to get updates for the tournament, please feel free to PM a member of our Judge staff for an invite to our Official Discord Server!

Summer 2019 funny dialogues compilation (Part 1)

Hi all :) In these posts I’ll be sharing some of the fun bits of dialogues from the Swimsuit Swordsmasters summer event. They are mostly short and fun exchanges between the characters that you can enjoy reading along with the summaries of the chapters that you can find down here.
Here are the summaries of the Las Vegas summer event from last year, done by various good souls. With the exception of the translations by pplovesk and shinyklefkey , most of these were summarized by Itqan Madani on their Facebook. They used to be posted on reddit by kakarot12310 but since the posts have been removed for some reason I'll link directly to Itqan Madani instead.
Main chapter summary part 1
Main chapter summary part 2
Main chapter summary part 3
Main chapter summary part 4
Main chapter summary part 5
Main chapter summary part 6
Main chapter summary part 7
Main chapter summary part 8
Main chapter summary part 9, and part 10. Alternative summary with additional tidbits by pplovesk.
Main chapter summary part 11 alternative summary with additional translation of the final boss’ dialogues and fun tidbits by pplovesk.
Extra: Drive in Las Vegas
Extra: Fun Jet Tennen Rishin-ryū
Extra: Losers’ Lullaby
Extra: Gambling Saint
Extra: Playing With The Weather (featuring QSH and Iskandar) by shinyklefkey.
The new Chaldea Director's first swimsuit event:
Goldolf: “I heard you need permission for leyshift so I came to see. What exactly is this? Swimsuit? Swordsmasters? Don’t do pranks more than twice a month. Or has the Japanese heat wave got to you that badly? Ah well, I do understand the wish for a summer vacation. A commander’s job is to ensure the subordinates’ welfare. No benefits, no labor, right? However, however, you see...”
“AREN’T WE! IN AN EMERGENCY! SITUATION! RIGHT NOW!? Hasn’t the surface been wiped blank! Where are you gonna find a beach, let alone walking around in swimsuits?! Do you understand!? We ain’t gonna have a summer of our dream where we mess around in some five star resort, are we!”
Gudao: “Got it.”
Gol: “LIKE HELL YOU DID. YOU GOT NOTHING! Can’t have Swimsuit Swordsmasters if you don’t leyshift to America, how the hell am I supposed to swallow that ludicrousness!? I’m not swallowing that! You’re lucky I haven’t questioned your sanity!”
Vinci: “Now now commander, calm down. There there~”
Gol: “Telling me to calm down is one thing but stop patting my belly already...”
Vinci: “C’mon, haven’t things been like that always? As long as there is a wish to a Holy Grail-equivalent of magical resource, a singularity can emerge. It juuuust happens to be Swimsuit Swordsmasters in America this time. What’s so strange about that?
Gol: “...
... hey, am I that guy? Am I the crazy one here?”
Holmes: “Ha. Ha. Ha. Well then Commander, you will grant permission, won’t you?”
Gol: “Why can you smile with such a straight face... SCARY! YOUR SMILE IS SCARING ME!”
Upon arriving at Las Vegas:
Siegfried: “This city is false. Everything here is formed from the battle of the Swordsmasters. This city is not unlike a battlefield itself. I feel the call of battle rousing my blood. It’s not within myself, but this Heroic Outfit is speaking to me”
Hoku: “(this guy is so cool! I wanna imitate him...) y-yeah, I also feel excited. It’s not me. It’s the swords speaking to me.”
Sieg: “I see, you too are burdened by the whispers of the swords. Must be painful.”
Hoku: “(No good, too cool! I might be taken away if I let my guard down! No, I can’t let this get to me yet! I still need to become the best swimsuit swordsmaster! I’ll defeat anyone, ancestors, please watch over me!)”
Mashu: “why is she all silent now...”
Sieg: “she’s facing her destiny. Let us treat her gently.”
Mashu: “r-right.” Gudao: “destiny...”
Sieg: “that’s right, destiny.” Hoku: (tremble furiously!)
Sieg: I understand. Her trembling stance is what the orientals call the battle trance! Hoku: (this man, how much more is he going to make me shaken!?)
Hoku: Hehe. (playing cool) Sieg: What a fearless smile. As expected, donning four swords is naught a matter to you.
Hoku: (blush more furiously!) Sieg: Oh, she’s in a battle trance again...
“The sunlight, the tan, the wet skin, the cute little boys! Summer is the best!!!”
(Musashi, being an open onee-san, 2019)
Apparently Musashi has been trekking on foot half a day from Grand Canyon to Las Vegas. “No udon, no burger, just walk and walk and walk...” And then she is ashamed to show up in front of us (because event spoiler blah blah blah) so...
“H A I, K O N I C H I W A, tourists-S A N! I’m just a regular American Heroic Spirit D E S U!”
Sieg: “you’re American...?” Musashi?: “Y E ~ S U! Check out this W E S T E R N bikini, perfect as a cowboy gunman right? K A T A N A & P I S T O L double wielding! O H Y E A A A!”
Guda:
Option 1: nope nope nope nope nope nope
Option 2: nope nope nope nope nope nope
And this little gem:
Gudao: A bunny suit? / Umm, aren’t you supposed to be a Swimsuit Swordsmaster too?
Bunny king: I am Swimsuit Lion King. The great owner of the Casino Camelot. There is no mistake. Why because, my suit... is water resistant.

HIMEJI SURVIVAL CASINO

Anne and Mary scene where Kotaro is able to record their battle tactics (that you definitely want to read):
Gang member: wheeze… wheeze… wheeze Finally caught you now. Damn cheeky girl, took me ages to track you down! (perverted laughs) But it was worth it hehehee…
Anne: Kyaa~ Don’t~ (monotone) What kinds of depravity would you subject me to?
Gang member: What do you mean, what kinds… Hiihiihii, don’t play dumb!
Samurai: (menacing giggles) Kukuku… It goes without saying… (WHIPS OUT KIARA P0RN!) We’ll have you read out loud this phantasmal book “Compilation of the Eiten School’s Dharma of Sensations!”
Anne: (dumbfounded)
Samurai: Of course, you have to read this in a tsundere-like voice that hides the inner ZUKKON LOVE of an osananajimi love interest, understand!
Anne: (What the heck is ZUKKON) (TL: “zukkon” means “madly in love”)
Anon Warrior: Ah, then I would like to request an onee-san voice pleeze. Lemme explain, you see, I recently became a working adult, and everyday feels like a constant grind full of social responsibilities… So-how-about-a-scenario-where-I’m-a-high-schooler-who-lives-alone-for-some-reason,-then-this-onee-san-would-cling-to-me-and-rant-with-beer-in-her-hand:-“Working-life-sucks~-But-how-can-a-kid-like-you-understand~”-But-when-I-protest:-“Don’t-treat-me-like-a-child!”-she-would-go-ara-ara-fufufu~-then-turn-towards-me-with-a-charming-smile-no-bratty-high-school-chick-could-pull-off-and-whisper-playfully-into-my-ear:-“Want-me-to-treat-you-like-an-adult-then? ♡”-pretty-please!
Gang member: You turn into a real motormouth as soon as people ask you about your delusions…
Samurai: My bad. Pretend you didn’t hear anything just now.
Mary: (dash into the scene!) Seriously! You got me lost in that lengthy rambling too!
Mob enemies: Wut!? (promptly get ambushed)
Anne: Umm lemme see lemme see… “Indeed. Let us head to the temple.”
Mary: Please don’t read that book for the love of God.
Gang member: W-Wait… Why do you guys have more members…?
Mary: I act as Anne’s equipment. So we’re two people, but still one Servant. Yaaaay. (cute grin)
Gang member & Samurai: T-That’s cheating… (drop dead)
Anon Warrior: …for the new lady who just appeared… a scenario where an osananajimi that I treated like an imouto who used to hang out with me plea… (dead)
Mary: You wouldn’t stop until you die!? (blush) And about that request, why does it have to be an imouto… I’ll do just fine as an onee-san too!
Anon Warrior: (crawl up from his grave with a shit-eating grin)
Mary: One express ticket to hell for you! (kick him away)
After Kotoro’s recording stops, Gudao has an option to respond: “Nevermind their tactics, can I know who that cultured Anon Warrior is?”
Later, to trick Anne and Mary using their own tactic, Gudao also disguises himself as equipment to act as baits for the 2 thirsty pirate onee-san.
Mashu: Are you going to be okay, Master…
Gudao: Please pick up my bones after they finish me.
mUSAshi: You’ll be fiiiiine. Neither meat nor bones will go anywhere!
Execution stage:
Mary: …h-huh? Master! What are you doing here?
Gudao: I’m lost…
Mary: Geez, you’re hopeless. Wait, if you’re here then you’re also a player right? …huh, equipment? I see, just like me… (blush) Yeah that makes sense. If I fit, then Master should also fit… But… playing the role of equipment… alone all by yourself…
Mary: Hmmm~ (scoot closer) Hmmm, mmm hmmm~ (scoot much closer)
Anne: (barge in) Hey, I found you!
Mary: (startle!) Yikes, Anne!
Anne: Hmph! It’s unfair to steal a move on Master in secret.
Mary: I’m not doing anything like that. To begin with, aren’t you supposed to be our lookout?
Anne: Teehee~ :D I heard Master was in the bamboos, so I just acted on my own without thinking.
Mary: Aww, what am I going to do with you :D Welp, all the more fun with just the 3 of us here!
Anne: I know right ♪
Anne: (thirsty mode ON) Let’s. Get. It. On. Then ♡ Master, you’re supposed to be equipment, right? In other words, it’s natural to treat you like our belongings, right? Ah. Non non. Of course we won’t go rough on you. We’ll juuuuust gently…
Mary: (invade personal space) Hug you…
Anne: (invade personal space) And press our cheeks on yours…
Mary: (dominate personal space) And do things we normally can’t do with you…
Anne: (dominate personal space) Do them lots and lots and lots ♡
Mary: Now, keep your eyes closed okay, Master? ♡
Gudao: Guys… look…
The girls: ?
Gudao: Sorry.
And then of course you gotta beat them up cuz god forbid we ever get laid.
MechaEli: (landing down) I have confirmed the tournament announcement. So Mary and Anne have been defeated, right?
Gudao: Since when can you fly!?
MechaEli: Since forever. This skill was installed as soon as I was manufactured. This is better than summoning the sea with some Noble Phantasm right?
(Getting flashback of dolphin railgun: Jeanne: “Yaaay~ I’m gonna filled the world with dolphins! :D” Reese: “DO PHI PHI PHI PHI PHI PHIN!” – translation: incredibly foul-mouthed dolphinspeak that mustn’t be transcribed)
Gudao: ...Yeah, you got a point.

PHARAOH CASINO

(For this part I just wanna comment that Schez takes up the role of the security chief of Pharaoh Casino to help Nito who is currently being possessed by Medjed-sama. Brown girl finally grew a spine for her friend 😭)
Gucchan just came out of a date with Xiang from the casino when Carmilla suddenly asks her to join Gudao’s band of phantom theives, so she just beats you up. But then we win instead so she’s like “fine fine what the hell do you want to talk me into”.
Carmi: “I know from my research, you lost a big sum in the casino just now right? The lover date just barely healed the salt. Don’t you want to get back at them? This heist will benefit you, because you see, what we’re after is the arrogance of a concept like casino itself.”
Gu: “...yeah, now that you mention it, what rubbish. Casino or whatever, rubbish. Why would I have to humiliate myself in puny humans’ rules for play pretend? Getting them back for making fun of me in front of Xiang-sama... very well, such detour may be fun” (cute fang grin)
Gudao: (Oops, paisen / She’s surprisingly...)
Hoku: Hey hey, wassup with this girl, she’s surprisingly easy to fool!
Mashu: No Hoku-san blurting that out is no good! Be flexible, Gu-san! Flexible!
Well, their plan to infiltrate the Casino is actually making Gu explode into a bloody mess to scare Schez off.
Planning stage:
Gu: “So what’s the big plan? As long as it’s not on the level of “No choice but to self-destruct right here!” that some purple-headed strategist’s been doing lately, I’m fine with anything.”
Carmi: “...”
Gu: “Say something! You’re pissing me off!”
Execution stage:
Gu: “excuse me, I feel ill...”
Schez: “oh no, this is not good ma’am! We must give you medical assist right away or else you might die...”
Gu: “...now that I look at it, this place is filled with nothing but white and slippery-looking guys (Medjeds). Wouldn’t it be more fitting to have strong intimidating guys around? This is too all-age for what I’m about to do.
Schez: ??
Gu: “I feel ill, ah really ill... Wait this is exactly what that strategist likes to do isn’t it! Hey what the hell I’m pissed!”
Carmi: (psst! Stick to the plan!)
Gu: “OH YEAH YEAH FINE I’M THE KIND OF WOMAN ONLY GOOD FOR THIS SORT OF THINGS RIGHT HUH?! EXPLODE RIGHT, I JUST GOTTA EXPLODE IS THAT IT?! Fine, here we go. [ETERNAL LAMENT!]”
(Splat! Blood rains everywhere)
Schez: I-I’m going to dieeeeee! Wait she dieeeeeessss??!
And then later when they bait Cleo out she’s all like what the hell is with all the ruckus and why the hell are the patrons screaming “meat...! meat...!”

SUITENGU CASINO

Assassin Creed: Lip edition #1:
Carmi: “QP farming is for plebs. I’m staying in the hotel for beauty treatment. Rather, why would you ask a phantom thief to do anything but to steal. I have no business with Sutengui. “There are no hidden treasures in Sutengui. Only the sound of cheering and empty holograms...” That’s what my Mistress Sensor has whispered to- (rocket punched, dead)
Lip: “Failed to detect a surprise attack from behind... is your sensor only good for detecting jewelry? Were you really an Assassin? That’s what you get for wearing a swimsuit not your age... I mean for turning into a Rider.”
Assassin Creed: Lip edition #2: Okkie: “GO GO GO! You’re dumb for running alone! No mercy for you, assault from 3 sides! Yep yep, survival games are the best! Sorry Maa-chan, I gotta stretch my limbs sometimes! To begin with, isn’t Sutengui like, that evil casino run by Lambda? There is definitely an evil aura well hidden there... even Hime can see darkness there... Kurohi (black Kiyohime? Third ascension?) said “it’s kinda scary” too... Ah well, today Carmi and Nero let me loose so I’m just gonna de-stress in the woods~! Ora ora, your back is wide open! You’re 10 years too early to join the battlefield beibii!”
Lip: “Same goes to you tho. Must be because your belly fat causes you to get slow.”
Okkie: “Whaa!? Whatcha mean, I took boxing class and went on a diet properly to prepare for summer you kno- (rocket punched, dead)
Lip: “You talk too much. If you’re aiming, keep your breath down and be quite. Were you really an Assassin? I don’t think you can join the cool Archer club with that much meat on your belly...”
Assassin Creed: Lip edition #3:
Fuuma: ... Lip:... Fuuma: ... Lip:... Fuuma: ... Lip:...
Fuuma: ...excuse me. You’ve been following me for quite some time, anything you wanna say?
Lip: ... sigh. Assassin class is truly cunning. Noticing me tailing like that... I just wanted to put you down gently... (not sure if rocket punches are considered gentle 🤨) that would have been a hat-trick... could you please read the mood here...”
Fuuma: (...but man, that’s really some dress she’s wearing... I can’t look straight... sasuga Vegas... no calm down Koutaro, calm as still water... at times like this, lord Kintoki would keep his cool and look straight without fail...!) (pretty Kinbro would just go beet red too tho)
Fuuma: Sorry but I’m in a hurry so I can’t dawdle here. Maybe if there are taxis around...
Lip: Oh that won’t be necessary. I have class advantage against Assassin after all ★
Fuuma: A giant...!? (about to say “fist” but he ded)
After capturing our Servants, Lip leaves us a threat letter: “I have to wonder how you’d challenge Sutengui with such lame Servants. The “distiny” of annoying flies are to be squashed flat. I’ll be using the three I captured at the beachside.
PS: Splitting watermelons is fun.”
Then you find out she actually buries those three in the sand to play watermelon splitting with their heads…
Lip: At the moment due to some circumstances Melt has turned into a Lancer, so I would prefer that only Saber people would beat her to a pulp.
Fuuma: Umm, aren’t you guys sisters?
Carmi: What are you on about. This is what siblings are like.
Fuuma: :C (Aren’t family members supposed to get along!?)
Hoku: Saber class is fine right? Then no need to worry, I’ll take her on! Leave this to us. There is no need for you to concern yourself anymore.
Lip: No role for me to play anymore? Isn’t this kind of situation where you recruit me into your party! Right, Gudao?
Gudao: If we leave her alone, it might be dangerous... / Lip is definitely our trump card.
Lip: Rogue! Passionlip will do her best! Given enough time, I can turn anything into a cube. If push comes to shove, the whole casino can just go poof!
Okkie: Yep, she’s a monster. On our side or not the level of danger is the same, Maa-chan T__T
Announcer: Welcome to Sutengui. We’ll now perform belonging inspection. Please spare the time to cooperate with us.
Gudao: it’s dark... / security is strict...
Mashu: yeah... if we don’t hold hands in this darkness we might get separated...
Sieg: (boing~) Where are you Hokusai? Are you there? (boing~) What is this smooth and elastic material that the more you hold it the more your hand digs in... (boing~) the texture is so soft, if I have to say... don’t tell me this is... (boing~) the breast muscles...?
Hoku: Dummy, that’s Octodad, stop grabbing his head! You can stop holding onto my belt now!
After getting out of the dark security check, Siegfried has squid ink on his face...
Melt’s casino is pretty hardcore. It converts your EXP into slot tokens without asking and if you lose you’re basically EXP food for Melt. Looks like the day before Gudao gang gets to Sutengui, Blackbeard and Columbus gambled their EXP away and died.
Bart: Each coin here is worth 1 million QP. Instead of fraud, they just play big. Returns are big too. If you get a triple the slot machine will eject 10 coins, a jackpot 1000. Do you know what this means?
Hoky: Each coin a million... then 1000 would be like, 10 billion QP!?
Sieg: No, on the other hand... we could lose 1 million QP in exactly 3 seconds!?
Gudao: This woman makes 1 million QP a second...! / This man loses 1 million QP a second...!
Koutaro being too much of an good guy:
Fuuma: That Alterego (Protea) must originally be a kind hearted girl, she’s just been deceived by that evil factory manager. If we defeat that rider, there shouldn’t be a need to fight her anymore!
Columbus: ?? ???
After we kick Columbus’ ass:
Protea: uu~ mister factory manager was too noisy, that woke me up...~ but he already kicked the bucket...? He didn’t even seem like he put up a fight... but I’m glad everybody else is okay! ... so let’s p l a y a w h o l e l o t, o k a y? Even if I make a little mess, Melt will fix it for me!
Fuuma: Huh!? Shouldn’t she be a good girl at heart??
Gudao: To begin with why would you even have that kinda idea / (oh, right, he didn’t know she went nuts on the skate ring earlier)
Melt’s plan getting sabotaged and her losing her cool is funny xD
Melt: The day has finally come... In just an hour everything will be mine. Though some little things remain, everything must come to an end. A star is destined to retired as a star. A bird never fouls its nest before abandoning it. For a swan like me, this is the perfect way to end things.
...
Hehe, hahahahahahaha! Ah geez, this is awesome! Nothing beats how happy I’m feeling right now! The biggest nuisance BB is gone, no other annoying boss characters left either! Yay!
And then...
Announcer: Fire broke out at the factory. The manager has run away. Protea, scouted to be the giant kaiju has been put down. Cannot compress EXP points to Melt-sama. Recommend starting all over.
Melt: Hey Siri, come again? My brain couldn’t compute that just now.
Announce: Repeat. You lost everything. Please redo the whole thing.
Melt: .......that so. Well, what happened happened. No I’m cool, I’m perfectly cool. This is Gudao’s masterplan isn’t it. I expected no less. (menacing lip licking) But I still have my turn you know? Right now I’ll go upstage and drain each and every member of the audience. Should be enough of a level-up to beat you pests into a pulp, right?
Announcer: I think you should say “Hey Siri, tell me the bad news” now.
Melt: ...Hey Siri, tell me the bad news.
Announcer: For some reason all the audience is gone. Currently, all Melt-sama has in your possession is a flat (read: pettanko) zero.
Melt: Hey Siri, eat shit and die!
Turns out the Gudao group shout to the audience that not only should they should leave because of danger, since Melt is unable to perform, they will instead host an equally beautiful “golden songs from Her Majesty Nero, or rather 10 songs, no make it a 3-day 3-night all-you-can-listen-until-you-faint show!”
Nero: wow! To be able to convince the audience to leave so quickly, the MC must have conveyed my direction really well!
Fuuma: (looks to me they’re running away in fear, but I should probably avoid pointing that out...)
Part 2 will prolly cover Jeanne's dolphin railgun and Okita's ridiculous backstory :D

Part 2 here.

Safehouse Customization ideas

Here are the achievements that unlock stuff.

Name	Action	Unlocks	Job or Heist
$1.8M Speedrun	In the Mallcrasher job, loot $1,800,000 in loose cash within 50 seconds of starting the heist on the OVERKILL difficulty	"Scope Mount" and "PBS Suppressor" for the AK weapon family, "Alfred" mask, "Dawn" material and "Dinosaur Skull" pattern.	Mall Crasher
1... 2... 3... JUMP!	In the Birth of Sky job, have the entire crew jump out of the airplane within 1 minute and 23 seconds on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	“Maui” mask, “Wade” material and “Ornamental Crown” pattern.	Birth of Sky
12 Angry Minutes	In the Big Bank job, complete the heist in under 12 minutes on the Hard difficulty or above	Wooden Foregrip for the Falcon rifle.	The Big Bank
A Taste of Their Own Medicine	Kill 25 Snipers using only the Rattlesnake sniper rifle	Tactical Aluminium Body for the Rattlesnake sniper rifle.
Arachne’s Curse	Perform 100 headshot kills using any sniper rifle	“Tarantula” mask, “Insectoid” material and “Spider Eyes” pattern.
Army of One	Equip the GL40 grenade launcher, the Locomotive 12G shotgun and the Improved Combined Tactical Vest	CQB Foregrip and Plastic Stock for the Gecko 7.62 rifle.
Artillery Barrage	Kill 25 enemies at 40 meters or more using only the GL40 grenade launcher	Wooden Stock for the Gecko 7.62 rifle, Pirate Barrel for the GL40 grenade launcher, “Bone” material and “Muerte” pattern.
BAAaa...BANG...aaAAH	In the Goat Simulator heist, throw a goat in the air, kill one enemy and catch the goat before it lands	"Wet Goat" mask, "Hay" material and "Goat Face" pattern.	Goat Simulator
Backing Bobblehead Bob	Bring Bobblehead Bob to the vault	“The 18th” mask, the "Gemstone" material, the "God of War" pattern and the Wooden Stock for the Falcon rifle.	The Big Bank
Bang for the Buck	Kill 10 Bulldozers using any shotgun and 000 buckshot ammo	Long Barrel for the Street Sweeper shotgun, "Steven" mask, "Sparks" material and "Chief" pattern.
Beaver Team	In the Bomb: Forest heist, cut down all trees within 5 seconds	"Butcher From Hell" mask, "Meat" material and "Pleter" pattern.	Bomb: Forest
Big Bada Boom	Kill at least four enemies with one GL40 grenade launcher shot	Sawed-off Stock for the GL40 grenade launcher and the “Crow Goblin” mask.
Black Knight	Kill a black Bulldozer with the Great Sword melee weapon	"Mason Vanguard Veteran" mask, "Forged" material and "Checkered Out" pattern.
Blind Eye in the Sky	Complete the Golden Grin Casino heist in stealth	"Wheeler Dealer" mask, "Stars" material and "Chips" pattern.	Golden Grin Casino
Breaking Dead	In the Bomb: Dockyard heist, find the meth lab	"Extended Mag" for the LEO pistol.	Bomb: Dockyard
Bullet Hell	Kill 10 enemies within 10 seconds using the Buzzsaw 42 light machine gun	Old Blood and Guts mask, Light Barrel for the Buzzsaw 42 light machine gun, "Patriot" material and "Captain War" pattern.
Bunnyhopping	Jump 100 times within 30 seconds	"No Me Gusta" mask.
Cancelling Santa's Christmas	Complete the White Xmas job on the Very Hard difficulty or above	"Krampus" mask.	White Xmas
Cat Burglar	In the Diamond job, complete the heist without triggering the alarm	Unlocks "The Cursed One" mask, "Sand" material and "Hieroglyphs" pattern.	The Diamond
City of Sin and Well-Oiled Gears	Complete the Golden Grin Casino heist without having the Big Fucking Drill ever break in loud	"Murmillo Galea Helmet" mask, "Casino" material and "Royale" pattern.	Golden Grin Casino
Claustrophobia	Complete the White Xmas job on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	"Mechanical Santa" mask.	White Xmas
Clay Pigeon Shooting	Kill 10 snipers using any shotgun and flechette ammo	Long Barrel for the Raven shotgun, "Clint" mask, "Leaf" material and "Monkey Skull" pattern.
Clean House	In the Beneath the Mountain job, secure all of the loot from the vaults and mountain-top in the escape helicopter	“Tawhiri” mask, “Flow” material and “Sun Avatar” pattern.	Beneath the Mountain
Crazy Ivan	Complete the Boiling Point job having everyone only using melee weapons without electricity or poison to kill enemies on the Very Hard difficulty or above	"Safety First" mask, "Planet" material and "Phoenix" pattern.	Boiling Point
Crouched and Hidden, Flying Dagger	Kill 8 guards with the Throwing Knife while crouching on the Murky Station job	The heist must be finished for any kills to count. "Hotelier" mask, "Club Lights" material and "Piety" pattern.	Murky Station
Culture Vultures	In the Diamond job, secure 10 bags of additional loot	"Medusa" mask, "Rusting Metal" material and "Runes" pattern.	The Diamond
Cutting the Red Wire	Disarm the C4 on the Counterfeit job on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	"Dragon Head" mask, "Days" material and "Kurbits" pattern.	Counterfeit
Death From Below	Kill 25 enemies as they rappel using the Nagant sniper rifle	Constable mask, the Silenced Barrel and the Long Barrel for the Nagant sniper rifle, “Gunsmoke” material and “Dazzle” pattern.
Diamonds in the Rough	In the Diamond job, complete the heist, diamond puzzle and steal the Diamond after the alarm has been triggered on OVERKILL difficulty or above	"Anubis" mask, "Mummy Bandages" material and "Hawk Helm" pattern.	The Diamond
Didn’t See That Coming Did You?	Kill 10 enemies using any sniper rifle while zip lining	Theia Magnified Scope for all sniper rifles.
Disco Inferno	Have 10 enemies burning simultaneously	"Graug" mask, "Coal" material and "Fireborn" pattern.
Do You Like Hurting Other People?	In the Hotline Miami job, kill 30 thugs with the Baseball Bat	Dennis mask, Solid Stock for the Uzi submachine gun, Wooden Grip for the Cobra submachine gun, "Rubber" material and "Hip to Be Polygon" pattern.	Hotline Miami
Dodge This	Perform 10 headshot kills on Cloakers using only the Thanatos .50 cal sniper rifle	Suppressed Barrel for the Thanatos .50 cal sniper rifle.
Don't Bring the Heat	In the Big Bank job, complete the heist without triggering the alarm	CQB Stock for the Falcon rifle.	The Big Bank
Done in 60 Seconds	In the Bomb: Dockyard heist, open the dock gate in 60 seconds using the keycards	"Custom Slide" for the LEO pistol.	Bomb: Dockyard
Double Kill	Kill 2 enemies with one bullet 25 times using only the Rattlesnake sniper rifle	Sniper Suppressor for the Rattlesnake sniper rifle.
Dr. Evil	Print and secure $1,000,000 worth of counterfeit money in the Helicopter on the Counterfeit job	"Viking" mask, "Houndstooth" material and "Fenris" pattern.	Counterfeit
Entrapment	In the Big Bank job, complete the heist with 12 bags in the default escape with all the lasers active	CQB Foregrip for the Falcon rifle.	The Big Bank
Euro Bag Simulator	Complete the Santa’s Workshop job after having secured at least 100 bags in the chimney on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	“Rudolph” mask.	Santa’s Workshop
Even Steven	In the Alesso heist job, get your seven bucks back	"Cantus" mask, "Bionic" material and "Circle Raster" pattern.	The Alesso Heist
Everyday I’m Shovelin'	On the Night Club heist, kill 25 law enforcers using your shovel	Short Barrel for the Raven shotgun.	Night Club
Eye for an Eye	In the second day of The Biker Heist job, destroy the helicopter turret	"Road Rage" mask, "Chromey" material and "Biker Face" pattern.	The Biker Heist
Far, Far Away	Kill 25 enemies from 40 meters using only the Thanatos .50 cal sniper rifle	Tank Buster Barrel for the Thanatos .50 cal sniper rifle.
Farmer Miserable	In the second day of the Goat Simulator heist, send all goats in separate cages on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	"Slick Goat" mask, "Tongue" material and "Fur" pattern.	Goat Simulator
Fastest Gun in the West	Kill 6 law enforcers within 6 seconds of killing the first while hipfiring with the Peacemaker .45 Revolver	"Apache Mystic" mask, "Gold Fever" material and "Sacred" pattern.
For Daisy	Finish the Firestarter job on the OVERKILL difficulty or above with your crew using only the Contractor Pistol	"Daisy" mask, "Dog Fur" material and "Daisies" pattern.	Firestarter
Fuck It, We're Walking	In the Alesso Heist job, complete the heist in loud without using the zip-line or bag chutes on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	"Female Concert Goer" mask, "Stained Glass" material and "Soundwave" pattern.	The Alesso Heist
Fugu Fighter	Have at least 3 enemies poisoned at the same time with your poisoned weapons	"Shirai" mask, "Origami" material and "Hanabi" pattern.
Full Throttle	Complete the second day of The Biker Heist job within 120 seconds on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	"Speed Devil" mask, "Devil Eye" material and "Skull Wing" pattern.	The Biker Heist
Funding Father	In the Big Bank job, complete the heist while you and your four man crew are wearing one different "Big Bank" mask each	Marksman Stock for the Falcon rifle.	The Big Bank
Ghost Run	Complete the Murky Station job within 7 minutes of starting it	"Cloaker-san" mask, "Rusty" material and "Rebel" pattern.	Murky Station
Goat In 60 Seconds	In the first day of the Goat Simulator heist, secure 6 goats in the escape truck within 1 minute of it arriving	"Scout Goat" mask, "Goat Eye" material and "Giraffe" pattern.	Goat Simulator
Gone in 240 Seconds	In the Car Shop job, complete the heist within 4 minutes	"The Tids" mask.	Car Shop
Hail to the King, Baby	In the Golden Grin Casino heist, kill "The King" and complete the heist in stealth	"Sports Utility Mask" mask, "Carpet" material and "Dices" pattern.	Golden Grin Casino
Hammertime	Kill 25 thugs using the Ding Dong breaching tool melee weapon	“Frost” material and “Emperor” pattern.
Hazzard County	Complete the second day of the Goat Simulator heist within 4 minutes from when the escape car is available	"Goat Goat" mask, "Flamingo Eye" material and "Illumigoati" pattern.	Goat Simulator
Hedgehog	Get 10 or more arrows stuck in a Bulldozer at the same time	"Lone Heister" mask, "Scorpion" material and "Totem" pattern.
Heisters of the Round Table	Complete any heist on the OVERKILL difficulty or above with 4 players using only Gage Chivalry Pack masks, primary weapons, melee weapons and Ballistic Vests or heavier armors	"Agatha Knight Veteran" mask, "Blooded" material and "Agatha" pattern.
Here Comes the Pain Train	In the Firestarter job, complete the heist on OVERKILL difficulty or above, with all days done in loud and with a crew of 4 players using unmodified "AK Rifle" rifles and "PARA" submachine guns	"DMR Kit AK.762" and the "Low Drag Magazine" for the AK weapon family, "Timothy" mask, "Prehistoric" material and "Dinosaur Stripes" pattern.	Firestarter
Hey Mr. DJ	In the Nightclub job, have 12 hostages or more on the dance floor when you escape	"Aluminum Grip" for the AK weapon family, the "Aluminum Foregrip" for the Krinkov submachine gun and the "LW Upper Receiver" for the CAR weapon family.	Night Club
High Roller	Complete the Golden Grin Casino heist under 14 minutes	"The King" mask, "Plush" material and "Cards" pattern.	Golden Grin Casino
I Never Asked for This	Don't jump a single time during an entire heist	"Rageface" mask.
I Want to Get Away	Jump	"Funnyman" mask.
I Will Walk Faceless Among Men	In the Shadow Raid job, secure all 4 pieces of the samurai armor	“Somen Mempo” mask.	Shadow Raid
I've Got the Power	In the Bomb: Dockyard heist, don't let the enemies cut the power	"Long Slide" for the LEO pistol.	Bomb: Dockyard
It Takes a Pig to Kill a Pig	Drop Floyd the pig on top of a lawforcer	“The 1st” mask, the "Exhausted" material, the "Ruler" pattern and the Extended Magazine for the Falcon rifle.	The Big Bank
It Takes Two to Tango	Hack the correct computer on the first try in The Big Bank job	“The First American” mask, the "Parchment" material, the "Roman" pattern and the Tactical Grip for the Falcon rifle.	The Big Bank
Jump! Jump! Jump!	Finish a heist without it ever going more than 4 seconds between you jumping	"Dawg" mask.
Keep Clear of the Windows	Complete the Undercover job without killing any Snipers	"Hans" mask, "Red Black" material and "Luse" pattern.	Undercover
Knock, Knock	Kill 50 Shields using any shotgun and slug ammo	Collapsed Stock for the M1014 shotgun.
Knockout!	Knock out a Bulldozer using the OVERKILL boxing gloves	Unlocks "The Champ" mask.
Last Action Villain	Perform a headshot kill on enemies using only the R93 sniper rifle while zip lining	Compensated Suppressor for the R93 sniper rifle.
Let the Man Work	In the first day of The Biker Heist job, let Mike the mechanic finish the bike without any interruptions on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	"The Classic mask", "Hotrod" material and "Engine" Pattern.	The Biker Heist
Lock, Stock & Eight Smoking Barrels	Own the Locomotive, Street Sweeper, Reinfeld, Mosconi, Izhma, Raven and M1014 Shotguns	Flip-up Sight for the Raven shotgun.
Lord of the Flies	Perform 50 headshot kills using any sniper rifle	“Asilidae” mask, “Carapace” material and “Bugger” pattern.
M.F. Stev	In the Alesso Heist job, complete the pyro sequences without failing even once	"Male Concert Goer" mask, "Dim Blue" material and "Smoke" pattern.	The Alesso Heist
Maximum Penetration	Kill 10 Shields by shooting through their shields using only the R93 sniper rifle	Short Barrel for the R93 sniper rifle.
Names Are for Friends, so I Don't Need One	Get eleven kills with the Lebensauger .308 Sniper Rifle without reloading it	"Slicer" mask, "Still Waters" material and "Youkai" pattern.
No Blood on the Carpet	In the Birth of Sky job, release the money without having any player take health damage on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	“Oro” mask, “Glade” material and “Tribal Wave” pattern.	Birth of Sky
No Heist for Old Men	Complete any day of a heist in stealth with a Locomotive 12G shotgun modified with the "Silent Killer Suppressor" equipped	Suppressed Barrel for the Street Sweeper shotgun, "Rutger" mask, "Banana Peel" material and "Banana" pattern.
No Scope	Kill 10 enemies in a row by shooting them in the head with the Platypus 70 Sniper Rifle while not aiming down the sights	“Tane” mask, “Sancti” material and “Tribal Face” pattern.
Not Invited	Kill 10 enemies within 10 seconds using the Piglet Grenade Launcher without using Incendiary rounds	"Firefighter's Helmet" mask, "Burn" material and "Flamer" pattern.
Not Today	Kill a jumping Cloaker using the GL40 grenade launcher	Wooden Stock, Retro Grip and Wooden Foregrip for the Gewehr 3 rifle.
Nothing Personal	Kill 30 snipers with the Desertfox Sniper Rifle on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	"Mustang" mask, "Tire" material and "One Shot" pattern.
Oppressor	Finish the Bomb: Forest heist without letting any civilian flee or die, having at least five civilians in the heist, while escaping with the boat	Unlocks "The Doctor" mask, "Plywood" material and "Caduceus" pattern.	Bomb: Forest
OVE SAW 72000	In the Nightclub job, complete the heist on any difficulty with each crew member using the OVE 9000 saw as primary and secondary weapons	"THRUST Upper Receiver", "THRUST Lower Receiver" and "Long Ergo Foregrip" for the CAR weapon family.	Night Club
Overdose	Cook and secure six bags of meth on day one of the Hotline Miami job	Graham mask, Ghetto Blaster, Extended Mag and Just Bend It for the Blaster 9mm submachine gun, "Error" material and "Be Somebody" pattern.	Hotline Miami
OVERGRILL	Set a Bulldozer on fire for at least 10 seconds	"The Chef" mask, "Toast" material and "Hot Flames" pattern.
Pest Control	Perform 250 headshot kills using any sniper rifle	“Vespula” mask, “Bug Shell” material and “Venomous” pattern.
Phew!	On day two of the Hotline Miami job, save someone in need	Aubrey mask, Ergo Grip, Extended Mag and Unfolded Stock for the Cobra submachine gun, "Sunset" material and "Doodles" pattern.	Hotline Miami
Precision Aiming	Kill 25 Bulldozers using the Gewehr 3 Rifle	Sniper Barrel for the Clarion rifle, Sniper Stock, Sniper Grip and Sniper Foregrip for the Gecko 7.62 rifle, Precision Stock, Precision Grip and the DMR Kit for the Gewehr 3 rifle as well as the “Black Death” mask.
Private Party	In the Jewelry store job, don't let the cops enter the jewelry store until the van comes back on OVERKILL difficulty or above	"DMR Kit AMR-16" and the "L5 Magazine" for the CAR weapon family, "Vincent" mask, "Feathers" material and "Dinosaur Scars" pattern.	Jewelry Store
Public Enemy No. 1	Kill 250 enemies using only the Rattlesnake sniper rifle	Long Barrel for the Rattlesnake sniper rifle.
Pump It Up	In the Bomb: Forest heist, do not let the cops disconnect the water hose while you are using the river water pump	"Tech Lion" mask, "Marble Rock" material and "Lion Game Lion" pattern.	Bomb: Forest
Pumped Up and Jolly	Complete the Santa’s Workshop job having all players in the crew only use shotguns	“Christmas Cap” mask.	Santa’s Workshop
Rabbit Hunting	Kill 10 Cloakers using the Gecko 7.62 rifle	Skeletal Stock, Fabulous Stock and Fabulous Foregrip for the Gecko 7.62 rifle as well as the “Volt” mask.
Recycling	Pick up 100 arrows	"Desert Skull" mask, "Western Sunset" material and "Mystical" pattern.
Riders On the Snowstorm	In the White Xmas job, complete the heist on the Death Wish difficulty or above while each crew member wear a different "2014 Xmas" mask each	"Almir's Beard" mask.	White Xmas
Scavenger	In the first day of The Biker Heist job, find the secret item	"Flaming Skull" mask, "Shiny and Chrome" material and "Fire Tire" pattern.	The Biker Heist
Seer of Death	Perform 500 headshot kills using any sniper rifle	“Sphodromantis” mask, “Hard Shell” material and “Wings of Death” pattern.
Seven Eleven	Get 7 enemy headshot kills within 11 seconds using any shotgun	Short Barrel for the M1014 shotgun, “John” mask, “Explosive” material and “Terror” pattern.
Shock and Awe	Hit 4 enemies simultaneously using any shotgun and HE rounds	Solid Stock for the M1014 shotgun.
Shotgun 101	Complete any heist by killing at least 50 enemies and getting 101% accuracy or above using any shotgun	Long Barrel for the M1014 shotgun.
Shuriken Shenanigans	Complete a single day of a heist in stealth using only the Shuriken throwable and killing at least 4 enemies	"Kuro Zukin" mask, "Bamboo" material and "Koi" pattern.
Skewer	Kill a Cloaker with the Javelin throwable	"Mason Knight Veteran" mask, "Scale Armor" material and "Mason" pattern.
Skill Shot	In the Lab Rats job, secure a bag in the secret area	"Invader" mask.	Lab Rats
Smoke and Mirrors	In the Diamond job, steal the Diamond in under 10 minutes	"Pazuzu" mask, "Diamond" material and "Horus" pattern.	The Diamond
Sneaking With the Fishes	Complete the Bomb: Dockyard heist in stealth on the Death Wish difficulty	"Lady Butcher" mask, "Rhino" material and "Checker Board" pattern.	Bomb: Dockyard
So Many Choices	Own one of every Gage Assault Pack weapon in the game	Short Barrel for the Clarion rifle, Light Stock for the Gecko 7.62 rifle, Plastic Foregrip and Assault Kit for the Gewehr 3 rifle, “Evil” material and “Vicious” pattern.
So Uncivilized	Equip a Broomstick pistol with the Damper.L 44 Nozzle and the Barrel Sight 44	British Bulldog mask, High Capacity Mag and Holster Stock for the Broomstick pistol, "Army Green" material and "Filthy Thirteen" pattern.
Sound of Silence	Complete the Alesso Heist without your crew killing anyone	"Boom Box" mask, "Enlightenment" material and "Alesso Logo" pattern.	The Alesso Heist
Sounds of Animals Fighting	In the Hotline Miami job, complete the heist while you and your four man crew are wearing one different Hotline Miami mask each on hard or above	Silent Death and Folded Stock for the Uzi submachine gun, Suppressor and No Stock for the Cobra submachine gun and Short Barrel for the Blaster 9mm submachine gun.	Hotline Miami
Special Operations Execution	Kill 25 enemies while in stealth using the Trench knife	Red Bear mask, Short Barrel, Suppressed Barrel, Short Mag, Folded Stock, No Stock, Solid Stock, Heatsinked Suppressed Barrel for the Patchett L2A1 submachine gun, Barrel Sight 44, Damper.L 44 Nozzle for the Broomstick pistol, “Red Sun” material and “Death Dealer” pattern.
Stealing Christmas	Complete the White Xmas job on the Hard difficulty or above	"Strinch" mask.	White Xmas
Stick a Fork in Me, I'm Done	Set an enemy on fire and kill him with the "Motherforker" melee weapon	"The Gas Mask" mask, "Candlelight" material and "Flammable" pattern.
Surprise Motherfucker	Kill 10 Bulldozers using only the Thanatos .50 cal sniper rifle	CQB Barrel for the Thanatos .50 cal sniper rifle.
Sweet Sixteen	Complete The Big Bank job with 16 secured bags	“The 16th” mask, the "Clay" material, the "Spartan" pattern and the Marksman Foregrip for the Falcon rifle.	The Big Bank
Swiss Cheese	Kill 100 enemies in a single day of a heist with the Kross Vertex Submachine Gun	"Kage" mask, "Sakura" material and "Oni" pattern.
Tabula Rasa	In the Hoxton Breakout job, complete the heist on OVERKILL difficulty or above with each crew member using no skills, wearing suits, wielding Golden AK.762 rifles and Chicago Typewriter submachine guns	Unlocks a new skill slot.	Hoxton Breakout
The Collector	Kill 100 cops using only weapons from the AK or CAR weapon families	"Keymod Rail", the "Crabs Rail" and the "Modern Barrel" for the AK weapon family.
The Ground Is Too Cold	In the Boiling Point job, have no crew members get downed on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	"Zero 68" mask, "Nebula" material and "Hexagons" pattern.	Boiling Point
The Nobel Prize	Kill 3 enemies at the same time with the Dynamite	"Wild West Classic" mask, "Cactus" material and "Coyote" pattern.
The Pacifist	Complete the Murky Station job without anyone in the crew killing anyone	"Augmentation" mask, "Spaceship" material and "Squares" pattern.	Murky Station
The Saviour	On the Undercover job, place 10 planks on windows, vents or fences	"Trickster Demon" mask, "Mushroom Cloud" material and "Split" pattern.	Undercover
The Turtle Always Wins	In the Art Gallery job, complete the heist in stealth within 4 minutes with each crew member wearing the Improved Combined Tactical Vest and no Armor Kit deployable equipped	"Classic Stock" for the AK weapon family, "2 Piece Stock" for the AK and CAR weapon families, "Pachy" mask, "Fossil" material and "Prehistoric Predator" pattern.	Art Gallery
The Wolf Lures You to Your Grave	In the Art Gallery job, kill two of the patrolling guards in stealth in the bathroom	"E.M.O. Foregrip" and the "OVAL Foregrip" for the CAR weapon family and the "Aftermarket Shorty" for the PARA submachine gun.	Art Gallery
Their Armor Is Thick and Their Shields Broad	Kill 10 shields with a Gage Chivalry Pack melee weapon in a single heist	"Agatha Vanguard Veteran" mask, "Chain Armor" material and "Medieval" pattern.
They Don’t Pay Us Enough	In the Meltdown job, secure all additional loot	"Rad Mutant" mask.	Meltdown
Tour de Clarion	Kill 200 enemies using the Clarion rifle	Suppressed Barrel and G2 Grip for the Clarion rifle as well as the “Professor Wrath” mask.
Trick or Treat!	In the Lab Rats job, complete the Cloaker event on OVERKILL difficulty or above	"Satan" mask.	Lab Rats
Triple Kill	Kill 3 enemies with one bullet using any sniper rifle	Angled sight for all sniper rifles.
UMP for Me, UMP for You	Kill 45 Russian specials on the Boiling Point job with the Jackal Submachine Gun on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	"Zashchita" mask, "Mist" material and "Battle Wounds" pattern.	Boiling Point
Unusual Suspects	In the Watchdogs job, complete the heist while you and your four man crew are wearing one different Assault Pack mask each on OVERKILL difficulty or above	Light Foregrip for the Gecko 7.62 rifle, Tactical Foregrip for the Gewehr 3 rifle, Long Barrel for the Clarion rifle, “Void” material and “Death” pattern.	Watchdogs
Vlad's Little Helpers	Complete the White Xmas job on the Normal difficulty or above	"Mrs. Claus" mask.	White Xmas
Walk Faster	In day two of the Hotline Miami job, reach the Commissar’s apartment in under 210 seconds on the OVERKILL difficulty or above	Rasmus mask, Tactical Foregrip and the Ergonomic Stock for the Uzi submachine gun, “Chromescape” material and "Palmtrees" pattern.	Hotline Miami
Why Don’t We Just Use a Spoon?	Complete the Hoxton Breakout heist on any difficulty	Unlocks "Hoxton" as a playable character and the "Nova's Shank" melee weapon.	Hoxton Breakout
Wind of Change	In the Hoxton Breakout job, complete the heist while you and your four man crew are wearing one different "Historical" mask each on OVERKILL difficulty or above	Discrete Stock and Short Barrel for the Nagant sniper rifle, Precision Barrel for the Broomstick pistol, Extended Mag and Long Barrel for the Patchett L2A1 submachine gun and the Heatsinked Suppressed Barrel for the Buzzsaw 42 light machine gun.	Hoxton Breakout
You Can’t Hide	Kill 25 enemies shooting through walls or objects using only the R93 sniper rifle	Wooden Body for the R93 sniper rifle.
You Owe Me One	In the Big Bank job, start the Big Bank job after having spent all 10 favors in Preplanning	Retro Foregrip for the Falcon rifle.	The Big Bank

The Golden King

(With apologies to Uncle Steve)
Jay Everett stared up at the towering Twin Pines Hotel, one of the largest buildings this side of the Las Vegas gambling strip. It was a jutting structure built entirely out of steel beams and black glass. The Hotel was surrounded on all sides by the flashing neon lights of Casino Row, which danced across its glossy surface like the ghostly imprints of colored flames. Apparently this place offered some of the swankiest penthouses in the entire city, but Jay wasn’t here for a room. He’d only come here to gamble.
He pushed through the front doors and entered the lobby, a spacious room with potted plants crawling up the walls like ivy. The place was packed with men in tuxedos and women in loose evening dresses. Jay felt smothered in his own suit, and he tried easing up the collar with one finger. It didn’t help much. He still felt like he was being throttled by his tie.
Most of the crowd was moving toward the check-in desk, but Jay snuck his way through until he could see the flashing lights of the casino. A large metal beam stretched across the entrance. Beneath it was a sign that proclaimed TWIN PINES CASINO in bold, electric blue letters. A bear and a turtle and various other forest animals gamboled across either side.
He managed to slip through the bustle without being too pushy, and then he was in. Light background jazz swept across him as he stepped into a world lit up by colored bulbs and strips of eerie black light. The casino actually wasn’t too crowded this early in the night. He almost had the entire place to himself.
He stopped before a large, circular game machine emblazoned with the words GOLD KING. The game itself was nothing more than a large spinning disc divided into colored slices. Most of the sections were given small monetary values, but there was one tiny sliver that had been painted a solid gold.
The game itself didn’t get too much activity, but the large statue perched above it could be seen from anywhere in the casino. It was a cartoony sculpture of a king wearing red robes and a golden crown. In his hand he held a royal scepter, which would flash brightly and let off a chorus of clanging bells whenever anyone hit the jackpot. Right now he was silent. His blank eyes stared out at the crowd, his mouth open in a creepy cartoon smile.
You have until the Gold King goes off to make $19,000. Otherwise…
Jay shivered. He couldn’t get Farrow’s threat out of his head; it echoed in his ears like the growl of a distant animal. Farrow himself was nowhere to be found, but Jay knew he’d stationed his cronies in every corner of this place. Some were probably disguised as security guards, others as bartenders or casino patrons. He couldn’t trust anybody. Any one of these people could be waiting to turn him in to Farrow the moment he backed out of this job.
So he did what he was told to do. He took a deep breath, let his eyes sweep over the casino, and strode over to the game that stood out to him the most. He had a lot of money to win and not much time to do it. This was a world ruled by chance, where the simple roll of a die could decide a person’s fate, and any ordinary man would have been sweating in his suit by now.
But Jay Everett was no ordinary man.
Jay had always known how different he was, even as a kid. It wasn’t that he looked or acted stranger than other people. He was just perceptive. He knew the answers in class before his teacher even finished speaking, although he quickly learned to keep this to himself. He could find things too. When little things went missing around the house, Jay always knew just where to look. He couldn’t explain how. He just did.
He also had an uncanny skill with numbers. He’d never used a calculator in his entire life and he couldn’t understand why his classmates were so helpless without it. By the time he’d reached 9th grade, he was already taking the highest level math courses his high school could offer. It wasn’t long before he caught the eye of several prestigious business schools, which practically tripped over themselves getting him to apply. He never had to worry about his future. Jay ended up leaving high school early and heading to Stanford, where he started down the fast track to a career in finance.
He was snatched up by Tony Salvatore right after graduation. Salvatore was a business tycoon who’d left his footprint in every major city across the country, and he was eager to take Jay on board as his new head of finance. “I’ve been waiting for a kid like you,” he’d said, clapping Jay on the shoulder. “Someone who knows how to crunch the numbers and keep his mouth shut.”
It was true that Jay hardly ever talked; it was a habit from his youth that he hadn’t yet outgrown. He just didn’t trust himself to speak. He knew things about Salvatore, things he couldn’t possibly know – like how he came in late on Mondays because he’d spent the night before drinking and hitting his wife, or how he’d gotten bite marks under his collar from a violent fling with his receptionist. Tony would walk into the room and the knowledge would hit Jay in the face like a foul stench. He valued his job, so he kept quiet.
He discovered Salvatore’s biggest scandal completely by accident. Jay had stayed late at the office that night to finish up one of his revenue forms, which kept coming up $100 short. It was baffling to him. He’d never had an issue with numbers before, not even a minor issue like this, and he didn’t understand why he kept finding the same inconsistency. So he pulled up some other forms to see if he could trace the cause of the missing hundred.
It would have been a cold trail for anyone else, but Jay was good at finding things, and he managed to dig up an encrypted file with a bunch of forms that had never made it into the system. He set up a program to decode the files and discovered that they were all bank deposits – deposits of exactly $100. The missing money was being funneled into an account under the name “Enrico Balazar.”
At first Jay didn’t know what to do with the info he’d dug up. This was fraud, fraud of the highest degree, and Salvatore had to be turned in. Jay had no desire to defend the crooked son of a bitch. But he wasn’t stupid – he knew Salvatore had connections in low places, and if Jay made this information public, he’d have a target on his head. He sat in the dark for a while and cycled through his options.
When Salvatore showed up for work the next day, Jay intercepted him right outside his office. “Sorry to bother you, sir,” he said. “I was just about to send the tax forms to our Boston division when my computer crashed. Is there any way you could send them out for me?” The bit about the computer was true; he’d just neglected to mention that he’d crashed it himself.
Salvatore stared at the papers in Jay’s hand with bleary, reddened eyes. He just had a shot of whiskey in his car. As usual, the thought hit Jay completely out of the blue. Salvatore eventually reached out and took the papers, crumpling them a bit in his fist.
“Hold on a sec,” he grunted. He took the papers into his office and set them on the desk, then leaned over to type his password on the computer. Jay’s eyes followed him carefully. Then Salvatore placed the forms in his scanner and began the uploading process.
Jay stayed late again, waiting until the last of the workers had left the office before typing a quick command on his keyboard. There was a brief popping sound. The power in his part of the building flickered for a moment, and Jay knew the cameras were disabled. He had a good hour or so before they came back on again.
He’d kept a pair of gloves in his briefcase all day, and he slipped them on now as he headed to Salvatore’s office. The tycoon’s personal computer sat in the corner, its screen flashing with an insistent message: PASSWORD?
Jay leaned forward and typed it in, his fingers copying the same pattern Salvatore had used this morning. A quiet beep, a loading bar, and he was in. He got to work immediately.
When Jay arrived at work the next day, a police car was parked outside the building, lights flashing and everything. He arrived just in time to watch the cops shoving a handcuffed Salvatore into the backseat. Jay made sure to keep his face hidden, just in case, but Salvatore had his eyes turned to the ground.
“What happened?” Jay asked one of his coworkers.
“You’ll never believe it, man. Some kind of virus got into Salvatore’s computer and made all of his private files go public. It turns he was channeling a big chunk of his clients’ cash to this mob boss in New York. Balthazar or something.”
“No kidding,” Jay replied. He watched as the car carrying Tony Salvatore turned the corner and disappeared down 5th Avenue.
It was then that he noticed a figure who was standing at the edge of the crowd, his face hidden by the brim of a dark baseball cap. Everyone else was staring down the street, but this man was facing Jay instead. He had his hands tucked into the pockets of a black leather jacket and a thin layer of dark stubble on his face. As soon as Jay noticed him, he lifted a hand from his pocket and gestured for Jay to come over.
Jay was hesitant, but it was broad daylight and he was surrounded on all sides by people. It was safe. He circled around the crowd and approached the dark stranger.
“Do I know you?” he asked.
The man didn’t answer right away. Instead, he reached out and slapped something small and square into the palm of Jay’s hand. Then Jay finally got a glimpse of his eyes beneath the cap. They were shrewd and calculating, a glassy blue that made Jay think of the surface of a frozen pond.
“I saw,” he said. “And if you’re interested, I could use your kind of expertise.”
Jay glanced at the object in his hand. It was a business card, nothing but a name and a set of digits. He frowned. “I’m sorry, I don’t –” But when he looked up, the man had already disappeared.
That was the first time Jay met Rick Farrow.
Jay sipped from his wine glass and watched as people tried their luck on the Twin Pines slot machines. In theory, the outcome of these games was completely random. But Jay knew that most of these machines cycled through a random number sequence, and unless it had been rigged to prevent this issue, one could theoretically spot a pattern. The casino owners needed to make sure that some people walked away winners, after all. Not everyone. Just enough to keep people playing.
There was a pattern, but it was so subtle that the average person would never have noticed it. 19 pulls got you three cherries and a decent amount of cash. 95 pulls got you a row of three gold coins. And after 171 pulls of the lever, three 7s would plunk into place, bells would go off, and the ring of bulbs around the game would burst into life. Jay watched the colored lights dance across the face of each excited winner.
So he sat at the bar, ordered another wine, and waited. He made a mental check mark every time someone new stepped up to play the game. And when the 170th person walked away, he set down his glass, strode over to the machine, and played.
The wheels whirled for a good few seconds before settling on the jackpot. The lights flashed, the bells rang, and a flood of coins spilled out of the machine.
He collected his winnings without a smile.
Now that Tony Salvatore had been removed from his position as CEO, his offices in New York got shuttered. Jay suddenly found himself jobless and in desperate need of cash, as Salvatore had been paying for him to live in a nice apartment on the east side of town. Despite his impressive work history, he seemed to carry with him a kind of stigma for being even somewhat associated with the Salvatore name.
So, with no other options, Jay contacted Rick Farrow. The mysterious man arranged to meet with him at once. He conducted Jay’s interview in a rented office space not too far from the old Salvatore building. Farrow asked most of the questions, and he nodded along pleasantly as Jay talked about his passion for numbers and his experiences studying at Stanford.
Farrow was a curious character. He never seemed to take off his black leather jacket, which looked slightly too big for his slender frame. His cheeks were sharp and bony and his facial hair was carefully trimmed. It was a fairly imposing look, but when he smiled it completely transformed his character. He was a charismatic individual. One way or another, he seemed capable of winning anybody over.
Farrow was impressed by Jay’s experiences, especially by the way he had so cleverly exposed Salvatore, although he refused to tell Jay how he’d seen that particular bit of espionage. In any case, Farrow thought Jay’s skills were perfect for the job, and he told Jay he would take him on immediately. Housing would be provided in one of the apartment complexes near their base of operations. Payment was substantial and would come in on a monthly basis. Jay hardly heard any of this; he was just excited to be welcomed into such a secretive underworld.
The weeks passed by quickly as Jay got initiated into his new life. Farrow explained to him that Salvatore had just been the tip of a very large and very dangerous iceberg. CEOs all over the state were funneling illicit cash to various crime bosses in the city, and Farrow had made it his goal to cut off the head of the snake. Multiple snakes, in this case. That was where Jay and the rest of the tech specialists came in. They had an eye for the little details that could bring a corrupt CEO down from the inside.
To accomplish this, Farrow and several of his associates went around the city and placed cameras in strategic locations. Sometimes they even hacked into company networks so the tech-heads back at the base could break through any encrypted files. It was tireless work, but Jay loved it. He had never felt more in his element. It gave him a thrill to think that he was doing something with his life, that he was using his knowledge to make the world a slightly better place.
Most of the time they operated out of an abandoned warehouse in one of the emptier sections of the city. Farrow had the whole place rigged up with state of the art security systems and a few dozen computers. Jay and the other tech-heads spent most of the time cracking codes and analyzing the footage from Farrow’s secret cameras. If they found any incriminating evidence, they were to report it right away. Then Farrow would take some of his cronies and disappear into the city for a few days.
In very rare cases, Farrow would ask one of the tech-heads to come with him on an assignment. This only ever happened if the job required hacking skills that Farrow himself didn’t possess. Jay was fairly new to the whole game, so Farrow usually passed him up for one of the more experienced techies. He didn’t mind; in fact, he was nervous about returning the field. The Salvatore affair seemed like it had happened ages ago. He wasn’t quite sure he was ready to sneak around in gloves and a ski-mask again.
Jay was busy scanning footage one evening when he heard the slam of a door and the sound of muffled shouting from below. He frowned and took off his headphones. It was definitely Farrow shouting – Jay would have recognized that gravelly voice anywhere. He just couldn’t make out any of the words. Placing the headphones gingerly on the monitor, he got out of his seat and tiptoed over to the door.
The main operations room was on the second floor, so Jay peered over the railing on the catwalk to see what was happening below. Farrow and a few of his masked associates were gathered around one of the other tech-heads. Jay thought it looked like Bruno, the guy who worked with him on Tuesdays. He had his back against a drainage pipe and was holding his hands up helplessly.
“You took off your fucking mask! Do you know how serious this is?” Farrow was yelling. Even from this high up, Jay could see the angry crease in his eyebrows. “They’ve got your face now. It’ll be all over their security cameras. Your stupid slip-up could have put our entire operation at risk!”
“I-I-I’m sorry,” Bruno stammered. “It won’t happen again, I promise!”
“You’re damn right it won’t,” Farrow growled. Then he drew a gun from inside his jacket and shot Bruno in the head.
Jay clapped a hand to his mouth to stifle a scream. Half of the techie’s face was missing, bits of his skin and brain tissue spraying out onto the warehouse floor. His blood splattered across the drainage pipe and trickled to the ground. Jay could hear the steady drip all the way from the catwalk.
He ducked back inside the operations room before Farrow could look up and see him there. His heart was pounding out an erratic beat on his ribcage. As quickly as he could, he slid into his seat and stuck the headphones back over his ears. He hummed a senseless little tune under his breath, trying to make himself look as carefree and oblivious as possible. If Farrow knew what he had just seen… he held back a shudder.
Farrow appeared in the doorway a few minutes later, the specks of blood completely wiped from his face. He’d changed into a cleaner jacket too. As Farrow walked past the row of flashing computer screens, Jay tried to calm his racing pulse.
“Any good news?” Farrow asked. He placed a hand on Jay’s shoulder, peering down at the monitor.
They shoved his body in the wood chipper. The knowledge hit him like a jolt of lightning, clear and strong. It took every ounce of his willpower to force a smile.
“Nothing so far,” he said. “It’s pretty quiet tonight.” He was amazed he could keep his voice from trembling.
Farrow stared at the screen for a few painfully long moments, then coughed. “Keep up the good work,” he said. He let go of Jay’s shoulder and drifted toward the exit. The masked associates followed him like obedient dogs.
When Jay was finally sure he could breathe easy again, he wiped a line of sweat from his brow. He was badly shaken, and not just because he’d seen his coworker shot in cold blood. He was questioning himself now, questioning the whole purpose of this assignment. If Farrow could do something so cruel and violent in the walls of his own compound, what was he doing out in the real world?
After making sure the coast was clear, Jay opened up a web browser and began searching for names. He’d been so busy working this job that he’d never bothered to check the papers, to see what was really going on outside the compound. All the news about the crooks they’d toppled had come through Farrow himself. But the search results Jay found online painted a very different story.
Farrow had said that the elderly Mitch Cullum had been arrested for siphoning funds to a New York crime syndicate, but Jay managed to dig up the old man’s obituary. Cause of death: gunshot wound. Nancy Deepneau, a leading member of a dental corporation in New York City, had gone missing three months ago. And David Tassenbaum, a prominent figure in the computer business, had been mugged to death in an alley, his body so beaten it had been almost impossible to identify. Jay found a dozen more examples of the “corrupt CEOs” Farrow had supposedly brought to justice. The only thing they had in common was that they’d all been very rich, and there had been discrepancies in their corporate funding following each death or disappearance. The police were unable to track down any leads.
His fingers trembling, Jay shut down the browser. For a moment he could only stare at the screen in front of him. What the hell could he do? It wasn’t like he could play dumb forever. He was an expert at staying strategically silent, but a secret this huge would find its way out eventually. His body language would betray him first. The moment he started fidgeting too much, Farrow would know the truth.
So he did the only thing he could think of. He disappeared.
Erasing yourself from existence is next to impossible. You would have to delete every record of your birth, your social security, your education, your medical insurance, your credit card accounts – any and all places where your name could be found in writing. But Jay was persistent, and he knew things. He accessed every database he possibly could and systematically wiped himself off the map. There were some records he knew he could never touch, but if they were out of his reach, the chances of Farrow finding them were slim to none. He was an invisible man now.
Once he was done, he put down the headphones, shut off the monitor, and strode out the front door of the warehouse. It was only a matter of time until Farrow noticed his absence, but he planned to put a few thousand miles between them before that happened.
He was free. He’d been shaken to his core, but he was free, and that was all that mattered. He’d have plenty of time later to think about the horrors he’d seen. And who knows? Maybe this was it. Maybe this whole affair was behind him, and one day it would just become a ghastly dream, a nightmare from someone else’s reality.
But deep down, he knew it wouldn’t be that easy.
“Red 38,” Jay stated. He handed his chips to the croupier, who stacked them on the side of the table with the bets from the other players. Then he gave the roulette wheel a spin. Jay watched as the colors bled together, streaking in an ugly smear of crimson gray. After a few seconds, the croupier tossed the ball down the spinning track. It bounced and rolled every which way before coming to rest in one of the 38 slots. Red 38 exactly.
“Damn, you’re on a roll,” the croupier said. He handed Jay his original chips plus the payout. “Sure you want to keep going? This luck of yours can’t last forever.”
“I’m sure,” Jay answered. He took a deep breath, waiting for the answer to wash over him like it always did. Then he placed his chips back down on the table and stated, “Black 13. Last bet.”
The croupier shrugged and took the chips. They went through the same routine. The roulette wheel spun in its blurry circle, and the ball bounced around for a while before plunking into its final slot. Black 13.
Jay ignored the astonished remarks of the croupier and accepted his winnings silently. He couldn’t stay at this table forever, so he turned away from the Rose Bowl Roulette and cast his eyes across the casino. The night was lengthening and the room was filling up with players, most of them clutching thin glasses of cognac and laughing with their friends. He searched for any sign of Farrow’s men, but it was useless – he’d never find them in this crowd.
He didn’t want to look, but he couldn’t help glancing at the Gold King’s looming statue. It was still dark and silent. Now that the place was getting busy, though, the chances of someone winning the jackpot had risen significantly. Time was running out.
Jay hated using what he knew to win games. It was one thing to find the pattern of outcomes for a slot machine; anyone with half a brain and enough time on their hands could do the same. But what he could do was cheating. No one could ever catch him at it, which somehow made it worse. He’d decided a long time ago that he’d never do exactly what he was doing now.
But he didn’t have a choice. He was over halfway to his goal, closer to three-fourths, really, and he couldn’t afford to waste time now. If he had to cheat, then so be it. Too much was at stake tonight.
The years following Jay’s escape passed in a dreamlike sort of blur. He moved out west, hopping briefly from town to town and spending his nights in cheap hotel rooms. He had to pay in cash, of course, since his credit card account had recently ceased to exist. Luckily he had plenty to go around. He had a natural talent for hustling, and he won most of his money by playing pool games or dealing hands of poker in the back of shady bars.
He never stayed with the same car for too long. He always knew when some idiot driver had left their keys in the ignition, and he took every opportunity to hop in a new vehicle and continue the journey west. He felt a little guilty about hijacking so many rides, but it never bothered him for long. He was far more afraid of Farrow catching up to him.
Occasionally he would seek out some underground sources who had a reputation for forging documents. He needed a new identity, which meant a new birth certificate and social security card and everything. He eventually settled on the name Jay Everett – “Jay” after the first letter of his old name, and “Everett” after a small saloon he’d passed through in Denver. He didn’t get all his documents forged in one location. He staggered them, picking up a new one every few stops to try and throw Farrow off his trail.
By the time he reached Nevada, he figured he’d placed enough distance between himself and Farrow to finally settle down. He got a low-level office job and rented out a tiny apartment at the edge of Boulder City. As the years passed and his stint with Farrow faded from his memory, he finally began to live a normal life again.
He fell in love. He married a beautiful girl named Marcia Thorne who knew nothing about his past, and they had a son together. Trace Everett. He grew up like any ordinary boy, kicking soccer balls around the yard and playing hide-and-seek with the other kids in the neighborhood. When he turned seven they even bought him a small black-and-white dachshund that he affectionately dubbed “Billy.” From that point on the boy and the dog were inseparable; they often went on walks together before his parents called them in for dinner.
Jay was happy. He’d gotten away from his past; he’d moved on from a life he thought would haunt him forever. He made love to his beautiful wife and watched cartoons with Trace on Saturdays. It was a perfect routine, and he never wanted it to end.
Then one night, ten years after Jay had made his escape from Farrow’s compound, a power surge went through their entire house. The Everetts had been enjoying their Sunday dinner when it happened. The bulb above the kitchen table gave a loud sputter before dying out completely. Billy gave a loud bark and began running in circles around the table.
“Calm down boy, it’s just a blackout,” Trace said. He got out of his chair and restrained the dog before he could knock into any of the table legs.
“That’s funny,” Marcy said, peering out the window. “The neighbors’ houses still have power.” Jay joined her by the window, frowning.
“Hmm. Must be something wrong with our circuit breaker,” he said. “You two go look for some flashlights. I’ll see if I can fix the problem.”
The three of them wandered off, stumbling their way through the dark. Jay found the door to the basement and began climbing downward, clinging carefully to the railing. He knew the breaker was located at the bottom of the steps, right next to the garage. He reached the end of the stairs and fumbled in the gloom for the circuit box.
To his surprise, the door to the box was already wide open. As Jay’s eyes adjusted somewhat to the darkness, he saw that every single wire in the box had been snipped cleanly in half. Shit, he thought, oh shit, I should have known. But it was too late now. He felt the muzzle of a gun dig into his shoulder blades.
“I’ve been looking a long time for you,” Farrow said. His voice floated through the darkness in a soft, amused sort of growl. “You’re the one that got away. Isn’t that cute? You wouldn’t believe how many goddamn hoops I had to jump through just to track you down. But now I’ve got you.”
“It’s been ten years,” Jay hissed. “Ten fucking years. What could you possibly want?”
Farrow made a disapproving sound with his tongue. “We’ll get to that in a moment,” he said. “First, we have some introductions to make.”
Right on cue, Billy began barking furiously in the kitchen. Jay could hear Trace’s high-pitched voice trying to shout over him. “No, no, what are you doing, stop, he’s just a dog HE’S JUST A DOG STOP IT –”
Then a gunshot, a muffled whimper, and a shriek that could only have been Marcy. “Jay!” she screamed. “Oh god, oh god, there’s men in the house, they’ve got guns! They shot Billy!”
“Time for our big entrance,” Farrow laughed. He shoved Jay in the back with his pistol, forcing him up the basement steps. Jay plodded forward, hardly able to feel his feet. This must be a nightmare, he thought. I’m going to wake up any second now. But he knew that wasn’t true, the same way he knew so many other impossible things.
When Farrow pushed him into the kitchen, four dark shapes were waiting for him there. Two of them were Trace and Marcy, their hands behind their heads, their entire upper bodies trembling. The other two were some of Farrow’s masked associates. Each one held a pistol to the head of the prisoner beside them.
Marcy let out a sob when she saw Jay climbing up the steps. “Oh god, Jay, not you too?”
“Quiet,” one of the masked figures ordered. His voice sounded strangely distorted, like he was speaking through a filter. Marcy drew in a shuddery breath but stayed quiet.
“So, the gang’s all here!” Farrow exclaimed. “Wonderful.” He performed an exaggerated bow, his gun still nestled in the small of Jay’s back. “I’m Rick Farrow, a man of many trades. Right now I’m a man with a gun. Funny how that gives you so much power, doesn’t it?”
Jay said nothing. In his mind’s eye he could see the gun Farrow was holding, a thin barreled pistol that looked like something out of a Western. A Colt Paterson revolver, his brain spat out uselessly. As if it mattered. It would put a large hole in his chest no matter what type of gun it was.
“It appears you folks have already met my men,” Farrow went on. “They’re pretty low on the corporate ladder, but they do what they’re told, and what more could a man ask for?” He lifted the gun from Jay’s back to do a mock sort of clap with both hands. Jay wasn’t fooled; he didn’t move an inch. He was still Farrow’s prisoner, even if he was no longer at gunpoint.
“What do you want with us?” Marcy asked. Her face was damp with tears, but she’d managed to steady her breathing. Trace leaned against his mother’s legs with a scrunched up expression of anger in his eyes. He was trying so hard not to cry. Jay did his best to look away from the furry mass on the floor that used to be Trace’s beloved dog.
“What do I want?” Farrow said. “Ah, therein lies the question.” He turned his attention back to Jay, his eyes still bright and glassy blue in the darkness.
“So, you go by ‘Jay’ now, do you?” He said it again, slowly this time, as if to savor its taste. “Jay. I like it. Nice and low-key. It suits you well.” He gave Jay a casual tap on the shoulder with his pistol. A toothless smile appeared on his face when he saw Jay wince.
“You were good, Jay,” Farrow said quietly. “You were one of my best, actually. When you took off like that, I knew it wouldn’t be easy to find you. But I kept trying. The other tech-heads made stupid mistakes, botched their missions; they were disposable. But you. You were the grand prize, the golden fleece. I needed you back. You did stuff with numbers that could make a fella’s heart sing.”
Here Farrow paused. His glassy eyes were staring more intently at Jay this time, a careful sort of scrutiny that made his skin grow cold.
“But it’s not just numbers, is it? You see things. Patterns, clues, tiny details other people would miss. That’s what makes you so special. That’s why I need you.”
“Just tell me,” Jay spat through clenched teeth. “Tell me what you want to do. I’ll do anything.”
This time the smile that creased Farrow’s bony cheeks was wide and toothy. “Now that’s more like it,” he said. “Have I got a job for you, big boy. This one’ll be right up your alley.”
Jay said nothing, waiting for Farrow to break the silence first.
“Here’s the thing,” Farrow said at last. “There’s a man out in Las Vegas by the name of Jonas Carver. He runs a big casino in the heart of the city called Twin Pines. My men and I have been eyeing the place for years and we’re just about ready to strike him where it hurts.” He pointed an enthusiastic finger at Jay. “What I want you to do is take a hefty chunk out of this man’s wallet. Let’s say… $19,000. Enough to make him question the security in his casino. Afterwards, when he’s checking for cracks, we’ll sneak in and do our part.”
“Are you going to kill him?” Jay said. His voice came out hoarse and weak.
Farrow grinned. “Don’t worry about Mr. Jonas Carver. He’ll be in good hands. You just focus on playing the right games and making the most moolah.”
Jay’s neck felt stiff as a board, but he nodded. “I’ll do it,” he insisted. “Just let them go.”
“Ah,” Farrow said. “We’ve reached that little snag.” He began pacing the kitchen floor in front of Jay, swinging his revolver like a baseball bat. “See, the thing is, I can’t do that. I need a little insurance here. If I let them go, what’s stopping you from running off to the West Indies for another ten years or so?”
“I won’t,” Jay managed to choke out. “Listen to me, goddammit. I won’t run. Just let them go.”
Farrow pretended to think about it for a second. “Nah,” he decided. “Tell you what. Let’s play a game instead. Inside the Twin Pines Casino, there’s a wheel-of-fortune type game called Gold King. You can’t miss it. It’s got this ugly fucking statue of a cartoon king on top. Every night, without fail, someone wins the jackpot and bells go off and that statue waves its flashing staff at everyone. But only once. For the rest of the night it’s just a statue.”
When Farrow turned to Jay again, his eyes were icy. “Tomorrow night,” he said. “You have until the Gold King goes off to make $19,000. Otherwise your family gets it.” He made a careless gesture at them with his pistol. “One shot each, right in the head. Boom. Boom. And you have to watch.”
“I’ll do it,” Jay repeated. “I’ll play your goddamn game the way you want. But unless I fail, you’d better not lay a finger on them.”
Farrow was examining something under one of his fingernails. “Done,” he stated. He waved his hand absently toward the door. “Take them away, men. You know where to go.”
The two masked men dragged Marcy and Trace out the back door, both of them crying out and struggling to get free. “Be quiet,” the first masked figure said in his distorted voice. “If you don’t shut up, we’ll make you shut up.”
Both of them immediately quieted down, but they couldn’t hide the expressions of pure fear that were plastered across their faces. Jay felt blood pumping furiously through his veins as he watched his family getting dragged away. Farrow lifted his hand and gave them a pleasant wave as they disappeared out the back door.
In the side window of the kitchen, Jay managed to catch a glimpse of Marcy’s face for what he hoped wasn’t the last time ever. He blew her a kiss with trembling lips, but the masked men shoved her and Trace into a waiting van before she could see it. Then the two of them were gone.
Jay was in the middle of a poker game when the Gold King bells went off.
He’d managed to keep his cool throughout the entire night, but the blood drained from his face when he heard the loud clanging noise echoing through the casino. He turned to see the cartoon statue gamboling in place, flashing its toothy smile at the surrounding players. The scepter in its hand was dancing with flecks of neon light.
No, he thought in disbelief. No, not yet! I was almost there!
He’d been so close to the $19,000 mark that this poker game would probably have pushed him over the edge. The Gold King had gone off just as he was about to play his final hand. Now he watched the statue spin in lazy circles, its hideous bells still ringing in his eardrums.
“Hey,” a voice said suddenly. It was the dealer, trying to get Jay’s attention. “Hey buddy, this is the last hand. Are you calling or folding?”
Jay looked at him in surprise, then down at the cards in his shaky fingers. He hadn’t even bothered to look at them yet. What was even stranger, his usual powers of perception were failing him. He knew what all the other hands looked like, he knew who was bluffing through their teeth and who posed a legitimate threat, but he didn’t even know what cards he was holding.
He wondered how long it would take for Farrow’s men to cut through the crowd and take him away. He figured he had about thirty seconds, a minute at most. Was it possible? Could he make enough off this hand to complete Farrow’s sick challenge? The Gold King hadn’t finished its death knoll yet when the final hand was dealt. It was a technicality, but he was banking on it. It might just save Marcy and Trace’s lives. Now it was up to these last five cards to decide if they saw the light of another day.
He offered a quick prayer to a God he never believed in. Then he turned the cards over and stared down at the hand he’d been dealt.

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